Heroes has returned, and after the last two seasons of what can only be described as a putrid, festering corpse of the potential that it once had, I considered this season's premiere a make-or-break episode.
So, how did the sinking ship fare?
I'd say that it's shoveling just fast enough.
When we last left off, Parkman had done his mental mojo magic on a shapeshifted actually-Sylar-but-he-had-embodied-Nathan's-personality-and-visage into thinking that he was really Nathan. Got that? Well, it's a bit convoluted, but I decided to go with it because it means that Nathan and his zeitgeist ways could stick around and Zach Quinto could have the sort of schedule flexibility that allowed for a prompt Star Trek 2.
But I guess the trick didn't really work all that well since Sylar is popping up holding Baby Parkman and joining the middle of Matt's addiction roundcircle. And on top of all of that, Nathan's hearing that incessant clock-ticking which would make anyone turn into a pychopathic serial killer. Ummm...I have a few issues with this storyline. I'm to assume that Sylar is able to walk and talk and pick up adorable babies but no one else can see this mental outcropping of part of a telepathic genius who is trying to suppress his powers by going to 12-step meetings? What are these meetings for? Other police-men who have super-powers that no longer morally coalesce with your lifestyle? And they're just cool with you talking to imaginary people in the middle of the meetings? I hope there're some heroin junkies up in there who can identify.
By episode's end, Matt seems to have rebuked his quest for life without powers in order to force a water delivery guy (who the hell has a water delivery guy???) to never come to the house again. In all fairness, Mrs. Parkman has been kind of a ho in the past, and anyone who's veiwed a couple dozen pornos knows that muscular dudes who deliver things are almost always up to no good. But seriously guys, wasn't Matt just in love with Daphne? Or is this like that time Peter left his girlfriend in the future and then never talked about her again? Cause that really happened.
Speaking of, Peter is back to being the world's brooding-est male nurse. He's effectually ambulance chasing and keeping a creepy newspaper wall of the lives he's saved while using his powers. As always Peter is useless in this episode. I mean, he has the coolest powers possible and they have to be wasted on a guy who would wear eyeliner if he went to high school nowadays. Long story short, I hate Peter.
Uh, Claire went to college. Her perky roommate who used to be on Days of Our Lives (she, in fact, won a Daytime Emmy for her performance and Chelsea--I also love DooL suckas!) committed suicide. Or, that's what the police are saying. The numbers don't add up, and Claire's new creppy friend, little girl from The Nanny, agrees. She also saw Claire throw herself from a window and shove her ribs back into her body. Blah, blah. Seriously, get this chick a throat lozenge.
Tracy still exists. Don't get me wrong. I love Ali Larter. She's the prettiest lady out there with little bitty boobies, but Tracey? She's even lamer than...um...schitzo hero. See, I don't even remember her name. She tries to kill Denko. Then she tries to kill HRG. Then Denko saves him. Then HRG makes a deal with Tracy. Then Tracy goes to Denko's house but some crazy super fast knife guy comes in and kills him. Did I not mention the crazy super fast knife guy from the Carnival? He also happens to be the dude who played Darth Maul, so that's distracting.
Oh, boy. There is apparently a commune of people with powers who live in a carnival and carry compasses? They've lost a member due to some unnamed wrong done to them, and are looking for replacement(s). There's Tattoo Lady, Wheezy, Darth Maul, and Tommy Lee. It's the storyline this season. I'm gonna stop watching this show.
Oh, Brotherly love.
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