Sam is in danger. He's been tricked by the evil woman and terrible waitress Daphne into attending one of Mary Ann's orgies. This time it's out in the middle of a clearing. Now, I don't know that much about the insect situation going on in Louisiana but I sure as heck wouldn't be rolling around in the grass all naked, riding my co-worker like there's no tomorrow. If for no other reason than the bugs. Mary Ann's getting all bull ready and pulling out a giant knife ready to sacrifice Sam and there's nothing that I can do about it! I'm not sure what my affection towards Sam is but I'm fairly certain it has something to do with his default shape shift into a dog and the fact that this might make him the ideal boyfriend. He even begs Tara for help but she's all black-eyed and trance-like having smoked a little too much weed and wandered into the meadow orgy.
Luckily Andy's there, screaming "Piiiiiiig!" like there's no tomorrow. He stumbles upon the orgy too and even though there are naked people everywhere he's dead set on finding the pig. Something tells me somebody really likes bacon. Or pork. Or sausage. Not really sure whether or not to make a cop or gay joke here so I'll just make a Beggin Strips one. "Baaaaaacon, bacon, bacon, bacon." He shoots his gun, Sam runs, Mary Ann follows and some sort of half-trance ensues. I can only assume that this is the transitional state which hones the trance victims back to their beginning spot. At any rate, they still like to break arms while in-betweensies and Terry lays some whoop ass on Andy and it's so sad to see him weeping on the ground.
Mary Ann chases after Sam with her bull head (which is fake) and her claws (which are real?) but Sam turns into Hedwig and flies away to deliver Harry a letter at Privett Drive. Later Tara and Eggs can't recall where they've been and account for the missing night by telling themselves that they smoked too much. Idiots. Tara seems to have half a brain in her head when she questions Eggs about his previous lack of memory when it comes to the bloody sacrificial camp ground but soon drops it. Later Arlene also says that she blacked out the previous night (and date raped Terry...hilarious) and Tara is almost on the right track. At this rate she'll figure it all out in episode 765 and I'll have lost interest. But hey, Mary Ann just brought home a rabbit draning blood and she's cookin' some stew so get ready folks!
Best scene: Andy coming to Merlottes and calling Tara a "zombie bitch". You win, Andy. You win.
Sookie is stuck in the evil church with the vampire lover who turns out to be the mole. I don't really buy that she didn't read his mind in the first place or that he fooled a room of old ass vamps but I don's really care about Sookie. Bill does but he can't get away because his maker won't let him go. We're granted some more 1930's flashbacks where the maker's underwig hair is distractingly hanging out and I stop caring because Bill sucks. Sookie telepaths to Barry that she needs him to contact Bill but Eric hears and is all over saving Sookie. And poor, poor Barry. Something tells me that he's going to meet an untimely end. Probably at Bill's hand (or teeth) and Sookie and Bill will argue and then make up and we will see Anna Paquin's boobies once again. I don't really mind because seeing her boobies means not seeing her act and A is definitely better than B.
So just as creepy Drill Sargeant for Jesus is about to rape Sookie (in the name of the Lord) Eric and Godric save her. The internet is a flutter with how great Godric looks but I much preferred him in flashback. We'll see. Jason escapes the clutches of DSfJ after big dude talks crap about Sookie but gets hit by a paintball gun by preacher's wife. And he thought it was all handjobs and forgiveness. No, Jason Stackhouse. The Church is about reckoning too.
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