90210MG

Well, the music, clothing and storylines are getting slightly better, even if the acting is still terrible and overwrought. But hey, it was back in the day too so, whatevs.

In this episode:

**Dixon continues to be the cutest little button on television, not to mention the cast member I think most likely to have a career with ever-elusive longevity.





**Navid is a sweetheart. Period. It's nice to see a multi-faceted character on the show.





**The older set are far more interesting than the younger set. By far best exchange of the night:

Mama Wilson---"If you ever kiss my husband again there will be serious trouble with me"

Ugly-Plastic-Former-Baby-Mama---"Oh, I don't know how I'd get through the day knowing you were upset with me."

Mama Wilson---"Let me be clear about what I mean by serious trouble. I will punch you in the face so hard I knock your teeth out."

Zing!!!

Next week on 90210:

Annie pulls a Darcy and plays a terrible fake wasted. Yes!







P.S. Honorable Mention goes to, as always...

Lucille Bluth! I love this woman!

The Last Time I Will Mention.

This.

I will not begrudge you if you watch it but, c'mon. We need help.

Gossip Girl Recap

Helen here, with your one and only stop for what goes down in the scandalous lives of the fictional Upper East Side.



Derota catches Blair thinking a little too personally about Chuck. I think that the Derota/Blair relationship is one of the most interesting ones on the show. Love.



Nate is hanging out with his shirt off in someone else's house. He likes Jenny's new hair. I do not.



Blair attempts to seduce Nate after some advice by Dan. It doesn't work and Nate leaves her with the blissful parting lines, "You've wasted my time and ruined my pants".



Serena, in accordance with being the stupidest person on the show, has a crush on this douche. Perhaps you can go scarf shopping together and die a slow death in Williamsburg sipping on Pomegranate Black Tea whilst discussing the latest Radiohead album.



Blair almost succeeds with Chuck but the game catches up to them. This is, probably, even more than Jim and Pam, my favorite couple on television. LOVE.



Jenny befriends The O.C.'s Willa Holland who, apparently, in playing Cory Kennedy. She is generally ambivalent toward her work and begins to develop and attitude toward Eleanor Waldorff. Who do you think you are Little J? It takes years of kissing ass to move up in the fashion world, haven't we seen The Devil Wears Prada? I hate this episode's delving into hipsterdom. Damnit, I hate hipsters.



Chuck thinks that Blair is going to tell him that she loves him. Look how adorably happy he looks?!?!?!?!



Blair can't say it, given that Dan is an asshole who thinks that Chuck and Blair are incapable of really loving and told her to effectually, self-destruct. Have I mentioned that I hate Dan?



Dan stops Chuck, after a distraught Blair tells him and Serena what has happened, and tells him that she does in fact love him but that he messed everything up. Easy to believe, being the failure that he is. Chuck, obviously, wants to kill a bitch.



Jenny dances around half naked while creepy would be Cobrasnake guy takes pictures. Nate shows up and is none too pleased. On a side note, someone feed these children please.



Nate shows us that he's a man of many hobbies. He not only has sex with 40-year-old women for money, but he digs 15-year-olds with raccoon eyes. Dan's not going to like this.



Blair and Chuck tearily realize that,as they so tastily put it, Chuck and Blair cannot ever be Chuck and Blair, going to the movies and holding hands. Blair tells him that they could do the things that they like to do. I'm assuming that means being witty, ridiculously attractive and bringing about the demise of various annoying secondary characters. Oh, and doing it in the back of limos. But Chuck makes a good point. They thrive off of the game, and they're both terrible at commitment, caring and generally just treating people the way they want to. The pressure of a title, at least for right now, might just be too much. And Chuck and Blair deserve no less than a certain happily-ever-after. So suck it Dan Humphrey and your self-righteous jibber jabber. This is what love is.

***This post PURPOSEFULLY devoid of pictures of Dan Humphrey as to protect the eyes of the innocent***

Staring at the blank face before me...

I know, you can see the storm brewing behind her eyes, so let me just summarize for you.

Inner Monologue: There's no way I'll ever be able to resist Justin Bobby. That goatee. Those boots at the beach. His pseudo modeling career that allows him to have that look on his face all the time like he's stoned and wondering where he can buy a bag of chips.

Devil's Advocate: But, he's such an asshole. He won't be exclusive and he probably encouraged me to get this terrible boob job.

IM: Oh god, he's outside with his motorcycle. I should probably leave my job and go chat with him.

DA: He just told me that he's pretty much always be there for me. Is this like that time that he asked if he had a "hall pass"?

IM: Well, I think I might just move in with him. He smells so musty. I feel a heart to heart with Lauren coming on.



So what's it gonna be people, are we watching The City or what?

Ding, dong....

FINALLY!



Both of the annoying twins are finally gone. I feel like I did when the vacuous hole that was Nikki and Paulo on Lost finally bit the dust. A little less satisfied since she wasn't buried alive, but satisfied still.

So has Heroes really jumped the shark? Some high profile entertainment writers have asserted, yes, but I really think that this episode is evidence of things to come. The writers' strike combined with typical 2nd season woes made the transition from critical and viewer darling to torpedoing vestibule of narrative incongruity an easy one. But this season's changes seem to be paying off.

1. Less characters--- One of the main problems of the 2nd season of the inability on the editors' parts to edit. It's as if a bunch of comic book nerds got together, thought of all of the cool powers that people might have and threw them all into the same season. Yeah, those were cool but in adding too many characters we lost the in-depth examination of who these people were as humans, not heroes that made the show so great.

2. Family Matters--- At the heart of this show has always been the Petrelli family woes. This season's family issues have gotten even bigger and better, especially with the edition of Papa Petrelli and everyone's favorite black sheep bro-Sylar. More Sylar Daddy issues, please. They're the best part of the show.

3. Parkman--- Some people hate him. Some people love him. No matter how you feel about his power(admittedly it was pretty lame until he found out he could alter perception of reality like his father), you have to admit that Matt Parkman's home issues added perhaps the most tangibly relatable element of the first season. Parkman just wanted to be a cop and make his wife happy. And when his powers first gave him those opportunities, then snatched them away, we as viewers felt his anguish. Now, with the addition of Daphne, we see another chance at a happily ever after for our (sometimes) hapless hero.

So do I agree? No. Although, I do have a few issues.

1. Mohinder---Annoying. Pointless. Inhuman. Everytime he comes on screen I just need him to be gone. Here's hoping that Peter's right and the future can be changed cause if those fast forwards are any indication, Mohinder's here for the long haul. And in the future we don't even get anything pretty to stare at.

2. Nathan/Nikki/Jessica/Twin#63---Do I care about their impending romance? Do I think that her lame power is better than her dead twin's lame power? Do the political aspirations of the two compare in any way to kicking ass and taking names? No, no and no. The most interesting part of this duo is the fact that Mr. Square Jaw (A.K.A. Guy Smiley) is married to Natalie Maines, lead singer of the Dixie Chicks. Weird.

3. Daphne--- She's growing on me, mostly because she promises happiness for Matt, but her jerky arm and head movements are increasingly annoying and her slow building back story is waaaaaay too slow. What is Pinehurst holding over her head? If they wait much longer to tell me, I'm going to stop caring. Also, fix your hair already. Please.

Reality Rundown

Ryan got eliminated on The Pick-up Artist. Bullshit.

Oh, Matador. You are the best part of this show. Please, please wear more mesh long sleeved shirts. And boots. And boas. Wow.

Reality Rundown

Rock of Love: Charm School

The girls split into three teams each competing in a fashion show demonstrating how much they've learned about event appropriate apparel. Betrayal, screaming and cleavage ensue.

* Who knew Brandi C. could look so pretty. Maybe it's the lip injections finally going down to a believable size. The pink fading. Most definitely the improved clothing choice. Bitch looked, dare I say, bella.

* "Heather is an old stripper. She can look old, or she can look like a stripper. She can never look better than that." Sorry to say it Heather, but however much I want Megan to go home she was right. Even dressed up in decent clothes you look nasty.

* Destiny is the most well-spoken of all of these girls. Give her the money already.

*Why is Rodeo's old ass still on these shows?! Go take care of your kids lady!

*I want Sharon Osbourne to call me Misses. It's adorable.

Tune in next week when, hopefully, Megan's sneaky ass gets kicked off. And oh yeah, betrayal, screaming and cleavage ensue.

Take Me Down to the Flashback City...

This season's narrative tool of moving 5 years into the future sure has served its purpose. Where most soap operas encounter storyline problems symptomatic of the heightened reality that Desperate Housewives fits so neatly into, Marc Cherry has aptly used the zoom forward as a way to avoid the pitfalls of boring storylines, repeated storylines, or eventually (as evidenced by Marlena's demonic possession on Days of Our Lives, murder-suicides on the O.C. or anything on Passions), the storylines so absolutely ridiculous even the loyal fan-base can no longer stomach the absolute lack of believability.

Notably missing this season, however, are the details of what happened in between. Last night we got some answers and they were compelling. As always, Gaby and Carlos' marriage issues or Katherine and Bree's tenuous work relationship were examined with the sassy yet tactful attention to character and plot development I've come to expect, and I did end the program satisfied with some answers. But it's this satisfaction that interested me so much.

I've discovered that Cherry's adventurous narrative tool did more than simply open plenty of creative doors. It also allowed for a formulaic revisiting of the elements that made the first season of Desperate Housewives so successful. It wasn't just the sassy dialogue, the sex lies and intrigue, the fact that we all knew an Edie, Susan or Lynette, it wasn't even the slowly unfurled mystery that made the show so good. Or rather, it was all of these things added together...but the real meat of the mix was the mystery of the characters themselves. Finding out how Susan's marriage had ended or why Bree's had become so disintegrated. After last season of the show perhaps the viewer had, as in any long-term relationship, become so accustomed to these people and their stories that nothing felt new. What's the point? No matter how many tornadoes come sweeping through town the women had become as predictable as a Bree Van de Camp Sunday pie. And then suddenly, as though our wives had taken up a pole dancing cardio class at the local gym, a breath of fresh air came sneaking into my living room every Sunday night. Who are these women? I'm not so sure I know anymore, but you can be sure that I'll be tuning in every week to find out.

"Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms."



It's an absolute travesty that I do not have more time in my life for my squawk box.