Serena is attempting to help Blair get a leg-up on her Yale admissions by getting in well with a major contributor. Trouble is, they're not so interested in chatting so...
Plan B is to babysit the couple's teenage daughter. Only problem is, she's a total slut who's intent on losing her virginity tonight. In that terrible, terrible dress. B's not so happy with S.
This douche is still in the picture. Apparently so are several other "lucky ladies".
Sorry, I stopped caring about this plotline half-way through that sentence. Maybe I never started. Whatever.
Little J has decided since leaving Eleanor Waldorff she's going to put on a "renegade fashion show". I really can't stand when television shows try to come up with cool ways to talk about hip underground things. At this point we don't really know what "renegade fashion show" means but it sounds like Latin American guerrillas might be changing the world through couture. In any event, Nate decides to help...things a boy won't do to get into a 15-year-old's pants. And hat. That fucking hat. Thing.
GAH. This shit. Scarf Douche sends S a licorice ring. I puke all over it and she still waxes poetic in her dude voice about how it's so "schweeeeet".
S and B convince that Baby Slut should come with them to Bart and Lily Bass' event that night. She agrees until Chuck informs her that it's totally lame sauce. She then tries to bag Chuck. He sees it as the perfect occasion to bag a 15-year-old.
Chuck tells Blair that he couldn't do the deal. Turns out the back of a limo is sacred. Awwwwwww. That's my BB boy!
So the wild goose chase begins. S, B and Chuck go to look for Baby Slut and they find her at an...ick...downtown bar. With a boy named Serge. Sick. But she slips through their hands before they can get to her. Fortunately, Chuck finds Mommy Dearest having cocktails with a much younger man. Hubby's nowhere to be found and her reasons for needing a babysitter are less than altruistic. Blackmail would be the eHarmony keyword match for Chuck and Blair.
Oh shiz, turns out that the event little J's new friends scouted out for her is Bart and Lily's huge event. Snap. I think Dan's regretting that decision to wait and tell his Dad right about now.
Good thing she has Nate to take care of her, right? Well, that's one way you can take care of her. Thanks GG for helping Dad, Dan and Vanessa (who might be particularly interested in who Nate's shoving tonguing this week) find out where she is.
While S heads out to her Mom's event, Blair and Chuck find Baby Slut. She's knee deep in pre-surge Serge and she's intent on staying until she gets the job done. See, she wants to beat her best friend to the sack. Thankfully, Chuck called in a favor to GG and she put an APB out that the BFF already tackled that task. Baby Slut has no choice but to leave.
OMG! Renegade fashion show! Apparently this means weirdo music, ugly clothes, models kicking over glasses and lots and lots of screaming whilst throwing polaroids. Also, a slide show. That's so edgy. Everyone loves it except for Dad.
Vanessa loved it until she saw this creeper moment. Feeling betrayed by both her ex-BF and her pseudo-sister, she runs away. Little J goes to find her. Dan rails Nate and tells him to move out. Oopsie. Homeless here he comes.
Chuck and Blair go to drop off Baby Slut. Blair thanks Chuck for his call-in to GG and he's all "Anything for you". And he's such a good actor that it sounds real and I just want to die from how cute they are and I actually think that his strange nostrils are cute. L-O-V-E.
Blair has a tender heart to heart with Baby Slut about how her mother also ignores her.
"But you're perfect."
"True. Which is why I realized that it's not about me."
Who responds like that. Love this bitch.
Mommy rips Blair a new butt-hole telling her that the Dean will be sure to get an ear full about how she's not Yale material. She's about to pull out the blackmail material but Baby Slut come out to defend her. Mommy then goes all Mommy Dearest and says, "No wonder I don't want to spend time with you." Blair is obviously emotionally effected and instead of going to normal Blair route, she simply tells Mommy that her daughter's great and leaves.
Dad tries to get Little J arrested but Lily refuses to press charges. I wish that man were part of the fashion police. Get it?! Get it?! Seriously though, lay off that fucking hat.
Chuck tries to get Nate to come live with him but stubborn little shit would rather rough it on the streets. Well, at least he has experience turning tricks, right?
The Dean calls to let B know that Baby Slut told him that if she could eat dinner with any person, living or dead, it would be B. F yes.
Little J decides to go homeless too. It's so trendy these days. And hey, she already has the wardrobe for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment