And then there were four. Ali had the harrowing decision on this week’s Bachelorette of picking who she would like to do hometown visits with. This is the part of these shows when peoples’ parents attempt to pretend like this is a legitimate route to finding love as opposed to a totally embarrassing farce that everyone will laugh about in ten years.
In order to make this choice, Ali takes the guys on one-on-one dates to feel out chemistry and such. Except for Frank and Ty, who have to awkwardly look at one another when they’re having what’s supposed to be a romantic dinner with Ali. Frank gets all cranky about not being able to spend time with Ali (as usual) and Ty is dopey and Southern. We find out that Frank lives with his parents (I don’t care what the story is, he just got a lot less cute) and Ty can’t really explain away the fact that he believes that women should be the man’s servant. According to him he doesn’t think that anymore, he just did during his last marriage. Whatever.
Roberto is “romantic” and “hot”. I get it. He’s very good looking, but what do you guys actually have in common? When the entire date is spent dancing in the street (really, who does that?!) and sucking face at the top of a castle (what a romantic spot, right here where the archers aimed their arrows at opposing soldiers’ faces) there’s not really much room for qualitative progress in the relationship.
Kirk kind of creeped my out this episode. He just seemed sort of desperate, constantly telling Ali how he felt about her, then following it with a “I hope you feel the same way” in a matter that made it seem like that really meant, “Do you feel the same way? Do you like me? Why do you like me? Do you like meeee????!!!” Then he talked about his mold sneezes some more and was generally a ginger and, ugh, he just seems like a class-A frat douche.
You know who impressed me this week? Dead mom guy. Not one mention of his dead mom! He seems to actually like Ali and have a good heart and all of that. It’s like he’s be a landscaper or high school football coach or something else equally harmless and wholesomely effusive. I like him.
The rose ceremony comes and Ali eliminates Ty because she’s a career woman and he’s a sexist cowboy. Ty thinks that she made a mistake and that she’ll come to realize that. Probably not. G’bye, Ty!
Ed. Note: This episode was totally cut short by the fact that ABC aired the Jake and Vienna interview. And, boy, was that a shit show. I can’t really get into the details since that would take all day but suffice to say that Jake came off like a frightening, smug dickhead—like that creeper with the mustache in Sleeping with the Enemy. Vienna is annoying and vapid but this dude is frightening. Best line of the night goes to Chris Harrison: “We don’t care about the dog.”
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