Stop Staring at that Box, You'll Ruin Your Eyes

LV and Douchebags
Or the Episode of The City in Which Whitney Dates a Gay Man

One of the reasons that I love New York City so much is that I can walk down a SoHo street and witness a man holding a Hermes bag stick his tongue down another man's throat. Not that I condone public displays of affection or murses, but the fact that no one cares or notices, the fact that everyone is free to be whatever they want to be, that the lines between acceptability ranges or labels is totally blurred. But that blurring can lead to some fairly murky waters. For example: the quintessential New York date with a gay boy. Now, I've dated some gay boys in my life. Some were nice, some were mean, most I met in my harrowed history in the theater arts but all provided me with a beautiful "a-ha" moment in which I realized why they never kissed me or cared as much about NBA playoffs as I did. But I've never dated in NYC, and I've certainly never experienced the gay-date first hand. But I did watch this week's episode of The City, so I feel like I know what the experience feels like.

Plaid will throw off the scent

Whitney gets set up on a blind date with a dude who works at Bergdorff. His own personal job description is as follows: "I convince people to buy ridiculously expensive clothing." So, he's a shopboy. Fair enough. But he proceeds to tangentally engage Whitney in a conversation about abbrevs. You know. Shortening things to they're tots eas. Y K? And he gets mad at her for not knowing what LV meant. I mean, I knew that it was Louis Vuittan but I also have a uterus and color-coded closet. Needless to say, there will not be a second date.

Over-plucked turkey

Simulateously, Roxy was going on a date with a fellow California transplant. I knew that he wasn't a East coast boy because he had spikey hair and dressed like he shopped at a store that sold graphic tees.

The morning after? I think not.

I also knew that the dates hadn't happened simulateously because Roxy's eyebrows were full-on super-tweezed in the shots. My hunch is that they went on a date early on, totally banged, the producers told her to date him again after Whitney went on her date, and the set-up for this season's "Club Argument" was made. Roxy tells Spikey to bring hot guys with him to meet up with some friends at a club. Instead he brings a troupe of failed 28-year-old models with him and strolls in looking like Justin Bobby.

He looks like Joe Francis.

Roxy gets fake mad and I don't really care but her description of the events the following day at People's Revolution are priceless. "He came in dressing like he's never dressed before with a gaggle of has-been old models." Oh, Roxy.

Also in the episode: Olivia tries out a different hairstyle. JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!

I think think this occasion calls for long, loose curls feebly tied back.