Without further introduction, here is the cast...through my eyes:
Derek
According to his bio, Derek is the resident nice guy of the group. Read: boring. This isn't all too shocking given the fact that Derek is also gay. See, MTV will only allow gay cast members if they fit into three categories: 1) angry and violent 2)bitchy and dramatic 3)boring as all hell. In the first episode, Derek can be seen reading a book and staying far away from drama. How upsetting for MTV producers who chose Cancun as a location based solely on its potential for debauchery. Don't worry guys, it looks like at some point the roommates find Derek blacked out of a sidewalk somewhere. If you feed it enough booze it will do something stupid and bring you ratings. That's how that saying goes, right?Jonna
It's girl with weird name! Ahhh, how Real World Casting peeps love weird names. Look at this girl. I mean, she's not totally fug but, is she the hottie of the house???? The boys seem to think so. Must be all of the slutty clothes, pounds of makeup and tattoos and piercings. It's like, boys are so stupid you can follow a formula to get them to want to sleep with you. Not have a relationship with you, but sleep with you plenty. I'm sure that won't be happening though because she has a boyfriend at home who she's totally committed to. I mean, she got a diamond implanted into her finger to serve as a promise piercing! That is both badass and means forever. Err-- maybe just until the second episode.Joey
Joey claims that he wants to be playing stadiums where thousands of twelve-year-old girls are screaming his name and wearing his t-shirt. That's not quite as creepy as the manner in which he calculatingly documents the one night stand he has just enjoyed on his second night in the house. Joey's a future rock star. You know so because he's got tattoos and he's an asshole. Also, he probably has a drinking problem with just goes to show how responsible that casting office is. I'm sure it won't be a problem in Cancun, Mexico.Jasmine
Jasmine is the kind of girl I want to like. She's also the kind of girl who walks into a room saying that she may be five feet tall and 95 pounds but not to mess with her. She seems nice and fun enough but with MTV's proclivity toward vilifying black women on this show and the fact that the house is chock full of bitches, I'm sure there's about to be a girlfight.CJ
Oh, CJ. Did the casting directors find you in the NFL scouting report or picking up chicks at the local Phi Delt? In CJ's intro video he claims that coming out of college he was the fourth best punter in the nation, which is kind of like saying you're Beyonce's fourth favorite back-up dancer. Nobody cares. You're not a real football player. CJ had a girlfriend coming into the house but that soon ended after he cuddled with another girl. What was he supposed to do??? Sleep on one of the giant couches or plethora of unused beds in the house??? After dumping the girl back home on her ass, he asserts his new found freedom in the way that any masculine football player would. By getting his hair done. And asking everyone if it looks good.Emilee
Note to parents: If you spell your daughter's name with an 'I' or 'E' where there ought to be a 'Y', you will raise an obnoxious twit with debilitatingly low self esteem. She may or may not work at Hooters. The first thing that comes out of Emilee's mouth is that she thinks she is Facebook friends with CJ. The second is that she doesn't go to school, she just works at Hooters. The hits just keep on coming from there as she becomes flustered with Joey about making fun of her because she works at Hooters (he never did that) and becomes flustered at CJ because she feels guilty about their impeding romance (it isn't going to happen). It seems that the pressure of not being the hot girl in the house (BUT I WORK AT HOOTERS!!!) is making Emilee a little delusional. Ah, the stuff that TV dreams are made of.Bronne
Bronne, like the paper towel. He's supposed to be funny. Like Issac except that, um, he isn't really funny. He's loud and he certainly gesticulates wildly but if volume equals funny then some people ought to think Dane Cook is funny. Oh...they do?...my bad. I like Bronne actually. Why? Because after CJ spoons another girl all night long pissing his girlfriend off, Bronne calmly explains that it's normal for the girlfriend to have been pissed. Also, he totally made out with that chick's mom. That was not hot.Ayiiia
There are a lot of vowels in this girl's name. And that's not even if you count the 'Y'. I guess she won a contest to be on the show. Thousands of people voted to have her be on the show and why not? Her bio claims that she is a former drug addict and cutter. That can only mean good things when she has to live with seven unbalanced people and a constant supply of booze. She seems cool I guess. Apparently there's going to be a fight next episode involving her. I bet the production staff never saw this coming.
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