WTF is this?!

Glee is tomorrow...here's your one stop sneak peak extravaganza!

A couple of teaser clips...







Guest star Kristin Chenowith sings!

Survivor: Samoa premiered on CBS a couple weeks ago and I have to admit that this season seems to be a bit more exciting than the previous few. The biggest reason why? Producers found a new supervillian in oil tycoon Russell. But at what cost?

The game has had its fair share of villains, most noticeably Big Gay Richard from the first season and the always conniving Johnny Fairplay. Russell is hoping to go down in history as the bad guy who won big, and so far his antics have been successful. The two people who stood in his way, who noticed that he may not be the man who he claims to be, have been sent packing.

And who does he claim to be? He has told fellow castaways that he is a Hurricane Katrina victim who lost his dog to the flood waters. He's a big dumb country boy who works hard physically and gets a bad rap from dumb girls who aren't contributing enough. In actuality, he's an oil Tycoon from Texas who appears to be an incredibly sexist, power-hungry masculinity trope whose gameplay includes dumping everyone's water out of their canteens. Most of this I take no issue with. I don't care about their water; I actually think that keeping the camp in disarray makes people point fingers and as long as the fingers aren't predisposed in your direction it's a good tactic. And the must talked about lie about Hurricane Katrina? I don't care what people on the internet are saying, lies are necessary to win this game. Hatch lied to everyone and won a million and Johnny Fairplay's dead Grandmother lie was perhaps the best piece of gameplay ever. These shows are as much about my observance of human nature as they are about the manipulation of this nature.

I am, however, observing something pretty troubling. Evil Russell is a masogonistic ass. And he's being rewarded for his trouble. In the first day on the island, Russell makes alliances with three of the young, attractive girls on the island. He then promptly names this the "Dumb Girl Alliance". What exactly made them dumb? Well, they're young and attractive of course. And those two things can never coexist with intelligence. Look at me. I'm dumb as a fucking rock. Russell goes on to let the cameras know that he will be manipulating the girls because they're stupid and easily manipulated. A large male who believes that women can and should be easily manipluated because they belong to the inferior sex. Sounds like my kind of guy. Except that his assertions aren't right at all. In the past two weeks two of the women have gotten leery of Russell's creepy ways (see, girls--even dumb ones-- can spot a dickhead a mile away) and expressed their distrust to Russell. Seeing red at these vaginas having opinions, he has convinced a tribe full of men who buy into these tropes and the women who are too scared to stand against them to send these independent voices home.

I guess the masogony is contagious because Ben, a member of the team hit a girl in the face during the challenge and everyone was cool with it. Cool enough not to vote him off. When Jeff Probst (who seems genuinely concerned about the level of sexist behavior being displayed) questions another male member of the tribe about the incident he replies, "That's how Bennie rolls basically. The guy doesn't just show teeth, he bites." Yeah guys, he doesn't just display idle threats to small women. He punches them in the fucking face. He's a man.

Alas, this is what reality television does. It holds a mirror up to society and says, "Jesus, you guys are messed up! Anybody want to watch a train wreck?" Train wreck indeed.

I thought that I would mention the return of television's biggest cryfest, The Biggest Loser. I've waxed poetic on the blog before about how this show is really the best that reality, or television in general, has to offer. So, what happens to a good reality show once it become popular?

Well, the first thing is the mass ordering of more episodes. The producers of Biggest Loser have done this before with filler outings of Biggest Loser:Families (one episode jaunts that featured the weight loss exploits of just one family at home) proved both inadequate in content and ratings. Instead, the producers tried pushing more and more actual seasons into the year.

The problem with this formula is that the audience gets burned out on the schtick. Reality programming especially has a particularly formulaic editing process. Training, conflict, diet tip, training, personal conflict, overcoming-adversity-story, worried contestants, last chance workout, weigh-in, discussion, voting. I still cry everytime but it's all getting a little...scheduled.

They're certainly trying to make this season different in some ways. They've brought back fan-favorite from last season Daniel--the former largest contestant ever--and he's just genuine enough for his tips and guardian like behavior not to be annoying. Bob and Gillian are training together for the first time and it's fun to see the competition more about personal weight loss than it is about mob team mentality. And the saddest contestant story ever, a woman whose two children and husband were killed in a car crash, makes me want someone to win perhaps harder than I ever have.

So far, the forula seems to be working. Other reality programs have done it before. The Amazing Race and Survivor are both in their teens and twenties, and they're still pumping out quality, fresh product. Biggest Loser could, however, benefit from a little CBS storyline/editing to keep the old standby from getting stale.

Celebrity Fit Club has Finalized Its Season:





Shar Jackson- K-Fed's ex and baby mama. You may know her from Ex-Wive's Club, Celebrity Rap-Off prostituting herself all over whichever magazine or television show will have her. Oh, and Moesha too. That time that she hooked up with Jason Alexander (no, not that Jason Alexander) just to get back at K-Fed was pretty classy.

Kevin Federline- You know him as K-Fed. Or Fed-Ex. Or K-Fat as of late. He's the smarmy, chain-smoking, white trashtastic back up dancer whose burgeoning rap career woo'd the likes of Britney Spears. After a terrible breakup, a shaved head, mental hospital and custody battles, it looks like Britney's back on track and Kevin's life has been derailed. Oh, to see he and Shar back together again.

Bobby Brown- What can be said about Bobby Brown that hasn't already been said by Joel McHale? He used to be in a boyband. Then he was a singer. Then he married a huge star. Then he did lots and lots of crack. After that he did Gone Country and continued to enjoy the residual effects of a lifetime of crack cocaine use. It's really just a beautiful cinderella story that led us to VH1 Celebreality.

Nicole Eggert- She's the pretty one from Baywatch. No, not Yasmine Bleeth. She's long since suffered from caved-out coke nose. But Nicole Eggert (also the pretty one on Charles in Charge), has piled on a few pounds since her red one-piece days, and she's looking for a way to get back onto the radar.

Kaycee Strough- She was the fat one on High School Musical. If Ashley Tisdale can fix her nose, why can't Kaycee get on a treadmill?

Sebastian Bach- The frontman for Skid Row is looking a lot bloated these days. His failing career found him also slumming it on the likes of Celebrity Rap-Off and ManBand. It's kind of sad to see someone cling to fame this desperately. Hopefully it'll lead to awkwardly delicious scale crying.

Tanisha- TANISHA IS FROM BAD GIRLS' CLUB AND SHE WILL START A SAUCEPAN CONCERT IF YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE HER JUMP OFF!

Jay McCarroll- The winner of Season 1 of Project Runway famously lambasted the producers of the show for thrusting ill-prepared designers into the cut-throat world of pop-culture stardom. Last we heard of him he had spent some nights living on the street.

So...it looks like another trainwreck waiting to happen. At least we can be sure of no Dustin Diamond appearances.

Heroes has returned, and after the last two seasons of what can only be described as a putrid, festering corpse of the potential that it once had, I considered this season's premiere a make-or-break episode.

So, how did the sinking ship fare?

I'd say that it's shoveling just fast enough.

When we last left off, Parkman had done his mental mojo magic on a shapeshifted actually-Sylar-but-he-had-embodied-Nathan's-personality-and-visage into thinking that he was really Nathan. Got that? Well, it's a bit convoluted, but I decided to go with it because it means that Nathan and his zeitgeist ways could stick around and Zach Quinto could have the sort of schedule flexibility that allowed for a prompt Star Trek 2.

But I guess the trick didn't really work all that well since Sylar is popping up holding Baby Parkman and joining the middle of Matt's addiction roundcircle. And on top of all of that, Nathan's hearing that incessant clock-ticking which would make anyone turn into a pychopathic serial killer. Ummm...I have a few issues with this storyline. I'm to assume that Sylar is able to walk and talk and pick up adorable babies but no one else can see this mental outcropping of part of a telepathic genius who is trying to suppress his powers by going to 12-step meetings? What are these meetings for? Other police-men who have super-powers that no longer morally coalesce with your lifestyle? And they're just cool with you talking to imaginary people in the middle of the meetings? I hope there're some heroin junkies up in there who can identify.

By episode's end, Matt seems to have rebuked his quest for life without powers in order to force a water delivery guy (who the hell has a water delivery guy???) to never come to the house again. In all fairness, Mrs. Parkman has been kind of a ho in the past, and anyone who's veiwed a couple dozen pornos knows that muscular dudes who deliver things are almost always up to no good. But seriously guys, wasn't Matt just in love with Daphne? Or is this like that time Peter left his girlfriend in the future and then never talked about her again? Cause that really happened.

Speaking of, Peter is back to being the world's brooding-est male nurse. He's effectually ambulance chasing and keeping a creepy newspaper wall of the lives he's saved while using his powers. As always Peter is useless in this episode. I mean, he has the coolest powers possible and they have to be wasted on a guy who would wear eyeliner if he went to high school nowadays. Long story short, I hate Peter.

Uh, Claire went to college. Her perky roommate who used to be on Days of Our Lives (she, in fact, won a Daytime Emmy for her performance and Chelsea--I also love DooL suckas!) committed suicide. Or, that's what the police are saying. The numbers don't add up, and Claire's new creppy friend, little girl from The Nanny, agrees. She also saw Claire throw herself from a window and shove her ribs back into her body. Blah, blah. Seriously, get this chick a throat lozenge.

Tracy still exists. Don't get me wrong. I love Ali Larter. She's the prettiest lady out there with little bitty boobies, but Tracey? She's even lamer than...um...schitzo hero. See, I don't even remember her name. She tries to kill Denko. Then she tries to kill HRG. Then Denko saves him. Then HRG makes a deal with Tracy. Then Tracy goes to Denko's house but some crazy super fast knife guy comes in and kills him. Did I not mention the crazy super fast knife guy from the Carnival? He also happens to be the dude who played Darth Maul, so that's distracting.

Oh, boy. There is apparently a commune of people with powers who live in a carnival and carry compasses? They've lost a member due to some unnamed wrong done to them, and are looking for replacement(s). There's Tattoo Lady, Wheezy, Darth Maul, and Tommy Lee. It's the storyline this season. I'm gonna stop watching this show.

Oh, Brotherly love.

This season of Project Runway is okay. I wish that it was more than just okay. I wish that the location change from New York to Los Angeles hadn't diminished the credibility of one of the few remaining legit reality shows on television, or brought on a slew of "Why are they there?" celebrity judges (Eva Longoria-Parker? Lindsay 'Trainwreck' Lohan?). However downhill it has gone, I'm still watching. I think I'll be on board as long as Tim Gunn is.

This week's challenge was to create an outfit out of newspaper. It's the kind of challenge the show is famous for--asking designers to think outside of the box with construction and materials as well as designs. I'm sort of upset that this wasn't the very first challenge, I mean, what kind of a throw away was the "Red Carpet Challenge"? What they produced was good, bad and ugly.

THE BEST

Althea created this body-contouring cocktail dress which Parker-Longoria said she "would totally wear". It does look like something that most fashion conscious women would put on and the pattern--created entirely from layering pieces of graphic on pages--is as visually appealing as it is creative. I think that Althea should have won but suspect that the judges didn't want her to win two weeks in a row.

I generally think that Christopher's design aesthetic belongs in a prom store in the mall rather than NY fashion week, and that includes the concept of this dress, but the execution of the design and the juxtaposition of the hard and soft (getting paper to sway like that was genius) deserved acclaim.

THE WORST

After a lot of crap talking, Nicholas ended up in the bottom two with a dress that made my boyfriend say, "It looks like a beetle". The judges, too, thought that it was insect inspired and annoying, emo Nicholas almost went home.

Johnny's awkward paper craft project dress got him the boot. And good riddance after he made some BS reason as to why he threw his first dress away (yay for Tim Gunn calling him out!) and used the rest of his time doing a freaking crossword puzzle.

THE WINNER

In the end, Irina won for this trench. I'll give it to her, the look is visually stunning and looks like a trench coat. But it appears costume-y to me. It's as if she's a set designer assigned with the task of creating real-world clothing in an alternate universe where only newspaper is available. Sort of the point of the challenge, I'll admit, but a little to literally responsive to the task. You shouldn't be able to tell that it's newspaper. And the fact that Tommy Hilfiger could see the scotch tape? Unforgivable.