Real World, Episode Seis

*Spoiler Alert!*

Joey went home on the Real World. And it was just for plain old irresponsibility, not for terrorizing the poor cutter/resident crazy/housemate with too many vowels. Yes, Joey went out really late with a crappy band whose record company had some major ins with MTV and slept right through his alarm, and work. Since this was his second offense, he got fired from his job. Then he had to go home. Boo hoo.

But before all of that happened he got some more random spring-breaker ass so it couldn't have been all bad. Derek also got some. And Bronne too. Yeah, awkward-trying-too-hard Bronne nailed a Playboy model. The chick wasn't a centerfold, and her Girls of the Big 10 spread may have been her freshman year, but a Playboy Model nonetheless. But poor Jasmine. She's been trying so hard to get with Canada's Finest DJ Pat but she's been getting nowhere. She applied her finest acryllics, followed him around like a puppy and even tried to rape him in his bedroom. But alas, he shoved her off of him and left her to be the only one who didn't get any. Jasmine responded with all of the maturity and grace of the average Real World castmember and threw a vase on the ground.

Look, I feel for Jasmine. It's obvious she's got some emotional issues. When I was in six grade I got chosen to be D.A.R.E. student of the week with the boy I had the biggest crush on and someone said in front of the whole class, "Doesn't she like him?" And the boy I liked turned bright red and let his head hang low and suddenly every insecurity I'd ever had came boiling to the surface. I reacted kinda like Jasmine. I was 12.

What to do with an emotionally unstable, insecure girl you ask? Why, betray her friendship and flirt with her crush. Pat comes to the house to get a haircut from Joanna and Jasmine has no idea. It's like being at a bar with your boyfriend and laughing with a table of his friends, including pretty, funny Gemma. And then all of a sudden Paul, who you never really liked anyway says, "We're all glad you took him off of Gemma's hands, those two were like a pair of rabbits." And in that moment you'd felt so empty and alone and utterly, utterly betrayed. Pretty Gemma and douchebag Paul. I NEVER KNEW!

Canadian DJ Pat comes over...looks like he wants to run away from Jasmine...and goes to get a haircut with Joanna. At this point Joanna leans over and whispers into his ear, "I wasn't really going to cut your hair, I just wanted to get you away from Jasmine. It inspired me to write a poem about Joanna:

Joanna
Joanna, you are a ho
I hope someone rips out your weave
And you get herpies

Gurl, that was not cool.