9:03 My two favorites to win are up for eviction. Hmmm.
9:04 Jordan-"It sucks because I think that I'm the only one here smart enough to beat him. No offense. Jordan-"You're right."
9:06 Ronnie is so oddly shaped. "We're back in control." Like you won't be the first one voted out???
9:08 Russel the douche has a douche mustache.
9:09 Russel is screaming at Lydia. Oh shiz. She's leaving the room to go cry.
9:15 Ronnie comforting anyone is soooooo awkward. Lydia having a conversation about backdooring with two gay dudes (yes, Ronnie is totes gay) is hilarious.
9:18 Is Jordan really this stupid? Sadly, I think so. What is 60/4 dumbass???
9:23 I want Ronnie to backdoor Russel so badly. *Wink*
9:27 Oh good, Lydia took her shirt off to host the veto competition.
9:29 At this point it's basically 3 vs. 3. Natalie and Russel will not take anyone off the block and Ronnie won't have the balls.
9:30 Way to throw the competition Ronnie. And Natalie. Ronnie is eliminated from the competition first...also, he used to be a manager of a movie theater. Big surprise.
9:34 Jeff wins again and Laura gets eliminated. Shit. 9:36 Natalie wins, takes a bag (good strategic move) and Casey gets eliminated. Now Jeff's all alone. This hit is getting good!
9:39 Jeff wins!
9:44 Kevin noming a chicky nugget discussing backdooring Russel. Laura lies to Ronnie telling him that she won't put him up. Hilarious that Ronnie thinks that Russ would be a potential ally. Heeeelllllllllll no.
9:54 Russel keeps refering to himself as "The Shotgun". Uh. Jeff takes himself off. Duh. And the moment of truth.......He puts up Jordan. ????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He'll never be able to beat Russel and he'll hear about all of it tonight and get voted off as soon as they don't need his vote. D-U-M-B.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
True Blood
Anna Paquin won an Golden Globe for portraying Sookie Stackhouse. Usually this would anger me to the point of ranting Facebook status but ever since I've been wistfully following my crackerjack dreams through a city that smells like urine, everything looks a little more hopeful. If this hack can win an Emmy I can win a freaking Peabody.
Much of the latest episode centered on Sookie and Bill which meant that it was a lackluster episode. When will television realize that nobody likes the main characters? Jack and Kate can go die in a cave. Will and Grace are only background props for the Jack and Karen show. Dawson is universally hated by mankind. I mean, don't get me wrong, an episode full of Lafayette calling his cousin a hooker would be a little trying so you have to break it up somehow but make sure to divy up your scenes in an entertaining fashion.
So, Sookie, Bill and Jessica are in Dallas. Sookie is thrilled to meet another telepath and manages to scare him off in no time at all. See, even strangers find Sookie annoying. For my money I think this kid's just playing her and he's going to end up being an even more powerful telepath than she is, working with the forces that tried to kidnap her. I've been wrong before though. Occasionally.
There's a lot of vamp infighting going on in the Dallas compound. Unsure of what to do about the escallating danger revolving around the missing Godric and Sookie's near kidnapping, two sides are quickly formed. The first, headed by some large vampire dude who looks like he belongs in soft core porn and plays the one note of "I HATE HUMANS!" a little look dully is repudiated by Eric, Sookie and some sexy vampire lady who later asks about Sookie's human/vampire relationship. Eric is unusually quiet on the subject until Sookie suggests that she infiltrate the camp and try to gain knowledge of their goings-on. It is then that we learn the origin of Eric's strong feelings for Godric: he is his maker.
In what turned out to be the best scene of the episode, we get a juicy flashback to Eric's human days. Wrapped in furs and carrying a Beowulf shielf Eric is dying from a battle wound. His comrades vow to stay with him through death and even build him a funeral pier. How sweet. The highlight of the scene comes when they're talking about dining at Valhala and listing the things that will be there to which studly Viking Eric claims, "Wherever I go, there will be women." As he lays dying, a red flash of a sprite rips through his friends and their blood suspends in the air for just a moment. Bad ass Eric doesn't bat an eyelash as the thing that has just murdered his friends perches itself upon his pier and confirms that he is in fact Death. And suddenly, every idea that you've had of Godric disappears from your mind. He looks like a boy, small and nimble, with a mop of thick, matted black hair atop his head. And his body, thin and pubescent is covered in tribal tattoos and markings. When they said thousands of years I think they meant it because those markings looked Egyptian, maybe even Mesopotamian.
And that's when I got a little lightbulb aflame in my head. We know someone else who's into regalia that old. Perhaps Maryann and her bull's head ass had something to do with the disappearance. Perhaps these two knew each other a long time ago.
Speaking of Maryann, the party at the Stackhouse home is still raging and Sam is just about to do the dirty with Daphne. After leading him on a clothes trail hunt after her in the forrest (designed to make the audience fear the worst), she reveals herself as another shapeshifter! And she changes into a dear, which is just about the cutest thing ever. Arlene and Terry stumble upon the duo and I love that Arlene (played by Ben Linus' IRL wifey and in Lost mama) makes the choice to still hate Daphne. The relationship is finally consumated after a rough night at Merlottes after the boss and terrible waitress finish closing up. All I'm going to say is that there is a pool table involved and the two of them mention the words "rack" and "balls".
So what happened at Merlottes that night? Well, it all began after Tara told Maryann that she couldn't move into Sookie's. I mean, it seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to say, "Hey, it isn't my house so I can't really clear 3 people living here. Also, I don't really want to carry your demon spawn. Kthxbailing." But Maryann gets angry. And you wouldn't like her when she's angry. She parks outside Merlotte's and creates the night from hell for Tara. Everyone's yelling at her and she's totally behind and her personal business is now the bar's business and the tips certainly aren't enough to make this night better. Sounds like a regular Friday night of working in a restaurant from my experience, but it's enough to make Tara ask Maryann--now wearing Gram's clothes? and reading a cookbook--to live in the house that isn't hers.
Oh stop, rewind. She also asked Eggs what his and Maryann's deal was. He dodged the question but it was an excellent opportunity for Tara to deliver the line, "What are you guys, nomad? Fucking Bedouins?" Priceless.
Hopefully the next episode will be better. It looks promising with a preview of Lafayette getting surprised by Pam in dry storage, asking him to sell V again (he returned this episode in full eyeliner, do-rag and lip gloss). Also, Sookie is entering the Fellowship of the Sun with some mystery dude she's saying is her fiancee. AND Bill's maker is in town and Eric is trying to get her to bang Bill. Should be good.
P.S. Who else thinks Jessica using that bald dude's phone to call Hoyt is going to bite everybody in the ass?
Who ordered the AIDS burger?
Much of the latest episode centered on Sookie and Bill which meant that it was a lackluster episode. When will television realize that nobody likes the main characters? Jack and Kate can go die in a cave. Will and Grace are only background props for the Jack and Karen show. Dawson is universally hated by mankind. I mean, don't get me wrong, an episode full of Lafayette calling his cousin a hooker would be a little trying so you have to break it up somehow but make sure to divy up your scenes in an entertaining fashion.
So, Sookie, Bill and Jessica are in Dallas. Sookie is thrilled to meet another telepath and manages to scare him off in no time at all. See, even strangers find Sookie annoying. For my money I think this kid's just playing her and he's going to end up being an even more powerful telepath than she is, working with the forces that tried to kidnap her. I've been wrong before though. Occasionally.
There's a lot of vamp infighting going on in the Dallas compound. Unsure of what to do about the escallating danger revolving around the missing Godric and Sookie's near kidnapping, two sides are quickly formed. The first, headed by some large vampire dude who looks like he belongs in soft core porn and plays the one note of "I HATE HUMANS!" a little look dully is repudiated by Eric, Sookie and some sexy vampire lady who later asks about Sookie's human/vampire relationship. Eric is unusually quiet on the subject until Sookie suggests that she infiltrate the camp and try to gain knowledge of their goings-on. It is then that we learn the origin of Eric's strong feelings for Godric: he is his maker.
In what turned out to be the best scene of the episode, we get a juicy flashback to Eric's human days. Wrapped in furs and carrying a Beowulf shielf Eric is dying from a battle wound. His comrades vow to stay with him through death and even build him a funeral pier. How sweet. The highlight of the scene comes when they're talking about dining at Valhala and listing the things that will be there to which studly Viking Eric claims, "Wherever I go, there will be women." As he lays dying, a red flash of a sprite rips through his friends and their blood suspends in the air for just a moment. Bad ass Eric doesn't bat an eyelash as the thing that has just murdered his friends perches itself upon his pier and confirms that he is in fact Death. And suddenly, every idea that you've had of Godric disappears from your mind. He looks like a boy, small and nimble, with a mop of thick, matted black hair atop his head. And his body, thin and pubescent is covered in tribal tattoos and markings. When they said thousands of years I think they meant it because those markings looked Egyptian, maybe even Mesopotamian.
And that's when I got a little lightbulb aflame in my head. We know someone else who's into regalia that old. Perhaps Maryann and her bull's head ass had something to do with the disappearance. Perhaps these two knew each other a long time ago.
Speaking of Maryann, the party at the Stackhouse home is still raging and Sam is just about to do the dirty with Daphne. After leading him on a clothes trail hunt after her in the forrest (designed to make the audience fear the worst), she reveals herself as another shapeshifter! And she changes into a dear, which is just about the cutest thing ever. Arlene and Terry stumble upon the duo and I love that Arlene (played by Ben Linus' IRL wifey and in Lost mama) makes the choice to still hate Daphne. The relationship is finally consumated after a rough night at Merlottes after the boss and terrible waitress finish closing up. All I'm going to say is that there is a pool table involved and the two of them mention the words "rack" and "balls".
So what happened at Merlottes that night? Well, it all began after Tara told Maryann that she couldn't move into Sookie's. I mean, it seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to say, "Hey, it isn't my house so I can't really clear 3 people living here. Also, I don't really want to carry your demon spawn. Kthxbailing." But Maryann gets angry. And you wouldn't like her when she's angry. She parks outside Merlotte's and creates the night from hell for Tara. Everyone's yelling at her and she's totally behind and her personal business is now the bar's business and the tips certainly aren't enough to make this night better. Sounds like a regular Friday night of working in a restaurant from my experience, but it's enough to make Tara ask Maryann--now wearing Gram's clothes? and reading a cookbook--to live in the house that isn't hers.
Oh stop, rewind. She also asked Eggs what his and Maryann's deal was. He dodged the question but it was an excellent opportunity for Tara to deliver the line, "What are you guys, nomad? Fucking Bedouins?" Priceless.
Hopefully the next episode will be better. It looks promising with a preview of Lafayette getting surprised by Pam in dry storage, asking him to sell V again (he returned this episode in full eyeliner, do-rag and lip gloss). Also, Sookie is entering the Fellowship of the Sun with some mystery dude she's saying is her fiancee. AND Bill's maker is in town and Eric is trying to get her to bang Bill. Should be good.
P.S. Who else thinks Jessica using that bald dude's phone to call Hoyt is going to bite everybody in the ass?
Who ordered the AIDS burger?
Real World, Episode Cuatro
Love is in the air in Cancun. That, and the pungent smell of stale beer and frat boy vomit. If there are two things that I will learn from this season of the Real World they are these: limit your alcohol and beware of dating between the ages of 18 and 24. Before this hour is over we’ve seen the roomies spin through five love interests, put their jobs—and thus their presence on the show—in jeopardy, and set the stage for another epic battle.
First comes love, then comes being shady then comes the inevitable break-up after a week of bliss. That’s how that old saying goes, right? It looks like these crazy Real World kid just can’t a relationship right. I mean, we shouldn’t expect much from a group who dropped their at-home significant others faster than a chicken wing fresh out of the fryer, but sometimes a girl’s gotta hope. This time, I was let down. The first romantic encounter is between Derek and his ex-boyfriend. See, when Derek describes the guy he goes from being his ex to being his friend to being his best friend to being his friend-with-benefits. It’s obviously complicated, and obviously stable. So, when Derek starts talking about the ex as if his impending trip to Mexico for Derek’s big 2-1 might be the catalyst for a romantic reunion, you know it’s only going to end badly. When the ex gets there he promptly ignores Derek in favor of some old guy in short swim trucks. He leaves with him and Derek is left to wallow with his older brother saying that this will never happen again. I predict that they get back together as soon as he gets home.
In other relationship news, CJ has a crush on the Spanish-speaking host at the in-hotel restaurant the group frequents. He says he likes her cause she’s cool and nice and fun. Based on her limited grasp of the English language and cardboard personality, I think he might like her for some other reason. Speaking of that reason, Joey has sent his sights on conquest number two. And what better way to ensure that a girl doesn’t get mixed messages and tell her loud and clear that you only want to hook up with her than to take her on a double date steak dinner with CJ and his crush. Joey, outside of the bar element turn out to be legit charming which is nice to see but also evil to watch as we know what fate awaits this girl who actually likes him. CJ is hot. I mean, his hair is adorable and his pecs are tight and he just looks like he’ll smell good. But his game? It is off. He talks to the poor girl about pooping and donkey shows and the date ends about where you’d think it would. A few days later the girl tells him that she just wants to be friends.
Joey, coming off of the high of taking advantage of the second girl looking for the Cancun trip of a lifetime, gets devastating news. His grandmother has just passed. It’s terrible to think about these people having to deal with a trauma like that while in this situation, but Joey flies home to be with his family and seems to return in good spirits. In between all of this romance is the rommates’ work orientation where it is once again drilled into them that there are two big rules in the house: no public intoxication and no fraternizing with Student City travelers. No one ever said Student City employees were off the block, however, so Jasmine immediately starts crushing on a fellow employee—a tall, lanky Canadian DJ. The storyline is fairly drama-free so it doesn’t get much airtime this episode. Derek, on the other hand, comes back swinging from his ex-BF strikeout and takes up with a nice young man in a crowded club. Once he realizes the guy is a Student City traveler he explains the situation, at which point lover boy rips his Student City wrist band off. Wow. Behavior like this or drunkenly laying in the middle of the street like he did earlier in the episode will surely never get Derek fired from his job.
On next week’s Real World, Joey is on a mission. Having returned from his Grandmother’s funeral with a new outlook on life, a throw caution to the wind attitude, he decides to make Ayiiia go insane. If this episode was about love, next week’s is definitely about war.
First comes love, then comes being shady then comes the inevitable break-up after a week of bliss. That’s how that old saying goes, right? It looks like these crazy Real World kid just can’t a relationship right. I mean, we shouldn’t expect much from a group who dropped their at-home significant others faster than a chicken wing fresh out of the fryer, but sometimes a girl’s gotta hope. This time, I was let down. The first romantic encounter is between Derek and his ex-boyfriend. See, when Derek describes the guy he goes from being his ex to being his friend to being his best friend to being his friend-with-benefits. It’s obviously complicated, and obviously stable. So, when Derek starts talking about the ex as if his impending trip to Mexico for Derek’s big 2-1 might be the catalyst for a romantic reunion, you know it’s only going to end badly. When the ex gets there he promptly ignores Derek in favor of some old guy in short swim trucks. He leaves with him and Derek is left to wallow with his older brother saying that this will never happen again. I predict that they get back together as soon as he gets home.
In other relationship news, CJ has a crush on the Spanish-speaking host at the in-hotel restaurant the group frequents. He says he likes her cause she’s cool and nice and fun. Based on her limited grasp of the English language and cardboard personality, I think he might like her for some other reason. Speaking of that reason, Joey has sent his sights on conquest number two. And what better way to ensure that a girl doesn’t get mixed messages and tell her loud and clear that you only want to hook up with her than to take her on a double date steak dinner with CJ and his crush. Joey, outside of the bar element turn out to be legit charming which is nice to see but also evil to watch as we know what fate awaits this girl who actually likes him. CJ is hot. I mean, his hair is adorable and his pecs are tight and he just looks like he’ll smell good. But his game? It is off. He talks to the poor girl about pooping and donkey shows and the date ends about where you’d think it would. A few days later the girl tells him that she just wants to be friends.
Joey, coming off of the high of taking advantage of the second girl looking for the Cancun trip of a lifetime, gets devastating news. His grandmother has just passed. It’s terrible to think about these people having to deal with a trauma like that while in this situation, but Joey flies home to be with his family and seems to return in good spirits. In between all of this romance is the rommates’ work orientation where it is once again drilled into them that there are two big rules in the house: no public intoxication and no fraternizing with Student City travelers. No one ever said Student City employees were off the block, however, so Jasmine immediately starts crushing on a fellow employee—a tall, lanky Canadian DJ. The storyline is fairly drama-free so it doesn’t get much airtime this episode. Derek, on the other hand, comes back swinging from his ex-BF strikeout and takes up with a nice young man in a crowded club. Once he realizes the guy is a Student City traveler he explains the situation, at which point lover boy rips his Student City wrist band off. Wow. Behavior like this or drunkenly laying in the middle of the street like he did earlier in the episode will surely never get Derek fired from his job.
On next week’s Real World, Joey is on a mission. Having returned from his Grandmother’s funeral with a new outlook on life, a throw caution to the wind attitude, he decides to make Ayiiia go insane. If this episode was about love, next week’s is definitely about war.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Big Brother 11
The US version of the UK nuthouse that is the Big Brother house premiered its eleventh installment last week. The big twist this season, or the first rather, is that the house will be split into cliques--The Brains, The Athletes, The Popular, The Offbeats. The BB house got to vote their housemates into the corresponding cliques and they pretty much hit the nail on the head, causing the producers no big mix-ups. The other big change included in the twist? If a castmember's cliquemate becomes the HOH, no one in the clique can put up for elimination. Interesting in cases where cliques do not like each other or are not aligned in voting. After the cliques were selected, the first HOH competition took place. But there was another twist in store. The team, and individual that won, would not get to be the HOH. Instead, there were 4 former BB castmembers waiting off screen; if their clique won, they got to go into the house. They also got to be the first HOH. In the end, roidhead Jesse from last season got back into the house on the Athlete's team. Uhhh.
So, who do we have this season?
Braden is a self-described surfer dude from Dana Point, California. Braden's bio says that his hobbies are sleeping and talking to girls. He also says that he's very intelligent. Hmmm. I think not. So far in the house, he has displayed an astounding lack on smarts, been annoying, checked himself out lots, called another housemate a beaner (dude is half black, half Japanese), and got kicked out.
Jordan is a 22-year-old blonde from the south. She's not breaking any barriers in the brains category. She seems to be very attached to Jeff and if her alliance makes it anywhere near the end, it seems that she's coast along by cuddling. I hate that shit. Also, she had the nerve to complain that Lydia was "ruining the house" by making power plays. That's the game, honey. Go home if you don't like it.
Laura has huge boobs. She's the requisite boob girl in the house and at one point complains that it's "not her fault that she has huge boobs". I'm not medical expert but I think that it might be a voluntary procedure to get breast implants. Chick's growing on me though. Seems to be a classic under-the-radar with a brain player. Winning potential.
Old guy alert! Each season BB has an old guy who will usually get at least half-way as long as there are other warring factions in the house. Lucky for Casey, there are. See, while the other people pick each other off, Casey will continue to be the swing vote until only one alliance remains. At that point hopefully he's aligned himself with the stronger half of the sub-alliance. Potential winner.
I liked Lydia when she came into the house. Atypical and friendly to the gay dude, she's my kind of girl. She's also smart. She's playing the game from all angles and doing it well, even talking her way off of the chopping block. Unfortunately, she performed unnamed acts on the HOH in order to get there. Ick nast. No much game play too soon does not a BB champ make.
Kevin of the many scarves and ridic sunglasses and super-homo sass. How I love thee. Kevin describes himself as Blackanese because he's half-black and half-Japanese. It seems that the only person who Kevin has aligned himself with though is Lydia, and she's not even telling him of her schemes. I don't think Kevin will make it to the end.
Oh, Jessie. Your 18 inch arms will never make up for how tiny your penis has gotten after years of steroid. It's sad, really. As the first HOH, Jessie made himself hated by all but 5 people in the house, messed around with a girl in the house and kicked out a physical threat. I don't like him but he's not dumb. People will go after this accomplices before him which is a good angle to play. I predict he'll go far in the game.
Natalie is an 18-year-old girl who's been to the junior olympics for Tae Kwan Do. Her master scheme was to tell people she was 24 to throw them off. No one bought it. If the athletes don't keep winning HOH competitions, she's going to go home. Dumb, dumb, girl.
Russel is a douche with a capital DOUCHE. He thinks that he's running the house, which is funny because everyone hates him. I'd say he has one of the largest targets on his back. By portraying himself as the brains of the athlete organization, Russell has absolved HOH Jessie of any guilt. Plus, he calls himself "Russell the Love Muscle" which makes me automatically hate him.
Jeff may have just made the smartest move possible in this game. He went against his alliance and instead aligned himself with a group of people from other alliances. See, the other 3 people on his team can't vote him out. And now he's got like 4 other people who just plain won't. His chances of going up on the block are just so darn small. Smart cookie. If I were the other athletes I'd try to get a person I was aligned with outside of the alliance to put him up OR throw the HOH competition so that he would win and be forced to choose sides. This one just may win.
Chima is a drama queen, which made me roundly dislike her at first. Then came her live television call out of racist Braden and I started to like her a whole lot more--even with her nasty top lip. It will be interesting to see what happens after Chima is back in the house, knowing that her cliquemate(s) voted for her to go home.
Michele is no doubt book smart. She's a neuroscientist and intelligently told the house that she simply "works with lab rats". But like so many book smart people she's just people dumb. She hasn't aligned herself with anyone but Ronnie and he's totally playing her. In fact she's the only one dumb enough to be played by him. Sigh, what a bad name for nerds everywhere.
Ronnie. Even his name is annoying. He's the kind of player who thinks that he's working everyone over when in fact he's neither charming nor cunning enough to persuade anyone. He says that he's a national champion in persuasive speaking but, honey, getting on stage in your father's oversized suit in high school to detail why the legal drinking age ought to stay the same is not the same as interacting with other human beings. In real like people are off-put by yout turrets-like physical ticks and huge gut and weird personal space bubble. In real life, being witty and charming is far better social capital than knowing a lot about Star Wars. And Ronnie, I don't care how many times you point to your wedding ring. You're totally gay.
So, who do we have this season?
Braden-Popular
Braden is a self-described surfer dude from Dana Point, California. Braden's bio says that his hobbies are sleeping and talking to girls. He also says that he's very intelligent. Hmmm. I think not. So far in the house, he has displayed an astounding lack on smarts, been annoying, checked himself out lots, called another housemate a beaner (dude is half black, half Japanese), and got kicked out.Jordan-Popular
Jordan is a 22-year-old blonde from the south. She's not breaking any barriers in the brains category. She seems to be very attached to Jeff and if her alliance makes it anywhere near the end, it seems that she's coast along by cuddling. I hate that shit. Also, she had the nerve to complain that Lydia was "ruining the house" by making power plays. That's the game, honey. Go home if you don't like it.Laura-Popular
Laura has huge boobs. She's the requisite boob girl in the house and at one point complains that it's "not her fault that she has huge boobs". I'm not medical expert but I think that it might be a voluntary procedure to get breast implants. Chick's growing on me though. Seems to be a classic under-the-radar with a brain player. Winning potential.Casey- Offbeat
Old guy alert! Each season BB has an old guy who will usually get at least half-way as long as there are other warring factions in the house. Lucky for Casey, there are. See, while the other people pick each other off, Casey will continue to be the swing vote until only one alliance remains. At that point hopefully he's aligned himself with the stronger half of the sub-alliance. Potential winner.Lydia- Offbeat
I liked Lydia when she came into the house. Atypical and friendly to the gay dude, she's my kind of girl. She's also smart. She's playing the game from all angles and doing it well, even talking her way off of the chopping block. Unfortunately, she performed unnamed acts on the HOH in order to get there. Ick nast. No much game play too soon does not a BB champ make.Kevin-Offbeat
Kevin of the many scarves and ridic sunglasses and super-homo sass. How I love thee. Kevin describes himself as Blackanese because he's half-black and half-Japanese. It seems that the only person who Kevin has aligned himself with though is Lydia, and she's not even telling him of her schemes. I don't think Kevin will make it to the end.Jessie-Athlete
Oh, Jessie. Your 18 inch arms will never make up for how tiny your penis has gotten after years of steroid. It's sad, really. As the first HOH, Jessie made himself hated by all but 5 people in the house, messed around with a girl in the house and kicked out a physical threat. I don't like him but he's not dumb. People will go after this accomplices before him which is a good angle to play. I predict he'll go far in the game.Natalie-Athlete
Natalie is an 18-year-old girl who's been to the junior olympics for Tae Kwan Do. Her master scheme was to tell people she was 24 to throw them off. No one bought it. If the athletes don't keep winning HOH competitions, she's going to go home. Dumb, dumb, girl.Russel- Athlete
Russel is a douche with a capital DOUCHE. He thinks that he's running the house, which is funny because everyone hates him. I'd say he has one of the largest targets on his back. By portraying himself as the brains of the athlete organization, Russell has absolved HOH Jessie of any guilt. Plus, he calls himself "Russell the Love Muscle" which makes me automatically hate him.
Jeff-Athlete
Jeff may have just made the smartest move possible in this game. He went against his alliance and instead aligned himself with a group of people from other alliances. See, the other 3 people on his team can't vote him out. And now he's got like 4 other people who just plain won't. His chances of going up on the block are just so darn small. Smart cookie. If I were the other athletes I'd try to get a person I was aligned with outside of the alliance to put him up OR throw the HOH competition so that he would win and be forced to choose sides. This one just may win.Chima-Brain
Chima is a drama queen, which made me roundly dislike her at first. Then came her live television call out of racist Braden and I started to like her a whole lot more--even with her nasty top lip. It will be interesting to see what happens after Chima is back in the house, knowing that her cliquemate(s) voted for her to go home.Michele-Brain
Michele is no doubt book smart. She's a neuroscientist and intelligently told the house that she simply "works with lab rats". But like so many book smart people she's just people dumb. She hasn't aligned herself with anyone but Ronnie and he's totally playing her. In fact she's the only one dumb enough to be played by him. Sigh, what a bad name for nerds everywhere.Ronnie-Brain
Ronnie. Even his name is annoying. He's the kind of player who thinks that he's working everyone over when in fact he's neither charming nor cunning enough to persuade anyone. He says that he's a national champion in persuasive speaking but, honey, getting on stage in your father's oversized suit in high school to detail why the legal drinking age ought to stay the same is not the same as interacting with other human beings. In real like people are off-put by yout turrets-like physical ticks and huge gut and weird personal space bubble. In real life, being witty and charming is far better social capital than knowing a lot about Star Wars. And Ronnie, I don't care how many times you point to your wedding ring. You're totally gay.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Real World, Episode Tres
Here's a link to a Real World re-cap I wrote for Kiwibox.
When I'm published other places I have to use a publication appropriate voice so this is a little parred down from my normal voice but it'll do.
Re-Cap
When I'm published other places I have to use a publication appropriate voice so this is a little parred down from my normal voice but it'll do.
Re-Cap
Monday, July 13, 2009
True Blood Post
This week's True Blood posed a few questions but answered a whole lot more. Here's what we know:
Maryann the Maenad...Does that include Minotaur?
As suspected, Maryann, the bane of Sam and the would-be rescuer of Tara, is very closely related to the bull thing rampaging the women folk of Bon Temps. In fact, she is the bull thing. In an interview with TVGuide, Maryann's portrayer Michelle Forbes said that Maryann is a maenad. After some handy-dandy Wikipedia research I've learned that I was also right on another count: Maryann has been around a long, long time---like, Dionysus old. The maenad were female followers of Dionysus (the greek god of wine and revelry) whose debauchery often turned violent with head ripping and body mutilation taking place between the wine and orgies. Sounds like our dear Maryann but where exactly does the bull head come in?
Eggs Over Easy
Tara and Eggs finally did the nasty is the most romantic of settings: on Sookie's dead grandmother's bed while an orgy where people were eating dirt and breaking bottles over one another's heads and smashing cake raged on. The real question is: how does this fit into Maryann's plan? What exactly is that plan? What exactly is Benedict?
Lafayette Back in Humping Form
Tara finally found out about Lafayette's last two weeks from hell and came over to her beloved cousin's house on her birthday to demand that the man not seeking medical attention for his gunshot wound pay attention to her. Lafayette casually threw around words like bitch and skank before he tossed her out of the hosue to settle in for a nap covered in a croched throw blanket. Of all people--err, vampires--Eric shows up at his house. He tells Lafayette that his wound is infected and he will surely die if not treated. Then, the badest vampire of all, offers his own curing blood for Lafayette's personal use. Hmm...what could the ulterior motives here be? Eric says that Sookie interests him and that what is of interest to Sookie is also interesting by-proxy. Not sure if I'm buying this. Either way, we got a celebration dance/humping of the chair out of Lafayette.
Hot For Preacher's Wife
Am I the only one who's finding Jason Stackhouse's storyline a bit tired. I get it. They're religious zealots. I get it. They love guns and hate vampires and wear pleated khaki. And Sookie is going to come right up against her brother and there will be a huge showdown that will most likely be impacted by the more probable hook-up between newly befuddled Jason and the lonely preacher's wife. The set up is just a little trying for me.
Dallas Or Bust
Sookie, Bill and Jessica (who is missing precious quality time with Hoyt) take a trip to Dallas to try and investigate the disappearance of the sherrif of that region. Eric is concerned beyond reason (what's with all of the Eric caring about others routine lately?) and Sookie's telepathy is going to come in handy. When the plane lands, Sookie is almost kidnapped by a man that the Fellowship of the Sun hired. The best part of this interaction, honestly, is teenaged Jessica practicing glamoring on the balding would-be kidnapper. The teenager is played to perfection as her precociousness and bemusement at the sake of others' embarrassment comes to the forefront. The question remains though: if the Fellowship is behind the kidnapping, how did they orchestrate the deed? Godric is a more powerful vampire than any we know. Are they in danger too? And if someone knew that Sookie and Bill were coming, who tipped them off?
Stupid Sam
Let me count the ways (of Sam's stupidity):
1. Sam is skinny dipping with Daphne. Although Daphne is a terrible waitress and a little daft (qualities which I happen to abhor), she's hot. And naked. So when she asks Sam to come get pancakes with her, he probably should have agreed to the pancakes.
2. When Daphne exits the water, Sam can clearly see the three foot long trio of scratches running down her back. I dunno, my first reaction would be, shit! What the hell happened to your back?! Let's tell scar horror stories by a fireplace just like Riggs in Lethal Weapon.
3. While at Tara's birthday party, orgy ensuing around them. Daphne whispers in Sam's ear all creppy-like that she "knows what he is". He them simply follows her outside. Alone. In the dark. I'm sorry, HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW I'M A SHAPESHIFTING DOG???
Brainreading Bellhop
The cliff-hanger in this episode was that Sookie finally met another mind reader. In an adorably paced scene, after Jessica orders a young, cute Type B for room service (the vampire details are still quite fun), Sookie reads the bellhop's mind. And he reads hers back. Hmmm....the plot thickens.
This post brought to you by "Nobody needed any towels!!!"
Maryann the Maenad...Does that include Minotaur?
As suspected, Maryann, the bane of Sam and the would-be rescuer of Tara, is very closely related to the bull thing rampaging the women folk of Bon Temps. In fact, she is the bull thing. In an interview with TVGuide, Maryann's portrayer Michelle Forbes said that Maryann is a maenad. After some handy-dandy Wikipedia research I've learned that I was also right on another count: Maryann has been around a long, long time---like, Dionysus old. The maenad were female followers of Dionysus (the greek god of wine and revelry) whose debauchery often turned violent with head ripping and body mutilation taking place between the wine and orgies. Sounds like our dear Maryann but where exactly does the bull head come in?
Eggs Over Easy
Tara and Eggs finally did the nasty is the most romantic of settings: on Sookie's dead grandmother's bed while an orgy where people were eating dirt and breaking bottles over one another's heads and smashing cake raged on. The real question is: how does this fit into Maryann's plan? What exactly is that plan? What exactly is Benedict?
Lafayette Back in Humping Form
Tara finally found out about Lafayette's last two weeks from hell and came over to her beloved cousin's house on her birthday to demand that the man not seeking medical attention for his gunshot wound pay attention to her. Lafayette casually threw around words like bitch and skank before he tossed her out of the hosue to settle in for a nap covered in a croched throw blanket. Of all people--err, vampires--Eric shows up at his house. He tells Lafayette that his wound is infected and he will surely die if not treated. Then, the badest vampire of all, offers his own curing blood for Lafayette's personal use. Hmm...what could the ulterior motives here be? Eric says that Sookie interests him and that what is of interest to Sookie is also interesting by-proxy. Not sure if I'm buying this. Either way, we got a celebration dance/humping of the chair out of Lafayette.
Hot For Preacher's Wife
Am I the only one who's finding Jason Stackhouse's storyline a bit tired. I get it. They're religious zealots. I get it. They love guns and hate vampires and wear pleated khaki. And Sookie is going to come right up against her brother and there will be a huge showdown that will most likely be impacted by the more probable hook-up between newly befuddled Jason and the lonely preacher's wife. The set up is just a little trying for me.
Dallas Or Bust
Sookie, Bill and Jessica (who is missing precious quality time with Hoyt) take a trip to Dallas to try and investigate the disappearance of the sherrif of that region. Eric is concerned beyond reason (what's with all of the Eric caring about others routine lately?) and Sookie's telepathy is going to come in handy. When the plane lands, Sookie is almost kidnapped by a man that the Fellowship of the Sun hired. The best part of this interaction, honestly, is teenaged Jessica practicing glamoring on the balding would-be kidnapper. The teenager is played to perfection as her precociousness and bemusement at the sake of others' embarrassment comes to the forefront. The question remains though: if the Fellowship is behind the kidnapping, how did they orchestrate the deed? Godric is a more powerful vampire than any we know. Are they in danger too? And if someone knew that Sookie and Bill were coming, who tipped them off?
Stupid Sam
Let me count the ways (of Sam's stupidity):
1. Sam is skinny dipping with Daphne. Although Daphne is a terrible waitress and a little daft (qualities which I happen to abhor), she's hot. And naked. So when she asks Sam to come get pancakes with her, he probably should have agreed to the pancakes.
2. When Daphne exits the water, Sam can clearly see the three foot long trio of scratches running down her back. I dunno, my first reaction would be, shit! What the hell happened to your back?! Let's tell scar horror stories by a fireplace just like Riggs in Lethal Weapon.
3. While at Tara's birthday party, orgy ensuing around them. Daphne whispers in Sam's ear all creppy-like that she "knows what he is". He them simply follows her outside. Alone. In the dark. I'm sorry, HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW I'M A SHAPESHIFTING DOG???
Brainreading Bellhop
The cliff-hanger in this episode was that Sookie finally met another mind reader. In an adorably paced scene, after Jessica orders a young, cute Type B for room service (the vampire details are still quite fun), Sookie reads the bellhop's mind. And he reads hers back. Hmmm....the plot thickens.
This post brought to you by "Nobody needed any towels!!!"
Friday, July 10, 2009
NYC Prep Recap
NYC Prep returned this week with another exciting installment of "Rich People Suck". Sebastian continued to toy with the hearts of young, emotionally fragile girls. PC tried desperately to adhere to his straight-rich-affected-superior-youth act. Jesse gave us a glimpse into her future as an almost attractive, almost loved, almost important human being existing in Florida. And Camille was worthless and desperate as usual.
First off...
Sebastian, attractive because his hair resembles Lief Garret's and his attitude reminds us of that ex who gave us herpies when he cheated on us with that waitress with acrylic nails, can totally see himself falling for Taylor. Everytime he's with her she just gets cuter and cuter. You can tell he likes her because he goes all the way out to the Hamptons to visit Kelli. Yes, you read that right. He's still seeing both girls. At this point my English degree is begging me to compare Taylor to Marianne in Sense and Sensibility and Sebastian to that money-driven corrupter Mr. Dashwood but I don't know if the show that will later bring me the image of closeted PC humping a rainbow care bear as a pre-teen merits this kind of comparison. Anyway, it's obvious to the viewer that Sebastian wants the best of both worlds and that he's simply keeping Kelli on a leash because she makes sense as a partner for him. It's only a little heart piercing to watch as Kelli opens her heart and her home to Sebastian, afire with hope that he will love her more than the floors of marble and bathrooms with badays and little yippy dog ever could. But he doesn't. And then the poor dog dies and Kelli is left weeping in the cold wind at the dog cemetary with only the Spanish speaking help to pick up after her breaking heart. Seriously, I think the best part of the episode was when Kelli's botoxed mother, unable to emote herself, asks the maid if she wants to say something at the funeral, "Habla?!" Oh, white people. You are the stuff that starts Marxist revolutions.
After playing an awkward and unfulfilling games of pool with Kelli, Sebastian ventures back into the city to reunite with his one true love, Taylor. Taylor, who looks so 15 that it makes me feel all queasy inside just thinking about the things that she will do to Sebastian in order to feel like she's escaped her awful Upper West Side hell, is charming and witty as she regales the dashing Sebastian with tales of her exciting life and parables she's come to learn first hand. No--that doesn't happen. The interaction between the two is stilted and pithy as ever and you're left to wonder whether substanitive conversation takes place on their BBMs. And then you're left to feel ashamed that you're thinking about what a pair of terrible teenagers BBM each other. And that you're using the term BBM. Taylor asks Sebastian the mood-killer, "What are we?", and Sebastian's rusty head wheels turn as he thinks of what he can say to ensure a blowjob from both Taylor and his gaggle of girls on the side. He gives her no assurance that they are in a relationship and that's a-okay with Taylor, because she's got a hole in her heart that can only be filled with empty promises and being second-fiddle to the real wife who's actually in the will. The future does not look bright for squatty little Taylor.
So, she seeks the counsel of the wise and intuitive Camille whose advice has never steered anyone wrong. That sentence was, in fact, a complete lie. Camille, whose crazy eyes are especially ablaze tonight with the fire of vicarous romances and social deceit, suggests that Taylor, her ex, Sebastian and Kelli go on a date. She ensures that she's good at gossip and getting the deets and I'm sure that she actually believes that but having watches easily twenty minute of consecutive footage involving her, I know that that's not true. Camille's interrogation technique is more sledgehammer than chisel and the result is usually incredulity and disdain. That's the thing about Camille, though. She isn't merely playing the part of an over-acheiving Tracey Flick neurotic mess. She is actually bat-shit. Or she has Asbergers. Either way, her attempts to embody Blair Waldorff fail miserably. She's not pretty enough to be wanted by boys. She's not charming enough to be adored by girls. Her grades and test scores are hard won and the hours that she's poured into them has made her haggard and empty--too blue collar to be admired. Despite her attempts to climb and manipulate the social strata she has failed on all counts. The situation gets its best evidence when Camille cleans out her closet.
Unable to tackle the monumental task of deciding which clothes she ought to keep and which she out to "throw away" (I hope for the sake of my sanity that the clothes were not actually thrown away), mommy and daddy hire a stylist to choose for her. Well, Camille butts heads with the stylist. You see, the stylist wants to chuck stuff either because it is out of season (no socialista would be caught dead in a pattern recognizable from two seasons ago) or doesn't fit her style (which is a nice way of saying that Camille has no style, and choosing one for her so as to present some sort of cohesion in her mish-mashed teenage trend whore closet). Having none of that, Camille states that she, "doesn't care that it's from two seasons ago" and seeks to prove her point by assembling a disaster of an outfit featuring, get ready for it, animal print. The stylist goes along with it because she wants to get paid and Camille feels the same false sense of victory that she does every other day of her life. It makes me almost sad that Taylor has to be stuck in her still having food on the table tax bracket because she at least truly has the skills to excell in this Upper East Side world. Camille, poor Camille, does not.
Speaking of Taylor, she has a big important gymnastics meet. Her first in fact. She's even more nervous and awkward than usual and watching her bite her nails and hide her stomach in her leotard drudges up long repressed memories of my own. Memories of chin zits on picture day and never getting asked to dance. But I soldier on, muster enough strength to get through an exhaustible scene where her valient ex-boyfriend shows up to her meet supportive and Jewey and oblivious. He takes her to a vegan restaurant where Taylor, with the meta-cognitive skills of a grad student notes that she feels drawn to Ex because he does nice things for her like take her to a restaurant where she can actually eat the food. She makes Ex give her a laundry list of reasons why he's good for her, rejects them all and when asked the mood-killing question, "What are we?" the ever apt pupil simply ricochets the question, batting her eyelashes and ensuring a blowjob while also ensuring that she can give other blow jobs too. Well done, young grasshoppah.
The meat of the episode comes when we visit PC in Mexico. See, he's spending some quality time in Cancun visiting his old boarding school pal JP. I get the feeling that when they were twelve they bonded over having money and liking boobs and giving each other hand jobs. Except that PC never really liked boobs and he still thinks about those hand jobs and he changed his name from Peter to PC in order to keep the love in his heart alive for his one true love. PC doesn't like Cancun. It's dirty and trashy and, dare I say, middle-American. When some mexican girls attempt to get him to dance, at a dance club, he rejects their advances. When some Texan girls try to get him to dance, at a dance club, he rejects their advances. When a waiter dares commit the injustice of asking him whether he wants a jaeger bomb, he declares that only people in Jersey drink jaeger bombs. He will stick to his Heinekin Light, thank you very much. In a moment of pure television genius, the waiter simply replies, "So, you don't want any jaeger bombs?" See, PC is only happy when he's lounging on the beach next to JP. Or when he's sitting in a booth next to JP. Or when his pouting and cock-clocking finally result in a tender reach around and ear whisper from JP. And like the scarf tossing gay that he is, PC has a homely beard whose love for him can never be filfilled.
Jessie, on vacation in South Beach with a friend that can only be described as even less attractive than she is, calls and calls PC and smiles knowingly as she denies all feelings for her well-coiffed best friend. She knows in her heart of hearts that once PC stops his player ways and is looking to settle down he'll plant a giant ring on her finger and they'll walk down the aisle to her penthouse apartment and she'll supplant good sex and happiness for shopping sprees and botox party. And that nagging little feeling that reminds her that her hubby will probably be boinking the interior decorator is surpressed as she calls PC over and over and over again. Like a good beard does.
First off...
Sebastian, attractive because his hair resembles Lief Garret's and his attitude reminds us of that ex who gave us herpies when he cheated on us with that waitress with acrylic nails, can totally see himself falling for Taylor. Everytime he's with her she just gets cuter and cuter. You can tell he likes her because he goes all the way out to the Hamptons to visit Kelli. Yes, you read that right. He's still seeing both girls. At this point my English degree is begging me to compare Taylor to Marianne in Sense and Sensibility and Sebastian to that money-driven corrupter Mr. Dashwood but I don't know if the show that will later bring me the image of closeted PC humping a rainbow care bear as a pre-teen merits this kind of comparison. Anyway, it's obvious to the viewer that Sebastian wants the best of both worlds and that he's simply keeping Kelli on a leash because she makes sense as a partner for him. It's only a little heart piercing to watch as Kelli opens her heart and her home to Sebastian, afire with hope that he will love her more than the floors of marble and bathrooms with badays and little yippy dog ever could. But he doesn't. And then the poor dog dies and Kelli is left weeping in the cold wind at the dog cemetary with only the Spanish speaking help to pick up after her breaking heart. Seriously, I think the best part of the episode was when Kelli's botoxed mother, unable to emote herself, asks the maid if she wants to say something at the funeral, "Habla?!" Oh, white people. You are the stuff that starts Marxist revolutions.
After playing an awkward and unfulfilling games of pool with Kelli, Sebastian ventures back into the city to reunite with his one true love, Taylor. Taylor, who looks so 15 that it makes me feel all queasy inside just thinking about the things that she will do to Sebastian in order to feel like she's escaped her awful Upper West Side hell, is charming and witty as she regales the dashing Sebastian with tales of her exciting life and parables she's come to learn first hand. No--that doesn't happen. The interaction between the two is stilted and pithy as ever and you're left to wonder whether substanitive conversation takes place on their BBMs. And then you're left to feel ashamed that you're thinking about what a pair of terrible teenagers BBM each other. And that you're using the term BBM. Taylor asks Sebastian the mood-killer, "What are we?", and Sebastian's rusty head wheels turn as he thinks of what he can say to ensure a blowjob from both Taylor and his gaggle of girls on the side. He gives her no assurance that they are in a relationship and that's a-okay with Taylor, because she's got a hole in her heart that can only be filled with empty promises and being second-fiddle to the real wife who's actually in the will. The future does not look bright for squatty little Taylor.
So, she seeks the counsel of the wise and intuitive Camille whose advice has never steered anyone wrong. That sentence was, in fact, a complete lie. Camille, whose crazy eyes are especially ablaze tonight with the fire of vicarous romances and social deceit, suggests that Taylor, her ex, Sebastian and Kelli go on a date. She ensures that she's good at gossip and getting the deets and I'm sure that she actually believes that but having watches easily twenty minute of consecutive footage involving her, I know that that's not true. Camille's interrogation technique is more sledgehammer than chisel and the result is usually incredulity and disdain. That's the thing about Camille, though. She isn't merely playing the part of an over-acheiving Tracey Flick neurotic mess. She is actually bat-shit. Or she has Asbergers. Either way, her attempts to embody Blair Waldorff fail miserably. She's not pretty enough to be wanted by boys. She's not charming enough to be adored by girls. Her grades and test scores are hard won and the hours that she's poured into them has made her haggard and empty--too blue collar to be admired. Despite her attempts to climb and manipulate the social strata she has failed on all counts. The situation gets its best evidence when Camille cleans out her closet.
Unable to tackle the monumental task of deciding which clothes she ought to keep and which she out to "throw away" (I hope for the sake of my sanity that the clothes were not actually thrown away), mommy and daddy hire a stylist to choose for her. Well, Camille butts heads with the stylist. You see, the stylist wants to chuck stuff either because it is out of season (no socialista would be caught dead in a pattern recognizable from two seasons ago) or doesn't fit her style (which is a nice way of saying that Camille has no style, and choosing one for her so as to present some sort of cohesion in her mish-mashed teenage trend whore closet). Having none of that, Camille states that she, "doesn't care that it's from two seasons ago" and seeks to prove her point by assembling a disaster of an outfit featuring, get ready for it, animal print. The stylist goes along with it because she wants to get paid and Camille feels the same false sense of victory that she does every other day of her life. It makes me almost sad that Taylor has to be stuck in her still having food on the table tax bracket because she at least truly has the skills to excell in this Upper East Side world. Camille, poor Camille, does not.
Speaking of Taylor, she has a big important gymnastics meet. Her first in fact. She's even more nervous and awkward than usual and watching her bite her nails and hide her stomach in her leotard drudges up long repressed memories of my own. Memories of chin zits on picture day and never getting asked to dance. But I soldier on, muster enough strength to get through an exhaustible scene where her valient ex-boyfriend shows up to her meet supportive and Jewey and oblivious. He takes her to a vegan restaurant where Taylor, with the meta-cognitive skills of a grad student notes that she feels drawn to Ex because he does nice things for her like take her to a restaurant where she can actually eat the food. She makes Ex give her a laundry list of reasons why he's good for her, rejects them all and when asked the mood-killing question, "What are we?" the ever apt pupil simply ricochets the question, batting her eyelashes and ensuring a blowjob while also ensuring that she can give other blow jobs too. Well done, young grasshoppah.
The meat of the episode comes when we visit PC in Mexico. See, he's spending some quality time in Cancun visiting his old boarding school pal JP. I get the feeling that when they were twelve they bonded over having money and liking boobs and giving each other hand jobs. Except that PC never really liked boobs and he still thinks about those hand jobs and he changed his name from Peter to PC in order to keep the love in his heart alive for his one true love. PC doesn't like Cancun. It's dirty and trashy and, dare I say, middle-American. When some mexican girls attempt to get him to dance, at a dance club, he rejects their advances. When some Texan girls try to get him to dance, at a dance club, he rejects their advances. When a waiter dares commit the injustice of asking him whether he wants a jaeger bomb, he declares that only people in Jersey drink jaeger bombs. He will stick to his Heinekin Light, thank you very much. In a moment of pure television genius, the waiter simply replies, "So, you don't want any jaeger bombs?" See, PC is only happy when he's lounging on the beach next to JP. Or when he's sitting in a booth next to JP. Or when his pouting and cock-clocking finally result in a tender reach around and ear whisper from JP. And like the scarf tossing gay that he is, PC has a homely beard whose love for him can never be filfilled.
Jessie, on vacation in South Beach with a friend that can only be described as even less attractive than she is, calls and calls PC and smiles knowingly as she denies all feelings for her well-coiffed best friend. She knows in her heart of hearts that once PC stops his player ways and is looking to settle down he'll plant a giant ring on her finger and they'll walk down the aisle to her penthouse apartment and she'll supplant good sex and happiness for shopping sprees and botox party. And that nagging little feeling that reminds her that her hubby will probably be boinking the interior decorator is surpressed as she calls PC over and over and over again. Like a good beard does.
So You Think You Can Dance
Here are my favorite performances from this week's So You Think You Can Dance:
Brandon and Janette. Wade Robsen proves why he's a-freaking-mazing. Janette is growing on me and while she's not my fav personality-wise, I can't think of anything that this girl won't kill on the dance floor. The performance was also hailed as Grant's favorite so far this season.
Mia Michaels is a beast. This piece was about the grip of addiction and Kayla and Kupono delivered with zest. Kupono was smouldering as the personification of drugs and Kayla amazes when she's given an emotional piece. This girl is so strong and once again, I marvel at how young she is.
Evan and Randi doing hip-hop scared the shit out of me. Thankfully, Tabitha and Napolean gave them hip-hop lyte and the two little sprites did quite well. The proposal to a preggo was adorable. I love hip hop love stories.
The elminated contestants? Philip and Caitlin, which I totally saw coming.
In better news, Nigel ensured the two that although they missed making the top 10 they would be going on tour! Yay for them!
So, next week we're down to ten and the judges no longer have any say. Couples are also broken up. I'm happy for that, and hopefully people will be given something outside of their comfort zone. How about some contemporary for Janette, the latin dancer who has had 3 latin dances. Or how about hip hop for ballerina Melissa who's never been outside of her comfort zone. And I hate to say it but Evan's got to do some ballroom with a non-midget girl.
I'll be waiting with baited breath next week. Please get it right America.
Brandon and Janette. Wade Robsen proves why he's a-freaking-mazing. Janette is growing on me and while she's not my fav personality-wise, I can't think of anything that this girl won't kill on the dance floor. The performance was also hailed as Grant's favorite so far this season.
Mia Michaels is a beast. This piece was about the grip of addiction and Kayla and Kupono delivered with zest. Kupono was smouldering as the personification of drugs and Kayla amazes when she's given an emotional piece. This girl is so strong and once again, I marvel at how young she is.
Evan and Randi doing hip-hop scared the shit out of me. Thankfully, Tabitha and Napolean gave them hip-hop lyte and the two little sprites did quite well. The proposal to a preggo was adorable. I love hip hop love stories.
The elminated contestants? Philip and Caitlin, which I totally saw coming.
In better news, Nigel ensured the two that although they missed making the top 10 they would be going on tour! Yay for them!
So, next week we're down to ten and the judges no longer have any say. Couples are also broken up. I'm happy for that, and hopefully people will be given something outside of their comfort zone. How about some contemporary for Janette, the latin dancer who has had 3 latin dances. Or how about hip hop for ballerina Melissa who's never been outside of her comfort zone. And I hate to say it but Evan's got to do some ballroom with a non-midget girl.
I'll be waiting with baited breath next week. Please get it right America.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
New Show Alert!
The artist formerly known as The SciFi Channel has gotten a major makeover. It seems that network execs have done a slick, replete do-over on the station that has brought us Stargate series like NBC pumps out Law and Orders. The new cabeler (now titled SyFy) is replacing Space Operas with modern science/mystery fare (think Lost, Heroes or Fringe) and cheesy giant bug movies with epic fantasy stories (Harry Potter or Twilight). The first big attempt out of the gate premiered last night in the form of Warehouse 13.
The show is part X-Files, part Indiana Jones, part Fringe, but with income of these undertakings' Kraft Services.Therein lies the issue with Warehouse 13. The concept is there. The storylines are there. The actors are there and you can sense that the creators have hit upon something genuine. This isn't a straight Science Fiction. There are homages to the building blocks that the show is standing upon, there's a sense of humor in the writing that excuses some of the ridiculous premises or the manner in which the mysteries must be wrapped up in one episode. There is even a bit of mystery that keeps the viewer intrigued about the personal lives of the agents apart from their crazy adventures.
It just seems that the show falls a bit short. Producers had to hire the second best directors and the third best writers. Their set people are amazing but they have toothpicks and Jolly Rancher wrappers to construct things from. And the heads of the show seem to be working within a framework that only allows for creativity within the scope of previously successful ventures. The female agent, Myka Bearing, resents being placed in the gloryless sect of top secret American govenment while the male agent, Petter Lattimer, works off of gut feelings and charms the ladies (Paging Mulder and Scully). Myka is being visited by the ghost of her fellow agent/ex-boyfriend whose death she blames herself for (Fringe anyone?). Mysterious other-worldly figures with unplacable accents head organizations which seem to pull the strings (Lost all the way). And even the camera work recalls audience winners (the pan across the warehouse itself was a direct ripoff of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull).
But despite these detractions, Warehouse 13 is something that's worth watching. The storylines are fun and the seeds for bigger, overarching mysteries have been planted with zest. The actors who play the leads, as well as Saul Rubinek's Artie--in charge of the warehouse--are charming and likeable. Poorly funded cablers are some of the most interesting parts of television because without the budgets of HBO or ABC, these stations have to rely on pure creativity. I, for one, will keep watching and wait to see what the show makes of its potential. Sci-F----excuse me, SyFy's gamble just might pay off.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Fatties Dance!
Oxygen premiered its weight loss/dance competition combo "Dance Your Ass Off!" and boy, was it a whopper.
The first thing to note about the Dancing with the Biggest Loser is that it is hosted by the worst thing since Caroline Rhey. Apparently after Jerry Springer was kicked to the curb for his sub-par work on America's Got Talent, the universe had to realign its amount of terrible on television. Melissa Jaret Winokur of Hairspray and Dancing With the Stars fame is a trainwreck. She's that girl you meet at a party who won't stop drinking screwdrivers and ruining every conversation being had.
Guy 1: "Oh, man...remember that time we drew all over Dan's face!"
Guy 2: "That was so crazy!"
Guy 1: "Yeah, we were wasted."
MJW: "Oh my gog, I'm so wasted!"
Whenever I get too upset about her poly-plastered smile, I think that she probably weeps softly everynight after ritualistically eating 27 ho-hos and doing voodoo acts on Nikki Blonsky's picture. It must suck to have lost out on the movie version of the only role you'll ever be good at.
Anywho, there's dancing on the show too. The panel is composed of Mayte, the chick who used to bang Prince and Tommy Lee (we've all seen her lips tattooed to his neck), choreographer Danny Teeson (who looks like a slightly gayer Howie Mandel), and Lisa Ann Walter (from Celebracadabra--that's totally legit). Mayte tells everyone to watch their arms and Lisa Ann attempts to talk through her lip injections. Danny creepily oggles the fat men and it's all very community television.
The actual dancing is something to behold. It's strange, like watching people move in Sumo suits. I want very badly for this entry not to be about making fat jokes. It's kind of a terrible thing to do and I'd like to think that I'm better than that. However, it's hard to ingore the fact that these people doing these kinds of moves is like watching a science experiment at best. I mean, this!? This is just mean. Stop it with the costumes that I would fit into.
Disturbia is right.
The first thing to note about the Dancing with the Biggest Loser is that it is hosted by the worst thing since Caroline Rhey. Apparently after Jerry Springer was kicked to the curb for his sub-par work on America's Got Talent, the universe had to realign its amount of terrible on television. Melissa Jaret Winokur of Hairspray and Dancing With the Stars fame is a trainwreck. She's that girl you meet at a party who won't stop drinking screwdrivers and ruining every conversation being had.
Guy 1: "Oh, man...remember that time we drew all over Dan's face!"
Guy 2: "That was so crazy!"
Guy 1: "Yeah, we were wasted."
MJW: "Oh my gog, I'm so wasted!"
Whenever I get too upset about her poly-plastered smile, I think that she probably weeps softly everynight after ritualistically eating 27 ho-hos and doing voodoo acts on Nikki Blonsky's picture. It must suck to have lost out on the movie version of the only role you'll ever be good at.
Anywho, there's dancing on the show too. The panel is composed of Mayte, the chick who used to bang Prince and Tommy Lee (we've all seen her lips tattooed to his neck), choreographer Danny Teeson (who looks like a slightly gayer Howie Mandel), and Lisa Ann Walter (from Celebracadabra--that's totally legit). Mayte tells everyone to watch their arms and Lisa Ann attempts to talk through her lip injections. Danny creepily oggles the fat men and it's all very community television.
The actual dancing is something to behold. It's strange, like watching people move in Sumo suits. I want very badly for this entry not to be about making fat jokes. It's kind of a terrible thing to do and I'd like to think that I'm better than that. However, it's hard to ingore the fact that these people doing these kinds of moves is like watching a science experiment at best. I mean, this!? This is just mean. Stop it with the costumes that I would fit into.
Disturbia is right.
Monday, July 6, 2009
For Better or Worse
With summer leaving a major lull in scripted programming, I thought I'd make some fun little lists to fill the time. I must confess, I'm also totally influenced by holing up in my New Jersey love nest with my very own Desmond. So, here goes---the best, and worst, T.V. couples. (Couples had to exist on a show that was currently on the air, currently be a couple--or on and off so frequently that they might presumably be on again next week--and only one couple from each show was allowed in each category. This was good for Grey's which would have had alot of bad couples and bad for FNL whose couples are full of win.)Best:
Desmond and Penny (Lost)
The boob tube's thematic juggernaut uses this couple as its biggest chess piece when it comes to the issue of destiny. Penny, an heiress with a heart of gold, falls for the charming boy from the wrong side of the tracks. Although, dear old dad, the United kingdom military, a magical island and the space-time continuum try to keep them apart, these two find a way to be together. And create beautiful children by the way. Desmond's devotion to their love is the only thing that makes waiting ten years for a phone call make sense.
These two are the most despicable, vapid and self-congratulatory couple on television. Alone they are a spoon-fed megalomaniac and empty faith spewing bimbo respectively. Together they are everything that is wrong with youth and entertainment in this day and age. Spencer is frighteningly close to descriptions of controlling abusive boyfriend/managers and Heidi is ready at any moment to throw her loved ones and self-respect under the bus to appease the beast. They're just the worst.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Real World, Episode Dos
Episode 2 of The Real World:Cancun aired and it did not disappoint. I mean, if your definition of disappointment is feeling like your generation are doomed to become self-apologetic, depraved drones whose liver gives out only slightly before their collective brain matter turns to mush then count me disappointed. But, as you faithful readers know, I measure my happiness through reality show drama levels and not sociological generation trends, so I was exceedingly happy with this episode.
This episode is titled "Jerkface Joes and Romeos" proving that my career in copywriting hasn't taken off due to lack of talent in the stupid television show naming department.
CJ enters a hot body contest which is just about the third gayest thing that he's done so far. As he gyrates in the swirling bar lights, dog tags fluttering on his chiseled chest, one sound prevail above all of the others. It's Bronne's screams, and they are louder and more passionate than Bronne's former motherly conquest might feel comfortable with. Sure, desperate Emilee screamed. Gay Derek hollared. But Bronne, oh, Bronne looked like a beastilist in Tiujuana. I don't know, maybe he's just a supportive roommate.
Anywho, awash in the glow of Roofie Bar victory, CJ celebrates with his best bud in the way that any friends would celebrate--by telling each other how hot they are and how much, hypothetically, they'd hump the brains out of the other one. Followed by kisses. And hand-holding. And spooning. It's totes normal.
The roommates take a break from their...um...not entirely sure what it is they do beyond recouping from the night before...to find out what exactly their job is going to be. They're told that they're going to work for Student City (and we all know what that is since they've been sponsoring the get-drunk-in-a-different-location vacations for quite a few seasons now). Everyone's way excited until their boss tells them that they're not allowed to fraternize with the spring breakers (but, how is Joey supposed to fill his journal of conquests up?!) AND they're not allowed to be publicly intoxicated. The housemates react with desperation and incredulity which seems ridiculous until you step back and look at the concept of the show. MTV has actually managed to up the ante of the steadfast formula. Instead of sticking the developing alcoholics in a house brimming with booze, they stick the developing alcoholics in a house brimming with booze and tell them that if they're drunk in public they'll have to go home. Cleaver, really, given the amount of police charges filed against cast members in the past few years. It's probably much smarter to keep them in the house and drunk where there is no bartender at all to cut them off.
Time out for the funniest part of the episode. I must apologize at this time for saying that Bronne was not funny. He did something great in this episode. See, Jonna and CJ are spooning on the hammock, you know, like buds do, and she has to take a pause to call her boyfriend. So she gets up and Bronne decides that he'll put on one of her wigs and snuggle up next to CJ himself. It works until after wrapping his arm around him he gets up in his ear and says, "Mmmmm". Just like I do with my friends.
The happy couple--er--just friends, are then seen walking hand in hand while they shop for matching bracelets. It's almost cute when locals call them honeymooners until you see her talking to her boyfriend about how she's not crossing any lines and that she'll love him forever.
Here, the pair an be seen discussing how deep their friendship is and his personal virtues while he wears his cross necklace. My personal favorite romantic moment between the two was when CJ told her how great it was that as a black girl she had blue eyes. It's like all the delight of a minority with none of the mess of non-Caucasian features.
The real (taco) meat of the episode takes place after the roomies get super wasted and the tension between Ayiiia of Many Vowels and Joey of Strategically Placed Piercings comes to a head. See, Ayiiia doesn't like Joey because he's a mean boy and Joey doesn't like Ayiiia because she's "that kind" of girl. With these rock solid reasons, the two embark on a night of completely reasonable fighting. It goes something like this:
Phase 1: Ayiiia is super-wasted and asking about her purse or drink or brain that she's left behind. Joey's trying to find the last roommate because their ride is about to take off. Ayiiia starts screaming about her purse or drink or brain and Joey tells her to shut the fuck up.
Phase 2: While walking home, Ayiiia, shocked about Joey's rudeness starts screaming, "Herpies lip! At least I don't have a herpies on my lip! Herpies! Herpies! Herpies!" It's only the most mature way to deal with the situation. Also, completely founded.
Phase 3: Like a stealthy lion in the grass, Joey hunts down his pray. Finding them at their natural habitat, the local taco stand at 3 AM, he projectiles a lugie into their food source. How cunning of you rock star.
The best part of this picture, and the whole fight was watching the poor, unsuspecting taco stand guy observe as the whole shebang went down. Also, Jasmine's face in the background.
Phase 4: Back in the pent house, the girls are bitching like the girls I hated in high school. Joey, ever the improviser, tries to sooth the savage beasts with his acoustic punk pop stylings. He, of course, gets water thrown on his thousand dollar guitar. Tit for tat, just like the bible says.
Phase 5: Calm Derek tries to let the girls know that ruining an expensive prized possession kinda isn't the same as spitting in tacos. The girls tell him that he's wrong. Hmmm, I think maybe Ayiiia left her logic behind with her purse or drink or brain.
Later in the episode Jonna gets mad at CJ for trying to kiss her on the neck. It's totally different than cheek kissing. And spooning. She has a boyfriend, didn't she tell you that?
Joey actually mans up and feels like an asshole for his behavior so he apologizes to everyone involved, even commenting that while perhaps it was a bit out of hand, the retaliation part of ruining his guitar was warranted. Ayiiia, being the classy broad doesn't apologize at all and says that she's happy he realizes that he deserved it.
Next week on The Real World, girls hook up then fight. Children die in Somalia and Iran doesn't allow women to read.
Special thanks to my friend Ashley who said in a conversation this week, "Living in an all inclusive resort. It's just like the real world."
This episode is titled "Jerkface Joes and Romeos" proving that my career in copywriting hasn't taken off due to lack of talent in the stupid television show naming department.
CJ enters a hot body contest which is just about the third gayest thing that he's done so far. As he gyrates in the swirling bar lights, dog tags fluttering on his chiseled chest, one sound prevail above all of the others. It's Bronne's screams, and they are louder and more passionate than Bronne's former motherly conquest might feel comfortable with. Sure, desperate Emilee screamed. Gay Derek hollared. But Bronne, oh, Bronne looked like a beastilist in Tiujuana. I don't know, maybe he's just a supportive roommate.
Anywho, awash in the glow of Roofie Bar victory, CJ celebrates with his best bud in the way that any friends would celebrate--by telling each other how hot they are and how much, hypothetically, they'd hump the brains out of the other one. Followed by kisses. And hand-holding. And spooning. It's totes normal.
The roommates take a break from their...um...not entirely sure what it is they do beyond recouping from the night before...to find out what exactly their job is going to be. They're told that they're going to work for Student City (and we all know what that is since they've been sponsoring the get-drunk-in-a-different-location vacations for quite a few seasons now). Everyone's way excited until their boss tells them that they're not allowed to fraternize with the spring breakers (but, how is Joey supposed to fill his journal of conquests up?!) AND they're not allowed to be publicly intoxicated. The housemates react with desperation and incredulity which seems ridiculous until you step back and look at the concept of the show. MTV has actually managed to up the ante of the steadfast formula. Instead of sticking the developing alcoholics in a house brimming with booze, they stick the developing alcoholics in a house brimming with booze and tell them that if they're drunk in public they'll have to go home. Cleaver, really, given the amount of police charges filed against cast members in the past few years. It's probably much smarter to keep them in the house and drunk where there is no bartender at all to cut them off.Time out for the funniest part of the episode. I must apologize at this time for saying that Bronne was not funny. He did something great in this episode. See, Jonna and CJ are spooning on the hammock, you know, like buds do, and she has to take a pause to call her boyfriend. So she gets up and Bronne decides that he'll put on one of her wigs and snuggle up next to CJ himself. It works until after wrapping his arm around him he gets up in his ear and says, "Mmmmm". Just like I do with my friends.
The happy couple--er--just friends, are then seen walking hand in hand while they shop for matching bracelets. It's almost cute when locals call them honeymooners until you see her talking to her boyfriend about how she's not crossing any lines and that she'll love him forever.
Here, the pair an be seen discussing how deep their friendship is and his personal virtues while he wears his cross necklace. My personal favorite romantic moment between the two was when CJ told her how great it was that as a black girl she had blue eyes. It's like all the delight of a minority with none of the mess of non-Caucasian features.The real (taco) meat of the episode takes place after the roomies get super wasted and the tension between Ayiiia of Many Vowels and Joey of Strategically Placed Piercings comes to a head. See, Ayiiia doesn't like Joey because he's a mean boy and Joey doesn't like Ayiiia because she's "that kind" of girl. With these rock solid reasons, the two embark on a night of completely reasonable fighting. It goes something like this:
Phase 1: Ayiiia is super-wasted and asking about her purse or drink or brain that she's left behind. Joey's trying to find the last roommate because their ride is about to take off. Ayiiia starts screaming about her purse or drink or brain and Joey tells her to shut the fuck up.
Phase 2: While walking home, Ayiiia, shocked about Joey's rudeness starts screaming, "Herpies lip! At least I don't have a herpies on my lip! Herpies! Herpies! Herpies!" It's only the most mature way to deal with the situation. Also, completely founded.
Phase 3: Like a stealthy lion in the grass, Joey hunts down his pray. Finding them at their natural habitat, the local taco stand at 3 AM, he projectiles a lugie into their food source. How cunning of you rock star.
The best part of this picture, and the whole fight was watching the poor, unsuspecting taco stand guy observe as the whole shebang went down. Also, Jasmine's face in the background.Phase 4: Back in the pent house, the girls are bitching like the girls I hated in high school. Joey, ever the improviser, tries to sooth the savage beasts with his acoustic punk pop stylings. He, of course, gets water thrown on his thousand dollar guitar. Tit for tat, just like the bible says.
Phase 5: Calm Derek tries to let the girls know that ruining an expensive prized possession kinda isn't the same as spitting in tacos. The girls tell him that he's wrong. Hmmm, I think maybe Ayiiia left her logic behind with her purse or drink or brain.
Later in the episode Jonna gets mad at CJ for trying to kiss her on the neck. It's totally different than cheek kissing. And spooning. She has a boyfriend, didn't she tell you that?Joey actually mans up and feels like an asshole for his behavior so he apologizes to everyone involved, even commenting that while perhaps it was a bit out of hand, the retaliation part of ruining his guitar was warranted. Ayiiia, being the classy broad doesn't apologize at all and says that she's happy he realizes that he deserved it.
Next week on The Real World, girls hook up then fight. Children die in Somalia and Iran doesn't allow women to read.
Special thanks to my friend Ashley who said in a conversation this week, "Living in an all inclusive resort. It's just like the real world."
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Television Producers Beware.
Here's my beef with So You Think You Can Dance this season. I suspect that producers have finally caught on to the fact that the fans of this show (and there are a lot now) do not like to see people fail. Unlike American Idol or Survivor, SYTYCD fans genuinely like to watch good dancing. And when millions of people are tuning in to watch something, and it's making advertisers pay you insane amounts of money to run their ads on your program, you give them what they want to watch. That's fine, I suppose, as a fan of the show. I too like to watch the dancers succeed. The problem is that the basis of the show is competition. Theoretically the "good" dancers are rooted out from the "bad" based on their ability to perform in a myriad of dance styles. No one is arguing that Philip is an amazing Hip Hop dancer but we'd like to see him dancing contemporary and see how he does. So far, he's been given Hip Hop twice. In four weeks. And that Pas de Deux which, admittedly, is one of the most beautiful things I have seen on the show was given to a classically trained ballerina. Just so that it wouldn't fail. I'd like to see Melissa try her hand at Hip Hop because I'm about 165% sure she would fail miserably.
I suppose I should stop complaining that reality television is not reality. I hasn't been for more than a decade now. But seriously. I expect more of you So You Think You Can Dance. Even if you are on Fox.
I suppose I should stop complaining that reality television is not reality. I hasn't been for more than a decade now. But seriously. I expect more of you So You Think You Can Dance. Even if you are on Fox.
My Fav Performances on SYTYCD This Week
Jeanine and Philip kill it on a hip hop number. BB gurl almost tripped on that chain but it looked gooooood.
Maybe I just love these two, because the judges gave them a bit of flack, but I really, really liked this piece.
Kayla and Kupono dancing to mohawk's weirdo vampire piece. I love weird ass contemporary.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
NYC Prep
In the newest installment on 'NYC Prep', awkward teenagers are awkward.
PC is on the hunt for a girl, not just a casual hook-up but real, live girl who he can talk to about clothes and money and how petty high school is. So he gets set up on a blind date by his friend (who is 25, what kind of a 25 year old is hanging out with some boy in high school???) and the girl doesn't show up. It's actually really sad watching consistently smug and conceited PC broken.
Meanwhile, Jessie's fat friend is having a birthday party. Everyone's invited and no one seems to be talking to birthday girl. It's kind of sad.
But I've gotten ahead of myself. See, Kelly is still desperately seeking Sebastian but he seems to have only eyes for Taylor. It's all pretty gross once you think about how young these girls are and the lengths that they'll go to to hook up with a skeezy, charmless cad. Did I mention charmless, because this kid is like a piece of cardboard.
As an aside, can we discuss Camille's, for lack of a better word, strangeness? Aside from the physical ticks that make me feel awkward just watching, there is an uncomfortable desperation about her. Everyone is sort of desperate on this show. Desperate to be witty and charming and important just like Mommy and Daddy or those people on that Gossip Girl show they pretend so diligently not to watch. But Camille, oh Camille. She takes the cake. Camille, whose emotional fragility has made her almost transparent, looks to be the type of girl who you heard about finally exploding one night in high school after drinking five Mike's Hard Lemonades and having a sophomore with pock-faced skin throw up on her. Except Camille is disappointed in her nearly perfect SAT scores and she's got more money than she knows what to do with and no boys ever, ever, ever pay attention to her. Not even pock-faced sophomores. Oh, to be thrown up on. I predict that Camille will have a mental breakdown at some point this season. At some point in her life? She'll end up doing a line off of a toilet stall in Port Authority while trying to find her way back to the VIP booth at The Hawiian Tropic Bar.
In next week's episode: PC GETS CALLED OUT FOR BEING BISEXUAL. FOR REAL.
PC is on the hunt for a girl, not just a casual hook-up but real, live girl who he can talk to about clothes and money and how petty high school is. So he gets set up on a blind date by his friend (who is 25, what kind of a 25 year old is hanging out with some boy in high school???) and the girl doesn't show up. It's actually really sad watching consistently smug and conceited PC broken.
Meanwhile, Jessie's fat friend is having a birthday party. Everyone's invited and no one seems to be talking to birthday girl. It's kind of sad.
But I've gotten ahead of myself. See, Kelly is still desperately seeking Sebastian but he seems to have only eyes for Taylor. It's all pretty gross once you think about how young these girls are and the lengths that they'll go to to hook up with a skeezy, charmless cad. Did I mention charmless, because this kid is like a piece of cardboard.
As an aside, can we discuss Camille's, for lack of a better word, strangeness? Aside from the physical ticks that make me feel awkward just watching, there is an uncomfortable desperation about her. Everyone is sort of desperate on this show. Desperate to be witty and charming and important just like Mommy and Daddy or those people on that Gossip Girl show they pretend so diligently not to watch. But Camille, oh Camille. She takes the cake. Camille, whose emotional fragility has made her almost transparent, looks to be the type of girl who you heard about finally exploding one night in high school after drinking five Mike's Hard Lemonades and having a sophomore with pock-faced skin throw up on her. Except Camille is disappointed in her nearly perfect SAT scores and she's got more money than she knows what to do with and no boys ever, ever, ever pay attention to her. Not even pock-faced sophomores. Oh, to be thrown up on. I predict that Camille will have a mental breakdown at some point this season. At some point in her life? She'll end up doing a line off of a toilet stall in Port Authority while trying to find her way back to the VIP booth at The Hawiian Tropic Bar.
In next week's episode: PC GETS CALLED OUT FOR BEING BISEXUAL. FOR REAL.
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