10.    The Pacific:

HBO’s Eastern answer to the unquantifiably good Band of  Brothers, this miniseries delivered the goods in every way that its predecessor did — and made us realize just how desperate the situation in the Pacific really was. It also marked star turns for some of the best under-used actors of our time. James Badge Dale (later seen in AMC’s Rubicon) was restrained and thoughtful as highly-affected writer Robert Lackie. (And Caroline Dhavernas as the girl back home he always wanted to be with almost stole the whole show for me). Joseph Mazello made his big return to film (so nice of godfather Stephen Spielberg to let us all see us again) and worked well as the heart of the piece — a physically and emotionally weak boy whose experiences in battle steel his spirit to a point of no return. But the real star of the show here was Rami Malek (also a high point in this year’s final season of 24, and set to get his big break in the upcoming Twilight movie). As PFC Snafu, he was a shit-talking, emotionally restrained dick — the sort of guy girls fall in love with knowing full well they’re going to get their heart broken in a few weeks. But even  for men like this, no matter how much they try to hide it, war changes them, warps their hearts. And I can imagine very few people portraying that as well as Malek did.

11.    United States of Tara:

I know that this show is past its buzz years. I know that some might say that after this many seasons, the premise lends itself to being hokey and shark-jumping in every storyline. But despite all of these minefields I think that Diablo Cody’s brainchild hit a stride this year. Tara, for the first time, started to really tackle why her personality spilt in the first place. And, like any discovery worth finding out at all, it came with its pitfalls. Her other personalities start coming through full-force, despite the meds she’s on the contain them, and the first real fracture in her relationship with husband Max begins to appear. Add to that a mystery from her past that’s ignited by a creepy house next door (why does Tara hate basements after all these years?), excellent supporting work by the effervescent Rosemarie DeWitt and Emmy-worthy Keir Gilchrist, and the decidedly relatable storyline of a family at a crossroads, and you get one of the most interesting and well-executed shows of the year.

12.    NBC’s Thursday Night Comedy Lineup:

OK, so I know that this is a total copout, but I couldn’t pick just one and I felt weird filling the whole list with comedies. With the exception of Outsourced (OMG! It’s funny because their cultures are different!!1), this block is pretty solid. 30 Rock’s meta take on television production has made smart-funny cool again. The Office, preparing for Steve Carrell’s departure at the end of the season, has hit its stride after a few lackluster seasons — and allowed secondary characters to really shine (Andy for Office Manager!). Community is quite simply one of the best things to come out in a good, long while. It’s fresh and original without being indie pretentious, and Troy and Abed (in the mooooorning!) are possibly my favorite friends on television. And Parks and Recreation, the Office-off-shoot-that-could has really come into its own. With the addition of characters like Adam Scott’s bitter (but secretly sweet) government assessor and Rob Lowe’s too-perfect-to-be-true boss, as well as shining moments for everyone’s favorite Libertarian mustache (aka Ron Swanson), Chris Pratt’s doofy-but-loveable Andy and the most likeable woman on television, Leslie Knope, this show just keeps hitting out of the park. (Get it?! Park!!!!)

A month late and a few dollars short...

I made a list of the 15 best shows of 2010 and then never posted it anywhere. So, I suppose I'll post it in countdown form here...

13.    Dexter:

Sure, it wasn’t as good as last year’s Trinity Killer bloodbath, but watching Dex deal with the aftermath of Rita’s death was, in some ways, much more riveting than watching him stalk a fellow killer based on some sort of perverse adulation. This year, Dexter tested his own limits of humanity, teaming up with a victim with a taste for vengeance (and falling in love in the process) to take down her tormentors. Most interesting, however, is how teeteringly close to being found out by his sister, Deb—who is actually less and less annoying by the day — he was. All in all, a pretty solid year.

14.    Work of Art: The Next Great Artist

It’s the only reality show on the list, and that means that it’s an exceptionally good addition to the format. Don’t get me wrong — my DVR is filled with everything from the likes of Real Housewives to Survivor, but Work of Art had an element of authenticity (not to mention a heaping dose of credibility) that most reality shows don’t. Based on the Project Runway format, Bravo’s little-show-that-could managed to do what previously had seemed impossible (turning the haughtiest of premises — a showdown between ephemeral artistes judged by a panel of elitist art critics — into riveting reality television). Hell, I’d pit this show against The Amazing Race any day in the pure entertainment category. And after baiting the audience with an hour of truly fun viewing, we learned a thing or two as well. Hidden medicine never tasted so good.

15.    Huge:

May I just start by saying that the fact that Huge was canceled after just one season — even though it got solid cable ratings, even though it was a critical darling, even though its cast and crew, according to all reports, got along swimmingly — is reflective of the sad state of modern entertainment. When I heard that there was going to be a show on ABC Family about kids at fat camp, I readied myself for some saccharine, “beauty-comes-from-within” bullshit lesson every week. But the actual finished product was so much more than that. Sure, the kids at the camp dealt with their weight issues on a daily basis, and why shouldn’t they? The emotional treasure trove that creator Winnie Holzmann (of My So-Called Life fame!) had to mine from would have been stupid to gloss over, not to mention the timely nature of the subject matter — childhood obesity is an epidemic that is literally killing our future. And yes, those story lines were good. But the fact that the writers fleshed out (no pun intended) these kids with more than just stereotypical labels (the popular girl has to take care of her infantile mother, her No. 2 is hiding a no-so-popular past — not to mention a secret twin brother and scorned ex-best friend, and the lead of the show is the least-likeable person!) Huge, I will miss you. I think that maybe a lot of kids needed you, and that's just too bad.

#favoriteshowsofalltime

#14- Eerie, Indiana
Marshall moves to a surreal Indiana town where he meets friend Simon and they encounter all kinds of weird shit. I was in love with Marshall (remember cute little Omri Katz in Hocus Pocus?), and I totally identified with Simon. Favorite episodes include the one where the ATM befriends lonely Simon and gives him money, and the one with the retainer that tunes into the vocal waves of a group of evil dogs looking to take over the world. Weird shit.

Maybe it's just me...

... but I think that Real Housewives of Beverly Hills mouth monster Taylor Armstrong looks a bit like real-mouth-monster-who-makes-movies-in-Beverly-Hills Julia Roberts, no?

How do we bid adieu to the show that brought us more catfights, hookups, scandals and subject-verb disagreement than we ever could have asked for? I’d like to do a recap and review some of my favorite Hills moments of the past five years.

Last night’s finale was a kind-of-sad, kind-of-nauseating ode to what it means to grow up and move on when you’re an over-privileged white kid living in Southern California. Since Lauren Conrad left the show last season and Kristin Cavillari sort of limped along, replaying the slutty, manipulative bitch role she honed while fighting over “Ste-viiiiiin” on Laguna Beach (eventually learning that television audiences don’t dig unlikeable reality show protagonists and settling into playing a poor man’s version of L.C.) it was apparent that renewal was probably not going to be an option. I mean, these people’s salaries had been re-upped to something like $25,000 per person, per episode so why would they agree to pay when those idiots on Jersey Shore are willing to make fools of themselves for a bottle of Valtrex and a cheap tanning package?)

So now, with no reality show to film (and no discernible income), our fearless band of heroes have to decide what to do with the rest of their lives. The four remaining main characters: Kristin, who isn’t actually friends with any of these girls, Lo, who somehow got dragged into all of this when she was living with Lauren but who stuck around when she realized that $25,000 an episode was pretty hard to turn down, Audrina, whose ceiling eyes and buoyant implants have marked the series’ most vapid moments (that’s saying something!) and Stephanie, who somehow went from being Spencer’s drugged out, violent little sister to the most sensible one on the show, get together to talk about their futures.

Steph is just so happy! Everyone can tell because she’s just positively glowing; they don’t realize that that’s just because she isn’t drinking a gallon of Appletini every week. Audrina isn’t quite so happy. We find this out in a little depressing/awkward interchange:

Aud: You look really happy.
Steph: I am! I’ve just found my happy place
Aud: I don’t think that I have. I feel like I’m still looking.
Steph: But you used to…
Aud: No, not really.

How fucking sad! So I’m supposed to believe that after all of these years of lounging by the pool and riding away into the sunset with Justin Bobby and pretending to work in various offices she still hasn’t found happiness? Not even when she filmed Into the Blue 2??? God, Audrina. That’s just sad! On the other hand, Lo is. She’s decided to totally jump off the cliff and move in with ol’ dopey eyes. She loves him and she has a normal job and she wants to have babies!!! All of the girls “ooooh” and “aaaaahhhh” over this and I cringe at the idea of them babysitting. Finally we come to Kristin, who is seriously going through a “mid-20s mid-life crisis” and just doesn’t know what to do with her life. She’s bored and lost and is feeling the wanderlust that only pretty blond girls whose parents own beach-front properties can. It’s Europe or bust (which is kind of the most vague kind of geographical directive you could give) and she’s got to leave right away! — right after she talks to Brody and has a going away party and films The Hills Finale After Party two months later.

The rest of the episode is composed of these people wrapping up their story lines. Audrina looks at a beach house so that she can “get out of Hollywood” and “clear her head.” I will avoid the obvious joke here. It may just be me and my wacky responsibility piping up again, but I think that moving into a really expensive beach house immediately after your only source of regular income has been eradicated is maybe not the best idea. Well, there is that rumored Audrina reality show that everyone’s been talking about. Puke.

Steph drives two hours to see her new motor-cross dude race, and afterward she has “the talk” with him. Throughout this scene my boyfriend says that he “likes her” because she seems nice and normal and she wears an adorable pseudo-athletic outfit to see her athlete date. “That’s what you would wear if I raced bikes.” Yes Grant, yes it is. So, the talk goes something like this: “You look like, you’re just, like, this tough, motorcycle guy, but then, like, you’re just like a big Carebear underneath.” The saying is “teddy bear” but that’s okay, Steph. I’ll let this one slide. This precipitates a “I’m not dating anyone else” “I’m not dating anyone else either” “Do you want to be dating anyone else?” conversation and it’s all too adorable and sweet to ignore. I hope they order Diet Coke and Sprites for a long, long, time.

Let’s see… who else? Lo moved in with her unfortunate looking boyfriend. He seems nice and stable and older than all of them. He also loves her — enough to say that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Her little face lights up and you can tell that she doesn’t want to beam because it makes her cheeks look fat. It’s a very real, very endearing moment. If nothing else, these two will have that on tape for the rest of their lives and that’s really something.

On the crazy end of the pond, Kristin needs to close the book on Brody before she begins gallivanting off to Ye Olde Europe. So, she meets him on top of some roof in downtown Los Angeles swimming in a pool in his sunglasses (I WANT A ROOFTOP POOL. MAXIMUM TANNING. MAXIMUM PRIVACY. MAXIMUM ‘HOLY SHIT I’M SWIMMING ON TOP OF A REALLY, REALLY HIGH BUILDING’ FEELING.) She sits down on a chaise lounge and tells him the big news. She’s leaving — maybe for a month, maybe for the summer, maybe she’ll settle down with a nice French man named Jacques who feeds her cheese cubes and plays the lyrical guitar. Brody asks her if the decision has anything to do with him. What a bold-faced thing to do, Brody Jenner! How could you be so audacious as to assume that you would be the sole reason why reality super star Kristin Cavallari would leave the home-baked glow of Los Angeles for the cold, blistering, rainy lull of god damn Europe. I want to yell at him and say that he’s wrong, but he’s right. He’s so, so right. All the while, Brody’s new squeeze — Canadian songstress/eyeliner proponent Avril Lavigne — is calling endlessly, wondering why things have to be so complicated. Kristin invites him to her going away party but he doesn’t know if he’s going to come because that will be, in some way, condoning her leaving. Oh, Brody Jenner. You are a grade A dickhead.

The party happens and it’s at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel — the same place Heidi snuck all of her friends into under the watchful eye of Teen Vogue intern Lauren Conrad in the very first season of The Hills! Times were simpler then. Heidi was a spunky party-girl whose enigmatic personality made up for the fact that she wasn’t as traditionally attractive as her sweet-but-mundane friend. Lauren’s hair was a terrible shade of blond. Spencer Pratt didn’t even exist. Ah, memories.

No one’s sneaking in and there are no fights tonight. Everyone’s just saying a fake goodbye to Kristin, which is actually a fake goodbye to the show. Brody tells her not to leave, that he will miss her. A single, glistening tear runs down his golden tan and perfect stubble — I wonder what it feels like to nuzzle his face? Probably like holding a newborn puppy — and the moment is had. The next day Kristin plans to leave the country (maybe just drive down the street?) so she puts on her finest shorty-shorts and heads out to her car. Who should be there but Brody, wishing her goodbye. Telling her that he wants her to stay… “That’s all that I’ve wanted to hear you say for so long. But I have to leave.” She gets into the car, the camera settles on Brody, Hollywood sign in the background, and suddenly some shit goes down! The Hollywood sign/sunset is removed as a backdrop and a movie set is revealed. Kristin gets out of the car, hugs Brody, someone yells, “CUT!” and The Hills is over.

So what did it all mean??? During the after show Brody Jenner asserted that it had an open-ended meaning, “You never know what’s real and what’s not. Maybe our [Kristin and Brody] relationship was all fake.” Maybe that’s what it is — I certainly don’t think that everything on the show was fake. Surely after Lauren left there was more falsification, less concentration on the real-life feelings of these people, but I think that some of it was real. I know for damn sure that Brody and Kristin’s friends-with-benefits situation was real. You could smell the stink of desperation on her when he looked at her, and the involvement of alcohol certainly aided in more than a few “ride home together” nights. But mostly, I think that the ending was a big “Look What I Did” from Adam Divello. The man who crafted the semi-scripted concept for Laguna Beach, and continued — with success — to helm the reigns of the equally fake The Hills created a new television art form. In acknowledging that it was fake, he also shed light on the fact that what he created had never been done before. American didn’t need something real to become invested — and they didn’t need something fake to ensure that whatever hardships or triumphs were far enough away from their own lives that they didn’t sting — they just needed a well-crafted story and a few hundred tequila shots to get them hooked. Surely it isn’t the reality (or lack thereof) that entices an audience, but the reassurance that some things will always be the same. Audrina’s eyes will always stare aimlessly upward. Kristin’s skin will always be a glowing tan. Brody will always be simultaneously aggravating and attractive. The rest, is still unwritten.

Man, The City is really trying to set Whitney Port up to be a villain at the end of this season. Why would you make your main character unlikeable? Why, to show her as a phoenix rising from the ashes next season, of course. I can’t wait ‘til she crashes and burns outside of a club in SoHo, ranting about her Whitney Eve lace leggings to anyone who will listen and flipping Roxy the bird. Then she can apologize to everyone about how she lost her way in the big city of New York and just wants to go back — back to being a sweet unaffected girl from California, back to being to kind of person who sounded strange uttering the word “bitch.” It’ll all be so Rachel Getting Married.

In the meantime, she has to self-destruct first. After last week’s episode where she yelled at Roxy for not getting the multi-platinum band Lights to wear a floral mini-dress, she’s still angry. You can tell because she’s not talking to Roxy while they both “work” at People’s Revolution (I spot Kell on Earth actual employees in the background!) She takes the opportunity to tell Kelly that although Roxy is a totally inept cuntbag (I’m summing things up here) she went to a jewelry showing to “get inspired” and lo and behold Erin from Elle was there with her own camera crew in tow. How weird! She told her about a shoot for Ashley Greene that they’re doing and asked if she had any black dresses that they might be able to use. Why, of course she has black dresses! She didn’t in her first collection but she’s learned since then. Every collection needs black because it goes with everything and high class fashion bitches in New York loooooove black.

So, Whitney’s all on her high horse about the failure of Roxy and how awesome she is at networking with people who MTV has scripted her to network with and Kelly Cutrone, seeing the dramz, says the girls, “Hey ladies! I see that there’s some bad blood over something that totally doesn’t matter in the long run but I need you both to attend this benefit for AIDS. It’s a fashion benefit for AIDS so there will be lots of power gays there and skinny bitches in black and a runway show full of insane hats so I’m going to need you to sit in the front row and represent."


And hats there were. All sorts of hats with flowers and sequins and wizamagoos. Hats to fight AIDS! What a gloriously stupid concept! But it’s all very important. So important that Whitney and Roxy getting into a mini fight about Roxy going to look at apartments is a total social snafu!

See, earlier Roxy (having been told by Whitney that she thinks it would be a good idea for her to move out) went to look at an apartment. It was perfect! It had a fireplace and a bedroom and over 700 square feet! And it was only $4,000/month! She went out to eat with her Dad to ask him to fork over some money for the place and he said, “No, sweetie. That’s waaaaaay too much money for me to be giving you. I mean, are you aware that that’s $48,000 a year. That’s more than Helen Cooper even earns. Seriously.” It’s a hard knock life for a big time Hollywood producer’s daughter.

Roxy ends up moving out and going to stay with gap-toothed friend whose name I can never remember and Whitney looks out the window whistfully, wondering how she’s going to foot the bill on her own $6,000/month apartment without the help of Roxy’s dad. New York City tears people apart!

Meanwhile in the Elle world, Olivia is being a bitch. I know you’re surprised. The Ashley Greene photo shoot is taking place and Joe Zee really wants to get one of Whitney’s pieces into the magazine but Olivia is having none of it. When she looks at the black skirt and black dress and shiny jacket she sees nothing but a big pile of dog doo doo. She’s a fashion guru and she can’t make dog doo doo go with Ballenciaga.

Luckily she’s going to Japan for a “work trip.” She’s going to interview people and check in at the Elle Japan office, so it’s really worth her leaving. Erin is happy to be rid of her for a few days and so am I. I can’t take much more of her law-jaw effected accent. Bon Voyage, Olivia! I hope you get lost and never come back!

It’s the second-to-last episode of The Hills EVER! And there are so many unanswered questions still! Whatever happened to Jen Bunny? Why does no one think that it’s weird that Justin Bobby has slept with everyone on the show and is still friends with everyone on the show? Why was Ali Lutz introduced for two episodes? Why are these people buying houses as if they’ll have some kind of steady income after this show is over? God, it feels just like the end of Lost. Except, not really at all.

The group is still decompressing from their trip to Costa Rica. It was a hard ride, helping all of those orphans and constructing all of those schools. What’s that? They just got drunk and fought with each other? Hmm… I bet that was tiring too. Kristin still hasn’t spoken to Brody since he called her “like a little sister.” No one has taken issue with this being totally sick-out gross — they think it’s “mean.” Brody doesn’t though. He goes to Ye Old Bike Shop where Not Charlie works (we know this because he has a towel stuck in his back pocket) and rides a little moped around to blow off steam. He just doesn’t think of Kristin like that, dude. He’s also moved onto bigger and better things, and by that I mean Canadian pop princess Avril Lavigne. You seen her in a hoodie kicking stuff over, you’ve wondered how that much eyeliner is possible, you’ve even spotted her being totally mean and horrific to American Idol contestants who can actually sing, and now she’s getting matching “FUCK” tattoos with Brody Jenner.

Poor Kristin doesn’t know yet, and that makes her time at the club — sitting directly next to Brody but not talking to him — all the more awkward. But not everything was bad about the visit to the club! Stephanie finally met a boy who she likes. Sure, he looks like a brain dead heroin addict and his profession is “racing bikes” but he’s nice! And he asks for her number! And when he takes her out he orders a Sprite when she orders a Pepsi. Ah, young love.

There’s a side-story about Lo and her stable relationship that features a rare appearance by her BF where they have dinner together and he asks if she would like to move in with him. She’s all back and forth like, “Ugh, everyone who moves in together breaks up, so I want to be engaged before I move in.” You know what, Lo Bosworth? We’re all tired of your making sense bullshit. I, for one, think that this show would be a whole lot more interesting if you had a sex-tape scandal or started worshiping crystals. Normalcy is so passé.

Poor Kristin is not so lucky in love. Brody tells her that he wants to get together to talk and she’s all, “Hooray! I can finally tell him how I feel!” She spills her guts to him all over the floor and her poor little heart is sitting there just beating for him, hoping that one day it too can become half-Kardashian when he decides to stomp on it with his motorcycle boots (let’s not kid ourselves, flip-flops) and tells her that he’s seeing someone else! The amount that pop artists who we popular five years ago comes between these people is really kind of amazing.

The only other loose end that we get to tie up is what ever happened to Heidi. You remember her; she was a fresh-faced up-and-coming singer whose new marriage to husband Spencer was just the picture of stability. It seems that she’s taken a bit of a respite from The Hills and no one can find her — not even her mom (who flew all the way in from Colorado) and her sister Holly. There’s something different about Holly but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe she got highlights? Anywho, the two can’t locate Heidi anywhere and share a nice lunch where they mourn her like she’s a dead person. How sweet. Maybe on next week’s (LAST EVER!) episode we’ll find out what happened.