Prepare yourselves for these too, as we know they're all coming:
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
The Hills
In this week's episode we see Audrina go freaking crazy. That's all really.
Audrina has heard from some guy named Dino (this should have been clue number one that the info wasn't legit) that Justin and Lauren hooked up. She's crying. To everyone. And apparently texting everyone, like EVERYONE, about it.
Lauren's hurt and pissed that she would believe that at all in the first place and she tells Lo that Audrina is acting crazy. What MTV doesn't show is that that week this rumor was all over the internet too, including on PerezHilton.com where Audrina actually talked to him about it. So, looks like LC had a reason to be mad.
Holly goes to Heidi and Spencer's apartment to look for Heidi and Spencer treats her worse than I think I've ever treated anyone, except it's just like an everyday thing.
So she goes to find Heidi at work. "Don't you have an office?" "I don't want to talk about it." Lulz. They sort of has things out, and Heidi finds out that Holly came to visit. When she asks Spencer if she's been there he lies and says no. Heidi does nothing.
Audrina goes to talk to Justin about the rumors. He thinks Audrina's being as ridiculous as Lauren does. He actually sounds well-spoken and mature and lucid. It's all very weird and Audrina realizes that she probably did something shitty to Lauren.
So, of course, she goes to talk to her about it AT A BAR. Perfect. She asks her for the 11 millionth time if it's true. Lauren gets pissed and tells her that she's worse than Heidi ever was. It's obvious that she just said this to hurt Audrina and that Audrina is experiencing the paranoid delusions that only a girl who's been cheated on a million times can (we learn from Stephanie in this episode that Justin has hooked up with Audrina's friends in the past). It's uncomfortable for me to watch and I realize that it's because these are real moments. These people, however set up have real relationships. Being paranoid Audrina tells Lauren that she's seen her and Justin flirt before. Lauren has the best response ever:
"Flirt?!" I would rather kill myself than hook up with Justin. He disgusts me. Justin is disgusting!"
Truer words were never spoken.
I want to see next week. Also, I want less real emotion. I don't watch this reality show to see reality.
Audrina has heard from some guy named Dino (this should have been clue number one that the info wasn't legit) that Justin and Lauren hooked up. She's crying. To everyone. And apparently texting everyone, like EVERYONE, about it.
Lauren's hurt and pissed that she would believe that at all in the first place and she tells Lo that Audrina is acting crazy. What MTV doesn't show is that that week this rumor was all over the internet too, including on PerezHilton.com where Audrina actually talked to him about it. So, looks like LC had a reason to be mad.
Holly goes to Heidi and Spencer's apartment to look for Heidi and Spencer treats her worse than I think I've ever treated anyone, except it's just like an everyday thing.
So she goes to find Heidi at work. "Don't you have an office?" "I don't want to talk about it." Lulz. They sort of has things out, and Heidi finds out that Holly came to visit. When she asks Spencer if she's been there he lies and says no. Heidi does nothing.
Audrina goes to talk to Justin about the rumors. He thinks Audrina's being as ridiculous as Lauren does. He actually sounds well-spoken and mature and lucid. It's all very weird and Audrina realizes that she probably did something shitty to Lauren.
So, of course, she goes to talk to her about it AT A BAR. Perfect. She asks her for the 11 millionth time if it's true. Lauren gets pissed and tells her that she's worse than Heidi ever was. It's obvious that she just said this to hurt Audrina and that Audrina is experiencing the paranoid delusions that only a girl who's been cheated on a million times can (we learn from Stephanie in this episode that Justin has hooked up with Audrina's friends in the past). It's uncomfortable for me to watch and I realize that it's because these are real moments. These people, however set up have real relationships. Being paranoid Audrina tells Lauren that she's seen her and Justin flirt before. Lauren has the best response ever:
"Flirt?!" I would rather kill myself than hook up with Justin. He disgusts me. Justin is disgusting!"
Truer words were never spoken.
I want to see next week. Also, I want less real emotion. I don't watch this reality show to see reality.
90210 Recap
In last week's episode of 90210 we get to see more Annie/Naomi bitchery, remember why Dixon and Grandma are the best parts of this show, and thank god that SoapNet re-runs the original show.
Still reeling from their half-brother's arrival now sworn enemies,(I liked it better when they were frememies---Anna Lynne McCord's smoldering look is pretty lolworthy), Naomi and Annie begin to make their way in a post-sweet sixteen showdown-world. Who will Naomi sit with at lunch? Is Hollywood invading Annie's saccharine veins? Do you think I could get a job manning the Kraft Services table on this set?
While Silver blogs about where Naomi will sit to "eat" (lunch-room politics were already adeptly examined in Clueless and unless we're going to top it CW, let's not do a cheap knock-off), she chooses a risky table of upperclassmen. Hilariously, they only drink coffee for meals. Best part of the whole show. At least someone's being honest with themselves. They have a Heathers-esque recruitment process that involves a lot more restaurant reservations and Sidekick programming than it does murder but I don't know if even that would make these girls interesting.
Ethan, and eventually Annie are worried that her hatred for Naomi, and its root---the evil Hollywood machine---, are turning Annie away from the Kansas girl that we know and love. The thing is that Annie is so fucking boring I could fall asleep when she's being sweet and demure. However, when she's forced to act out any kind of emotion I remember her Degrassi roots. Not in the good Paige is a stripper way but in a a terrible Rick is hitting Terri way. If you didn't understand that: Shenae Grimes is seriously limited as an actress. After what can only be described as verbal showdown (bereft of wit or sassy delivery), Annie realizes the err of her ways and dresses up as the school mascot for the big lacrosse game.
Dixon goes all warpath at the game because his dad invited his new son to watch. And move in. And just generally be white with him. I can't look at him on screen without remembering that Ashlee Simpson wrote most of her debut album about their breakup. I'm also on Dixon's side because unlike Naomi's pursed lips or Annie's squinty eyes,Dixon's face is able to purvey real emotion subtly. After his blow-up he has a talk with his dad about feeling left-out as the adopted child. And feeling totes black in Hollywood. It was touching.
Naomi used her connections with token Latino guy to get into his Dad's fancy restaurant so he makes her promise him a kiss. After a surprisingly spark-free pucker, he explains that she has to kiss the mascot. OH, SNAP! It's Annie...you just got played!
The most interesting part of the episode? Adrianna puking up her guts every two seconds. Preggers much? I wonder what Navid's family will think. Or him, seeing as he's virginal and all.
Ryan's still dating jailbait. Kelly's sad. Brenda admits that she slept with Ryan. Boy gets around!
Next Week: We find out what new brother's intentions are. Drama, drama, drama. The girls eat. Well, probably not that lastone.
Still reeling from their half-brother's arrival now sworn enemies,(I liked it better when they were frememies---Anna Lynne McCord's smoldering look is pretty lolworthy), Naomi and Annie begin to make their way in a post-sweet sixteen showdown-world. Who will Naomi sit with at lunch? Is Hollywood invading Annie's saccharine veins? Do you think I could get a job manning the Kraft Services table on this set?
While Silver blogs about where Naomi will sit to "eat" (lunch-room politics were already adeptly examined in Clueless and unless we're going to top it CW, let's not do a cheap knock-off), she chooses a risky table of upperclassmen. Hilariously, they only drink coffee for meals. Best part of the whole show. At least someone's being honest with themselves. They have a Heathers-esque recruitment process that involves a lot more restaurant reservations and Sidekick programming than it does murder but I don't know if even that would make these girls interesting.
Ethan, and eventually Annie are worried that her hatred for Naomi, and its root---the evil Hollywood machine---, are turning Annie away from the Kansas girl that we know and love. The thing is that Annie is so fucking boring I could fall asleep when she's being sweet and demure. However, when she's forced to act out any kind of emotion I remember her Degrassi roots. Not in the good Paige is a stripper way but in a a terrible Rick is hitting Terri way. If you didn't understand that: Shenae Grimes is seriously limited as an actress. After what can only be described as verbal showdown (bereft of wit or sassy delivery), Annie realizes the err of her ways and dresses up as the school mascot for the big lacrosse game.
Dixon goes all warpath at the game because his dad invited his new son to watch. And move in. And just generally be white with him. I can't look at him on screen without remembering that Ashlee Simpson wrote most of her debut album about their breakup. I'm also on Dixon's side because unlike Naomi's pursed lips or Annie's squinty eyes,Dixon's face is able to purvey real emotion subtly. After his blow-up he has a talk with his dad about feeling left-out as the adopted child. And feeling totes black in Hollywood. It was touching.
Naomi used her connections with token Latino guy to get into his Dad's fancy restaurant so he makes her promise him a kiss. After a surprisingly spark-free pucker, he explains that she has to kiss the mascot. OH, SNAP! It's Annie...you just got played!
The most interesting part of the episode? Adrianna puking up her guts every two seconds. Preggers much? I wonder what Navid's family will think. Or him, seeing as he's virginal and all.
Ryan's still dating jailbait. Kelly's sad. Brenda admits that she slept with Ryan. Boy gets around!
Next Week: We find out what new brother's intentions are. Drama, drama, drama. The girls eat. Well, probably not that lastone.
Smile wit cho eyes!
Well, the big winner of ANTM Cycle 764 was this thing:
I guess the ascension of top model winners such as Naima and Nicole (who I once met in a Forever 21 in Minnesota...well, I freaked out while she walked by) wasn't enough for Tyra so she decided to go a different route. She picked a dude. To each their own I suppose.
Um, I really stopped caring about this show a while ago. They're all going to be big fails anyway, we may as well have an adorable personality. And I thought that Analeigh was a pretty decent model, especially if you're going to whore yourselves out to CoverGirl. She's COMMERCIAL. And her commercials were bomb. So, she got nervous and forgot some lines in the last commercial challenge. Here's an idea: don't do the commercials in DUTCH. Sigh, I need some pretty in this post.
I guess the ascension of top model winners such as Naima and Nicole (who I once met in a Forever 21 in Minnesota...well, I freaked out while she walked by) wasn't enough for Tyra so she decided to go a different route. She picked a dude. To each their own I suppose.
Um, I really stopped caring about this show a while ago. They're all going to be big fails anyway, we may as well have an adorable personality. And I thought that Analeigh was a pretty decent model, especially if you're going to whore yourselves out to CoverGirl. She's COMMERCIAL. And her commercials were bomb. So, she got nervous and forgot some lines in the last commercial challenge. Here's an idea: don't do the commercials in DUTCH. Sigh, I need some pretty in this post.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Seperated At Birth????
Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta and Milf from Real Chance of Love. Double the pretty.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Biggest Loser
I don't know that I've talked about The Biggest Loser on here yet but I've been hooked for years. The show, which follows overweight contestants from across the United States as they compete to both lose the pounds and win a large stack of cash is one of my favorites. Complete with glaring product placements (the Jello Grandprize!, if you need a quick snack try a 5 calorie stick of Wrigley's gum, etc.), insane coaches (the man-like drill sergeant Jillian and the effeminate emotionally accessible fat woman's best friend Bob), insane challenges and plenty of drama, The Biggest Loser manages to do what the best reality television ought to.
It enlightens the viewing audience and its participants about the nature of humanity. These peoples' stories are so like our own. Heart disease, diabetes, cancer---real life problems every single person who plugs in a television this year will be personally affected by. These are the kinds of things that television was made to escape, the problems that a half-hour sitcom can never erase but that a laugh-track will, for a period of time at least, drown out.
This is where reality television can get tricky. Since so much of the purpose of television, of all entertainment, is to provide a form of escape the premise of real life can never provide the necessary escape. Or can it? I'm sure Fox executives would tell you no. Rather than hold up a mirror to the American public they'd have 50 midgets pulling an airplane or set up married couples to cheat on one another or make women fall in love with a construction worker under the illusion that he is a millionaire. I do not begrudge them this opinion. Certainly, by the presence of the amount of subsidiary VH1 crap I have on my DVR, I think that there is a place for this type of thinking. I do not believe, however, that it is impossible to successfully include a small amount of reality in reality television. In fact, it is the height of the medium.
The Biggest Loser paints pictures of real people. Married couples and parents and children this season. It shows obesity for what it really is. A family problem. A community problem. A disease. And its victims are not lazy. They have jobs and children. They have dreams like we all do; and more likely than not, however much we'd rather not admit it...they look exactly like we do. So as the audience watches the sweat and tears that go into shedding the pounds on the ranch, a new sort of escapism emerges. Instead of escaping to Paris Hilton's LA mansion or an island in the Pacific, we escape to an obtainable, preferable and healthy future. The health tips are anything but seamless, the recipes obviously present as a vehicle for product promotion and the weigh-ins overly dramatic but at the end of the day being healthy seems a little more tangible.
It enlightens the viewing audience and its participants about the nature of humanity. These peoples' stories are so like our own. Heart disease, diabetes, cancer---real life problems every single person who plugs in a television this year will be personally affected by. These are the kinds of things that television was made to escape, the problems that a half-hour sitcom can never erase but that a laugh-track will, for a period of time at least, drown out.
This is where reality television can get tricky. Since so much of the purpose of television, of all entertainment, is to provide a form of escape the premise of real life can never provide the necessary escape. Or can it? I'm sure Fox executives would tell you no. Rather than hold up a mirror to the American public they'd have 50 midgets pulling an airplane or set up married couples to cheat on one another or make women fall in love with a construction worker under the illusion that he is a millionaire. I do not begrudge them this opinion. Certainly, by the presence of the amount of subsidiary VH1 crap I have on my DVR, I think that there is a place for this type of thinking. I do not believe, however, that it is impossible to successfully include a small amount of reality in reality television. In fact, it is the height of the medium.
The Biggest Loser paints pictures of real people. Married couples and parents and children this season. It shows obesity for what it really is. A family problem. A community problem. A disease. And its victims are not lazy. They have jobs and children. They have dreams like we all do; and more likely than not, however much we'd rather not admit it...they look exactly like we do. So as the audience watches the sweat and tears that go into shedding the pounds on the ranch, a new sort of escapism emerges. Instead of escaping to Paris Hilton's LA mansion or an island in the Pacific, we escape to an obtainable, preferable and healthy future. The health tips are anything but seamless, the recipes obviously present as a vehicle for product promotion and the weigh-ins overly dramatic but at the end of the day being healthy seems a little more tangible.
Entertainment Weekly Names Tristan Wilds Breakout Star-2008
Congrats BB!
Wilds, who projects an easy warmth as Dixon on The CW's reboot of 90210, had an important decision to make before filming began: whether to follow in the follicular footsteps of previously sideburned alums Luke Perry and Jason Priestley. ''I'm like, 'Hmm. Should I go with the ham hocks or not?''' the 19-year-old says with a laugh. But the former Wire actor is far more interested in mirroring the career of Will Smith, one of the producers of this year's The Secret Life of Bees, in which Wilds costarred. He's got the TV zip code right. After all, Smith's big break came after he moved west and became the prince of a town called Bel-Air.
The Hills
I've got two weeks worth of catch-up to do so hold on to your hair weaves.
In last week's episode, Whitney was sent back to New York to help with fashion week. While there she chats up the model who she met last time. I guess they've been texting ever since but the reunion looks a little cold given all of the cross continental communication. Perhaps she thought the same thing that I did when I saw him onscreen for the first time: wasn't this guy cute last time. Whitney actually sums it up quite nicely: "You look like you have a really bad spray tan".
Despite her obvious lack of interest and borderline annoyance, she agrees to meet him for drinks. While there she creeps out on the lead singer of the band playing at the club and totally ignores her former crush. She then proceeds to quite obviously flirt up a storm with new rocker dude whilst ignoring no longer cute model dude. Bitch-ay. Model guy's friend puts it best: "Your girl just beat you with that Australian kid".
As a side note, so many of these "first encounters" are pre-miced. I know that this show is tots fake but it's kinda cool having a boyfriend in the production side of the industry to point all of this stuff out. And yes, he did watch all of my shows with me. :)
Meanwhile, back in LA Heidi is distraught over having lost her job. She's, of course, mourning by dressing like she's headed to an LA slut-club and is generously applying lipgloss to her inhumanly plumped lips. Really regretting that last injection of Restalyn now aren't we?
Spenser wants to celebrate her "night off" by going and getting drunk. Will the hilarity never end? So, they do go out. Of course Brent is there (pre-miced of course) and Spenser tried to valiantly win Heidi her job work. Doesn't so much work as it does piss Brent off. Heidi much play clean-up, as always and Brent tells her to go in and talk to Sam.
This week's episode:
Heidi's still mad at Spencer for getting her fired. He suggests going to the movies. She suggests fucking off. He responds that she needs to take responsibility for what happens which I, for once, agree with.
Lauren goes out for drinks with Audrina where they talk about Heidi's sister staying with Lauren after the epic kick-out (this can only end well) and Justin Bobby being a changed man. Back at Audrina's house her Fugly Sister makes another appearance. Usually when a pretty girl is around an ugly girl it makes her look better but in this case it exacerbates all of her ugly traits and we realize that Audrina is, in fact, pretty ugly too. They talk about, what else, Justin Bobby and the set-up for next week's big fight is in place.
Heidi gets her job back...snooooooozzzzzzzze.
Lauren tells Stephanie that Holly is staying with her so after warning Lauren how much drama this could create, Stephanie immediately creates the drama by telling Heidi and Spencer about the new living arrangements. After we see the new roomies, Holly, Lo and Lauren enjoying kitchen time(do these people have a living room?), we get to see that Heidi is hurt by not knowing what's going on in her sister's life and Spencer is an ass. He calls Heidi's mom "stalker mom", proves himself to be even more of an ass than we had previously thought and his behavior has zero repercussions.
In what could be the classiest move of the century while on a date Justin Bobby buys Audrina a shirt and tells her to make sure not to wear a bra with it. What a catch!
Next week on The Hills:
Audrina is hurt when she hears that Lauren and Justin Bobby hooked up. All I can say is, NOT TRUE.
In last week's episode, Whitney was sent back to New York to help with fashion week. While there she chats up the model who she met last time. I guess they've been texting ever since but the reunion looks a little cold given all of the cross continental communication. Perhaps she thought the same thing that I did when I saw him onscreen for the first time: wasn't this guy cute last time. Whitney actually sums it up quite nicely: "You look like you have a really bad spray tan".
Despite her obvious lack of interest and borderline annoyance, she agrees to meet him for drinks. While there she creeps out on the lead singer of the band playing at the club and totally ignores her former crush. She then proceeds to quite obviously flirt up a storm with new rocker dude whilst ignoring no longer cute model dude. Bitch-ay. Model guy's friend puts it best: "Your girl just beat you with that Australian kid".
As a side note, so many of these "first encounters" are pre-miced. I know that this show is tots fake but it's kinda cool having a boyfriend in the production side of the industry to point all of this stuff out. And yes, he did watch all of my shows with me. :)
Meanwhile, back in LA Heidi is distraught over having lost her job. She's, of course, mourning by dressing like she's headed to an LA slut-club and is generously applying lipgloss to her inhumanly plumped lips. Really regretting that last injection of Restalyn now aren't we?
Spenser wants to celebrate her "night off" by going and getting drunk. Will the hilarity never end? So, they do go out. Of course Brent is there (pre-miced of course) and Spenser tried to valiantly win Heidi her job work. Doesn't so much work as it does piss Brent off. Heidi much play clean-up, as always and Brent tells her to go in and talk to Sam.
This week's episode:
Heidi's still mad at Spencer for getting her fired. He suggests going to the movies. She suggests fucking off. He responds that she needs to take responsibility for what happens which I, for once, agree with.
Lauren goes out for drinks with Audrina where they talk about Heidi's sister staying with Lauren after the epic kick-out (this can only end well) and Justin Bobby being a changed man. Back at Audrina's house her Fugly Sister makes another appearance. Usually when a pretty girl is around an ugly girl it makes her look better but in this case it exacerbates all of her ugly traits and we realize that Audrina is, in fact, pretty ugly too. They talk about, what else, Justin Bobby and the set-up for next week's big fight is in place.
Heidi gets her job back...snooooooozzzzzzzze.
Lauren tells Stephanie that Holly is staying with her so after warning Lauren how much drama this could create, Stephanie immediately creates the drama by telling Heidi and Spencer about the new living arrangements. After we see the new roomies, Holly, Lo and Lauren enjoying kitchen time(do these people have a living room?), we get to see that Heidi is hurt by not knowing what's going on in her sister's life and Spencer is an ass. He calls Heidi's mom "stalker mom", proves himself to be even more of an ass than we had previously thought and his behavior has zero repercussions.
In what could be the classiest move of the century while on a date Justin Bobby buys Audrina a shirt and tells her to make sure not to wear a bra with it. What a catch!
Next week on The Hills:
Audrina is hurt when she hears that Lauren and Justin Bobby hooked up. All I can say is, NOT TRUE.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Long time no see guys! Sorry, I've been off Jim and Paming it up irl. I wish we had those awesome ear phone thingies. It would make my day so much more interesting...although I don't think that anyone wants to be around me while I watch that much television. Major updates are in store, so don't worry your pretty little heads about it!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Gossip Girl Recap
Helen here, with your one and only stop for what goes down in the scandalous lives of the fictional Upper East Side.
Serena is attempting to help Blair get a leg-up on her Yale admissions by getting in well with a major contributor. Trouble is, they're not so interested in chatting so...
Plan B is to babysit the couple's teenage daughter. Only problem is, she's a total slut who's intent on losing her virginity tonight. In that terrible, terrible dress. B's not so happy with S.
This douche is still in the picture. Apparently so are several other "lucky ladies".
Sorry, I stopped caring about this plotline half-way through that sentence. Maybe I never started. Whatever.
Little J has decided since leaving Eleanor Waldorff she's going to put on a "renegade fashion show". I really can't stand when television shows try to come up with cool ways to talk about hip underground things. At this point we don't really know what "renegade fashion show" means but it sounds like Latin American guerrillas might be changing the world through couture. In any event, Nate decides to help...things a boy won't do to get into a 15-year-old's pants. And hat. That fucking hat. Thing.
GAH. This shit. Scarf Douche sends S a licorice ring. I puke all over it and she still waxes poetic in her dude voice about how it's so "schweeeeet".
S and B convince that Baby Slut should come with them to Bart and Lily Bass' event that night. She agrees until Chuck informs her that it's totally lame sauce. She then tries to bag Chuck. He sees it as the perfect occasion to bag a 15-year-old.
Chuck tells Blair that he couldn't do the deal. Turns out the back of a limo is sacred. Awwwwwww. That's my BB boy!
So the wild goose chase begins. S, B and Chuck go to look for Baby Slut and they find her at an...ick...downtown bar. With a boy named Serge. Sick. But she slips through their hands before they can get to her. Fortunately, Chuck finds Mommy Dearest having cocktails with a much younger man. Hubby's nowhere to be found and her reasons for needing a babysitter are less than altruistic. Blackmail would be the eHarmony keyword match for Chuck and Blair.
Oh shiz, turns out that the event little J's new friends scouted out for her is Bart and Lily's huge event. Snap. I think Dan's regretting that decision to wait and tell his Dad right about now.
Good thing she has Nate to take care of her, right? Well, that's one way you can take care of her. Thanks GG for helping Dad, Dan and Vanessa (who might be particularly interested in who Nate's shoving tonguing this week) find out where she is.
While S heads out to her Mom's event, Blair and Chuck find Baby Slut. She's knee deep in pre-surge Serge and she's intent on staying until she gets the job done. See, she wants to beat her best friend to the sack. Thankfully, Chuck called in a favor to GG and she put an APB out that the BFF already tackled that task. Baby Slut has no choice but to leave.
OMG! Renegade fashion show! Apparently this means weirdo music, ugly clothes, models kicking over glasses and lots and lots of screaming whilst throwing polaroids. Also, a slide show. That's so edgy. Everyone loves it except for Dad.
Vanessa loved it until she saw this creeper moment. Feeling betrayed by both her ex-BF and her pseudo-sister, she runs away. Little J goes to find her. Dan rails Nate and tells him to move out. Oopsie. Homeless here he comes.
Chuck and Blair go to drop off Baby Slut. Blair thanks Chuck for his call-in to GG and he's all "Anything for you". And he's such a good actor that it sounds real and I just want to die from how cute they are and I actually think that his strange nostrils are cute. L-O-V-E.
Blair has a tender heart to heart with Baby Slut about how her mother also ignores her.
"But you're perfect."
"True. Which is why I realized that it's not about me."
Who responds like that. Love this bitch.
Mommy rips Blair a new butt-hole telling her that the Dean will be sure to get an ear full about how she's not Yale material. She's about to pull out the blackmail material but Baby Slut come out to defend her. Mommy then goes all Mommy Dearest and says, "No wonder I don't want to spend time with you." Blair is obviously emotionally effected and instead of going to normal Blair route, she simply tells Mommy that her daughter's great and leaves.
Dad tries to get Little J arrested but Lily refuses to press charges. I wish that man were part of the fashion police. Get it?! Get it?! Seriously though, lay off that fucking hat.
Chuck tries to get Nate to come live with him but stubborn little shit would rather rough it on the streets. Well, at least he has experience turning tricks, right?
The Dean calls to let B know that Baby Slut told him that if she could eat dinner with any person, living or dead, it would be B. F yes.
Little J decides to go homeless too. It's so trendy these days. And hey, she already has the wardrobe for it.
Serena is attempting to help Blair get a leg-up on her Yale admissions by getting in well with a major contributor. Trouble is, they're not so interested in chatting so...
Plan B is to babysit the couple's teenage daughter. Only problem is, she's a total slut who's intent on losing her virginity tonight. In that terrible, terrible dress. B's not so happy with S.
This douche is still in the picture. Apparently so are several other "lucky ladies".
Sorry, I stopped caring about this plotline half-way through that sentence. Maybe I never started. Whatever.
Little J has decided since leaving Eleanor Waldorff she's going to put on a "renegade fashion show". I really can't stand when television shows try to come up with cool ways to talk about hip underground things. At this point we don't really know what "renegade fashion show" means but it sounds like Latin American guerrillas might be changing the world through couture. In any event, Nate decides to help...things a boy won't do to get into a 15-year-old's pants. And hat. That fucking hat. Thing.
GAH. This shit. Scarf Douche sends S a licorice ring. I puke all over it and she still waxes poetic in her dude voice about how it's so "schweeeeet".
S and B convince that Baby Slut should come with them to Bart and Lily Bass' event that night. She agrees until Chuck informs her that it's totally lame sauce. She then tries to bag Chuck. He sees it as the perfect occasion to bag a 15-year-old.
Chuck tells Blair that he couldn't do the deal. Turns out the back of a limo is sacred. Awwwwwww. That's my BB boy!
So the wild goose chase begins. S, B and Chuck go to look for Baby Slut and they find her at an...ick...downtown bar. With a boy named Serge. Sick. But she slips through their hands before they can get to her. Fortunately, Chuck finds Mommy Dearest having cocktails with a much younger man. Hubby's nowhere to be found and her reasons for needing a babysitter are less than altruistic. Blackmail would be the eHarmony keyword match for Chuck and Blair.
Oh shiz, turns out that the event little J's new friends scouted out for her is Bart and Lily's huge event. Snap. I think Dan's regretting that decision to wait and tell his Dad right about now.
Good thing she has Nate to take care of her, right? Well, that's one way you can take care of her. Thanks GG for helping Dad, Dan and Vanessa (who might be particularly interested in who Nate's shoving tonguing this week) find out where she is.
While S heads out to her Mom's event, Blair and Chuck find Baby Slut. She's knee deep in pre-surge Serge and she's intent on staying until she gets the job done. See, she wants to beat her best friend to the sack. Thankfully, Chuck called in a favor to GG and she put an APB out that the BFF already tackled that task. Baby Slut has no choice but to leave.
OMG! Renegade fashion show! Apparently this means weirdo music, ugly clothes, models kicking over glasses and lots and lots of screaming whilst throwing polaroids. Also, a slide show. That's so edgy. Everyone loves it except for Dad.
Vanessa loved it until she saw this creeper moment. Feeling betrayed by both her ex-BF and her pseudo-sister, she runs away. Little J goes to find her. Dan rails Nate and tells him to move out. Oopsie. Homeless here he comes.
Chuck and Blair go to drop off Baby Slut. Blair thanks Chuck for his call-in to GG and he's all "Anything for you". And he's such a good actor that it sounds real and I just want to die from how cute they are and I actually think that his strange nostrils are cute. L-O-V-E.
Blair has a tender heart to heart with Baby Slut about how her mother also ignores her.
"But you're perfect."
"True. Which is why I realized that it's not about me."
Who responds like that. Love this bitch.
Mommy rips Blair a new butt-hole telling her that the Dean will be sure to get an ear full about how she's not Yale material. She's about to pull out the blackmail material but Baby Slut come out to defend her. Mommy then goes all Mommy Dearest and says, "No wonder I don't want to spend time with you." Blair is obviously emotionally effected and instead of going to normal Blair route, she simply tells Mommy that her daughter's great and leaves.
Dad tries to get Little J arrested but Lily refuses to press charges. I wish that man were part of the fashion police. Get it?! Get it?! Seriously though, lay off that fucking hat.
Chuck tries to get Nate to come live with him but stubborn little shit would rather rough it on the streets. Well, at least he has experience turning tricks, right?
The Dean calls to let B know that Baby Slut told him that if she could eat dinner with any person, living or dead, it would be B. F yes.
Little J decides to go homeless too. It's so trendy these days. And hey, she already has the wardrobe for it.
Spotted!
I know it's not true, but chick looks like she's Kelly Cutrone goes crazy in Stella from Project Runway's closet. Just sayin'.
Oh no you did not!
Some SHIT went down on The Hills this week.
First of all, Audrina was all, "Hey Lauren, I'm moving out. This weekend."
Wow.
She asked Justin Bobby to move in and he basically told her no. I can totally see why she loves him.
Then, the best thing that ever happened, ever...erm...happened.
Heidi got wasted at a Bolthouse event, Spencer offered her boss shots and SHE GOT FIRED.
Also, isn't Audrina's sister pretty?!
First of all, Audrina was all, "Hey Lauren, I'm moving out. This weekend."
Wow.
She asked Justin Bobby to move in and he basically told her no. I can totally see why she loves him.
Then, the best thing that ever happened, ever...erm...happened.
Heidi got wasted at a Bolthouse event, Spencer offered her boss shots and SHE GOT FIRED.
Also, isn't Audrina's sister pretty?!
Peace!
Megan, everybody's favorite Beauty and the Geek winner/Rock of Love ho/I Love Money conniver, is finally, finally gone. And not a day too soon.
The challenge this week was pretty incidental. Something about managing/assembling/getting drunk with a band. The wrong team won, as usual, and there really wasn't much to talk about. Oh, Charles, Daisy's live-in from Rock of Love was in one of the bands. I tried to post a picture but incidentally no one on the internet wanted to have to see his face either.
Anywho, Megan actually kicks man-voice Brandy. Kicks her. Hard. Sharon Osbourne gets pissed, kicks her off. Trashy pornstar Brandy has a literal meltdown. It was amazing.
This post was dedicated to Frenchie. Hope you're keeping it classy bitch.
The challenge this week was pretty incidental. Something about managing/assembling/getting drunk with a band. The wrong team won, as usual, and there really wasn't much to talk about. Oh, Charles, Daisy's live-in from Rock of Love was in one of the bands. I tried to post a picture but incidentally no one on the internet wanted to have to see his face either.
Anywho, Megan actually kicks man-voice Brandy. Kicks her. Hard. Sharon Osbourne gets pissed, kicks her off. Trashy pornstar Brandy has a literal meltdown. It was amazing.
This post was dedicated to Frenchie. Hope you're keeping it classy bitch.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Lost News, Deleted Scenes, My Head Explodes, etc.
Here are the titles of the first six episodes of the next season:
Episode 5.01 - Because You Left
Episode 5.02 - The Lie
Episode 5.03 - Jughead
Episode 5.04 - The Little Prince
Episode 5.05 - This Place is Death
Episode 5.06 - The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham
Assumedly the first episode will be a mind blowing return to last season's jaw-dropping cliffhangers.
The Little Prince promises opportunity for vivid and surreal imagery and if it has any of the epic overtones that the play it's paying homage to does, color me excited.
Lastly, OMFG! The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham. I DIE!
Sawyer/Hurley is my favorite bromance.
Two annoying women are tense over one annoying man.
"Are we dead?" "If we are, then Heaven sucks.
LOVE Miles. Also, research on the Dharma Initiative, eh?
"I'm sure you must hear this all the time..."
Deleted due to damaged film.
Episode 5.01 - Because You Left
Episode 5.02 - The Lie
Episode 5.03 - Jughead
Episode 5.04 - The Little Prince
Episode 5.05 - This Place is Death
Episode 5.06 - The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham
Assumedly the first episode will be a mind blowing return to last season's jaw-dropping cliffhangers.
The Little Prince promises opportunity for vivid and surreal imagery and if it has any of the epic overtones that the play it's paying homage to does, color me excited.
Lastly, OMFG! The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham. I DIE!
Sawyer/Hurley is my favorite bromance.
Two annoying women are tense over one annoying man.
"Are we dead?" "If we are, then Heaven sucks.
LOVE Miles. Also, research on the Dharma Initiative, eh?
"I'm sure you must hear this all the time..."
Deleted due to damaged film.
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