An Ode to Harper's Island...

I love the CBS mini-series event Harper's Island. It's basically a horror movie spread out and broken up into one hour episodes for our viewing pleasure. It's a (to my knowledge) untried format which I hope is doing pretty well. It's all the shock and intrigue of who killed Laura Palmer with none of the creepy midgets and the added satisfaction of knowing that after 10 episodes it'll all be over. Plus, it has totally awesome gross-out murders.

The story centers on the impeding nuptials of Trish Wellington (a moneyed beauty) and Henry Dunn (a grown-up former boy from the other side of the tracks) on the island of Harper's Bay. Sounds scenic, right? Weeeeeeel, there's the small detail of a bunch of peeps being brutally murdered and hung up like damp drawers ten years ago---amongst those deaths the mother of Abby Mills---our story's narrator, island native turned run-away and Henry's BFF. There are a slew of tertiary characters most acted well enough (my favs include recently engaged British Cal and socialite Chloe) and are annoying at worst (little girl Madison isn't so much creepy as she is bothersome). I love Henry and Trish best though. Christopher Gorham has been a favorite of mine since his days on Popular and Katie Cassidy (yes, that Katie Cassidy who I first saw on a VH1 special about her father, the girl who dated Jesse McCartney, the one in both Black Christmas AND When a Stranger Calls, the girl who's about to be in the new Melrose Place revamp) is actually pretty decent---and she looks much better with brown hair.

Only a few more episodes left, I'd recommend you pop a bunch of popcorn and watch it all on CBS.com. And for my money, I think that Henry did it all. Tune in to find out.

I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here

This week was kicked off in style with a 2-hour episode of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. When we last left off Angela had been voted out of the jungle by America having suffered from bouts of insanity as evidenced by convulsive crying, and talking to herself. Heidi and Spencer had quit, come back only to discover their personal items including dry shampoo Heidi was intensely and unhealthily attached to had been divvied up. At this point Spencer defended his wife's honor, and hair product, but being physically aggressive with a female cast member. Next they quit, came back, quit, came back, Spencer got baptized by Stephen Baldwin, they sat out of challenges like little babies, Janice slept all day, Sanjaya got bit by bullet ants, Spencer and Heidi quit for real this time, Daniel Baldwin (the coke-head, oft-arrested fat Baldwin) joined the cast, and Spencer and Heidi begged to be let back into the camp claiming that the Devil had taken over their bodies and made them leave. Got all that?

Producers tell us in the first five minutes that the cast has voted to let Spencer and Heidi back in. This is confusing to me because I'm pretty sure I watched that vote go down and people did not want them back. I also read Angela's exit interview and she claims that the vote did take place and that they voted not to let Spencer and Heidi back in. Oh, you sneaky producers! It's backwards day in Costa Rica! Drrrrr!!!!

Then, with little fanfare and seriously little airtime, Francis up and quits. Hm, guess all quitters aren't treated the same on this show.

Some challenges happen, the boys get food, Spencer and Heidi start to look a little Jesus Camp, Janice Dickensen is alternately a wrinkly old bitch and a skinny old bitch, Daniel Baldwin proves to be the only contestant saying what we're all thinking, and Heidi is taken to the hospital after puking all night.

I'm no medical doctor but it seems to me that one might want to drink a crap ton of water and eat something every once in awhile if they were say, camping in the Costa Rican wilderness. Apparently not, according to Heidi. So, she has to quit the show---this time presumably for good---because of an ulcer. Don't worry, her super interesting sister Holly will be joining us next week.

Top 3 Moments from this episode:

3. Heidi "sings" and Janice says she sounds like a dying cat.



What?! She sounds good, ya'll.

2. Sanjaya chokes on balls.

1. Heidi and Spencer leave!!!!! (Forever fingers crossed!)

Charlie Back on Lost???

So, if you've been watching ABC at all lately, and can't fast forward (like me), you've seen some of the fall line-up spots. They're pretty cute actually, ABC's a family and characters from different shows are all interacting in the ABC house. Cutesy enough but not interesting until our favorite hobbit turned heroin addict turned martyr, Dominick Moynahan showed up.



Could it be?! Could Charlie, whose death I wept over and bemoaned really be coming back?!

Well, according to various sources the actor could be headed to either Flash Forward (still not sure if I'm excited about this show but Sonja Walger---our starcrossed lover Penny is a series regular so at least I could say "NOT PENNY'S BOAT!!! like 80 times per episode) or Gray's Anatomy. Let me express my feelings on this through Ben gif...


Please, please, please bring back Charlie Hobbit. It would make me really happy.

Shocking Revelation

Everyone's favorite cross-dressing, penis-loving, glam-rock American Idol runner-up is gracing the cover of Rolling Stone this month. In the issue, hitting newsstands this Friday, Adam Lambert officially comes out (duh), calls Kris Allen hot (duh), and looks fierce in leather (duh).

Now the only question is, what's up with that butterfly? Was Mariah Carey styling this photo shoot?

Bridezilla Season Premeire

Bridezillas premiered last night filling that void we'd had all hiatus for self-entitled brats insisting that everything is about them. And no, Heidi and Spencer don't count.

It's all very entertaining, don't get me wrong, but these girls are some hot messes. Minus the hot. This time we were treated to the nuptuals of Batman and Hermione Granger. Oopsie, I mean this fat nerd and this other fatty who never quite got over her time as a techie in high school theater. I don't want to shock you, but she's a huge bitch and he's a giant pushover.

If this sounds like something that you'd like to watch, please tune in Sunday nights this summer on WEtv.

Daisy of Love still contagious

There really are no words when it comes to describing the aesthetics found on Daisy of Love, the painfully self-promotional VH1 reality dating show starring Rock of Love cast off and former Bret Michaels bedfellow Daisy De la Hoya. De la Hoya looks like a real like blow up doll in every shot, from her fish-faced makeout scenes to the awkward and stilted personal interview shots (remember when you were in elementary school and the teacher called on that one kid who really ought not be reading aloud in class and you took yourself to your happy place in order not to be listening to the reading anymore? That's kind of what it's like seeing Daisy read producers' prompts).

And beyond the surface of things, it doesn't get much better. Contestants on the show seem dull at best and are more concerned with displaying their machismo and maintaining the attitude that only black and leather accessories can only purvey than exhibiting any degree of intelligence. And when a house full of meatheads with nicknames such as 12-Pack (yes, that 12-Pack---the one who has attempted to hook-up with New York and was successful with Daisy's reality show enemy Heather) and Flex call you stupid, it's fair to say that the audience viewing at home can't even understand what you're saying. I'm looking at you Fox.

What is most upsetting about the show is its promulgation of classic gender tropes. I know that it's VH1. I know that it's Celebreality. I know that Daisy is doing this to herself in order to promote a music career that will most likely never happen. But it just would have been nice to have the blowup doll have a secret brain compartment. Instead, every episode we are privy to Daisy getting more and more attracted to philandering, offensive males only interested in her because of her double-E's and the screen time they can wean from her. I also wish that there was a counter to that. I wish that there was one man in the house that I believed was there because of any reason other than these two. There isn't, and the producers are to blame but at this point Daisy could pull a Madonna---a veritable college girl working the pole to put her way through medical school---and play them all for air-time. She hasn't, and honestly, I don't believe that she will. I guess there's only one way to find out. Tune in next week---Daisy will surely fall further and further for Fox---did I mention that he has a live-in girlfriend? Sigh. I guess her boobs were too big to burn a bra anyhow.

Long Time No View!

Due to financial constraints and packed schedule I have been away from the game for too long. I promise regular updates, snarky comments, links to news and possible even s snazzy new layout. Stay tuned!