True Blood

What the heck is going on in True Blood. There is some kind of a minotaur running around scratching people's backs and that rich lady is throwing hedonism parties and vampire Eric is camping out outside of Lafayette's house.

There are only a few things that I have figured out:

1. Whatever that bull thing is killed that witch doctor in the first episode.

2. That rich lady has been around a long ass time. Longer than any of the vampires we know. I'd say Greco-Roman times based on her style of hair/dress and her decorating style.

Things I'm speculating about:

1. Either rich lady or the kid she's trying to fix Tara up with are the Minotaur. Maybe he's the monster and she needs to breed him every thousand years or so. Maybe she is and it's feeding time. Either way, if the scratch marks on Sookie's back really were a kill strategy like the kimodo dragon, how did that crappy waitress live to have them healed. Did she turn into one of them? Is she going to kill nice bartender/dog guy???

2. That bull thing has to be what took/killed that other Sheriff right? Or maybe the crazy Christians did.

3. Christian fundamentalist lady is about to get it on with Sookie's brother. All that talk about her pudding last night was hilarious.

And without further ado, Lafayette and Eric being the HBIC's.

Harper's Island

So, my favorite new couple, Chloe and Cal bit the dust last episode. As did island natives Nicki and Shane.

This further confirms my suspicions that Henry is the other killer.

The previews are trying to point toward Jimmy but I don't think that's true.

Two week hiatus and then we'll find out!!!

Old News...Sorry Guys...

Winner of 'I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here'

Lou Diamond Phillips



Eliminated from SYTYCD Last Week:

The Real World: Cancun

Last season's series of The Real World was a return to early-90's form for the network that broke ground with their documentary series profiling twenty-somethings dealing with young adult issues such as AIDS, abortion, sexuality and race. This season, I see that MTV missed what the series had become in the late-90's--a cesspool of sex, binge-drinking and petty drama which highlights and glorifies all that is terrible about people my age. The Real World: Cancun.

Without further introduction, here is the cast...through my eyes:

Derek

According to his bio, Derek is the resident nice guy of the group. Read: boring. This isn't all too shocking given the fact that Derek is also gay. See, MTV will only allow gay cast members if they fit into three categories: 1) angry and violent 2)bitchy and dramatic 3)boring as all hell. In the first episode, Derek can be seen reading a book and staying far away from drama. How upsetting for MTV producers who chose Cancun as a location based solely on its potential for debauchery. Don't worry guys, it looks like at some point the roommates find Derek blacked out of a sidewalk somewhere. If you feed it enough booze it will do something stupid and bring you ratings. That's how that saying goes, right?

Jonna

It's girl with weird name! Ahhh, how Real World Casting peeps love weird names. Look at this girl. I mean, she's not totally fug but, is she the hottie of the house???? The boys seem to think so. Must be all of the slutty clothes, pounds of makeup and tattoos and piercings. It's like, boys are so stupid you can follow a formula to get them to want to sleep with you. Not have a relationship with you, but sleep with you plenty. I'm sure that won't be happening though because she has a boyfriend at home who she's totally committed to. I mean, she got a diamond implanted into her finger to serve as a promise piercing! That is both badass and means forever. Err-- maybe just until the second episode.

Joey

Joey claims that he wants to be playing stadiums where thousands of twelve-year-old girls are screaming his name and wearing his t-shirt. That's not quite as creepy as the manner in which he calculatingly documents the one night stand he has just enjoyed on his second night in the house. Joey's a future rock star. You know so because he's got tattoos and he's an asshole. Also, he probably has a drinking problem with just goes to show how responsible that casting office is. I'm sure it won't be a problem in Cancun, Mexico.

Jasmine

Jasmine is the kind of girl I want to like. She's also the kind of girl who walks into a room saying that she may be five feet tall and 95 pounds but not to mess with her. She seems nice and fun enough but with MTV's proclivity toward vilifying black women on this show and the fact that the house is chock full of bitches, I'm sure there's about to be a girlfight.

CJ

Oh, CJ. Did the casting directors find you in the NFL scouting report or picking up chicks at the local Phi Delt? In CJ's intro video he claims that coming out of college he was the fourth best punter in the nation, which is kind of like saying you're Beyonce's fourth favorite back-up dancer. Nobody cares. You're not a real football player. CJ had a girlfriend coming into the house but that soon ended after he cuddled with another girl. What was he supposed to do??? Sleep on one of the giant couches or plethora of unused beds in the house??? After dumping the girl back home on her ass, he asserts his new found freedom in the way that any masculine football player would. By getting his hair done. And asking everyone if it looks good.

Emilee

Note to parents: If you spell your daughter's name with an 'I' or 'E' where there ought to be a 'Y', you will raise an obnoxious twit with debilitatingly low self esteem. She may or may not work at Hooters. The first thing that comes out of Emilee's mouth is that she thinks she is Facebook friends with CJ. The second is that she doesn't go to school, she just works at Hooters. The hits just keep on coming from there as she becomes flustered with Joey about making fun of her because she works at Hooters (he never did that) and becomes flustered at CJ because she feels guilty about their impeding romance (it isn't going to happen). It seems that the pressure of not being the hot girl in the house (BUT I WORK AT HOOTERS!!!) is making Emilee a little delusional. Ah, the stuff that TV dreams are made of.

Bronne

Bronne, like the paper towel. He's supposed to be funny. Like Issac except that, um, he isn't really funny. He's loud and he certainly gesticulates wildly but if volume equals funny then some people ought to think Dane Cook is funny. Oh...they do?...my bad. I like Bronne actually. Why? Because after CJ spoons another girl all night long pissing his girlfriend off, Bronne calmly explains that it's normal for the girlfriend to have been pissed. Also, he totally made out with that chick's mom. That was not hot.

Ayiiia

There are a lot of vowels in this girl's name. And that's not even if you count the 'Y'. I guess she won a contest to be on the show. Thousands of people voted to have her be on the show and why not? Her bio claims that she is a former drug addict and cutter. That can only mean good things when she has to live with seven unbalanced people and a constant supply of booze. She seems cool I guess. Apparently there's going to be a fight next episode involving her. I bet the production staff never saw this coming.

Yay!

The Real Housewives of Orange County premieres July 30th!

Kim AND NeNe are returning. It's about to get dramatic up in here!

Harper's Island Update

It's a wonder that I don't talk about this show more often because it's easily my favorite on T.V. right now. In the vacuous lull that is summer television, it's easy to forget that there is original content being broadcast on network television that isn't ridiculous reality television. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love ridiculous reality television. It's just nice to have a scripted drama to fall back on. And I hope that this one is doing well because the thirteen-week mini-series event is sort of the perfect solution for the awkward amount of time between the stop and start of T.V. season.

Since we last spoke about the ill-fated wedding party and native islanders, lots more blood has been shed and tons more clues to the mystery have been revealed.

So, the death toll?


Beth, the college best friend of Trish and bridesmaid was just found in pieces
in the underground tunnels beneath the hotel. Yet another reason not to venture off on your own when there's a killer on the loose.
Hunter, Trish's college ex was paid by dear old dad to try and break up the wedding. He was even paid a huge sum, which he promptly tried to take off of the island. Too bad his boat was rigged with a shotgun set to shoot him in the face. It was such a pretty mug too.

J.D., Henry's creepy, sadistic brother was accused of the murders and even locked up for the crimes. But when he escaped jail he ended up being the one killed. The groom, Henry, was found bloody next to his body with scratches on his arms and no recollection of what had happened. Sounds a little fishy to me.

Booth; After finding the boat full of money and Hunter's brains, the groomsmen decide that burying the money and sinking the boat is the best way to prevent incrimination. Booth draws the small straw and has to head out into the woods to dig a hole. Broke Malcolm finds him, scares him bad enough that Booth shoots himself and he bleeds out in the woods. Turns out that hole he dug was for himself.

Katherine Wellington died one of the most frustrating deaths yet. While waiting for the state police to arrive, everyone else spreads out like an idiot. Katherine stays put in the green room. Someone sneaks behind her with a pair of garden shears and stabs her in the back. I suppose that's what she gets for sleeping with her stepdaughter's husband.
Kelly's death was originally determined to be a suicide. The often depressed, tattooed girl was found hanging in her house and had never really gotten over her parents being murdered by Wakefield. But J.D. who had a thing for Kelly, and Abby, who had just invited her to stay with her back on the mainland suspected otherwise. They were right.
Lucy, the fellow rich girl, was one of Trish's bridesmaids. To be honest, she died so long ago and with such small fanfare that I can barely remember her. She fell into a hole somewhere in the forest but her annoying dog can still be found yapping around from time to time.

Maggie, the sweet and helpful caretaker at The Candlewick Inn, thought that she was exempt from Wakefield's madness. That was before she was hanging from a noose outside The Cannery. The best part is that she's still freaking hanging there.

Malcolm wanted to keep all that money Daddy gave to Hunter to bail himself out of debt. He got Booth killed in the process and after his buddies found out, he took the money down to the boiler to burn the evidence. Malcolm was the one who got pushed into the fire.



Richard, the kinky, father-in-law despising husband of Trish's sister Shea and father of Madison, was a prime suspect when Trish's dad was killed. He was absolved of the crime when he was found split in half and hanging on a tree by a whale spade.


Sheriff Mills is the estranged father of Abbie. He also was the main suspect in the murders---I mean, that attic full of Wakefield memorabilia and Madison claiming that he took her were pretty incriminating. Turns out the kid lied and Abbie had to watch as Wakefield hung another of her parents up to dry.
Thomas Wellington died what was arguably the coolest death in the show. As Abbie hit the lights at the wedding rehearsal the chandelier above the alter came crashing down and a whale spade split Wellington's cranium in half. In front of everyone.
Uncle Marty was the kind of sleazebag you like to have around if stuff goes down. So, it's unfortunate that he bit the dust so early. Cut in half after he fell through a bridge, his halves were then hung up in trees. How intricate.
Cousin Ben, who we never got to meet because he was tied up and sent hacking by the propeller of the boat on the way to the island.

So, who's left?


Bride and groom Trish and Henry, narrator Abby and main squeeze Jimmy, groomsmen Chris and Danny, bridesmaid Chloe and her English beau Cal, Trish's sister Shea and her daughter Madison, and islanders Nikki and Shane.

So, whodunnit?

Wakefield was revealed at the end of the last episode in the flesh, so we know that he is at least partially at fault. But he surely couldn't have done it all by himself. With the reveal of a mystery child by Wakefield and Abby's mother, my money's on Abby's long lost bro or sis being the culprit. My guesses? Islander Nikki or bridegroom Henry---what exactly happened to his parents anyhow?

Michael Emerson FTW.

New Obsession...

Grant has extra special movie tiers on his cable and subsequently, I get to enjoy cable T.V. shows. There are a few differences between cable and broadcast T.V. The first is creative scope, on cable network execs feel like they can greenlight much more adventurous programming. The second is boobs, just gratuitous boobs all over the place.

Well, I've fallen in love with True Blood.

Based on the literature of Charlaine Harris, Alan Ball (Six Feet Under) has constructed a succulent world situated in the Southern town of Bon Temps, Louisiana where the societal divide between Vampire and Humans takes shape in the lives of members of both communities. The beauty of the show is that we get to hear both sides of the story. Ball and his team of writers were sure to consciously create a narrative style which highlights the intentions and actions of many characters as opposed to the singular POV that the books had provided. The program is one part character study, one part biting social commentary. And oh yeah, one part freaking vampires biting people and shit.

What I like best is the inhumanity of both worlds. It would have been easy for the story to have focused on the integration of Vampires into Human society (Japanese scientists have recently developed synthetic blood making it possible for Vampires to exist without, you know, killing some fools), but where's the drama in that? Bell went the Malcolm X route and ignored all of that boring pacifism junk. The vampires that we see, for the most part, are violent and hungry---not for some lame synthetic blood but for the rush of human blood. And the thrill that killing one gets you.

There are, of course, "good" vampires, represented in the form of 173 year old Bill Compton whose heroic demeanor and determination not to kill humans capture the heart of cleavage-loving, mind-reading waitress Sookie Stackhouse. It's a May/December love story in the best kind of way.

Not of that tickles your fancy? Well, what if I told you that Lafayette---the webcam dancing, fabulously gay, killin' it in a turban human---is in huge trouble with the Vampire community for dealing "V" a drug made from vampire blood that gets you totally high? Or that Sookie's brother, who totally got hooked on V from Lafayette now feels guilty about the death of his junkie girlfriend and wants to make reparations by joining Fellowship of the Sun Church where they practice pseudo fire-and-brimstone Christianity that also happens to preach anti-vampire propaganda like "no special rights for dead people"? Or that bar owning Sam is a shapeshifter who commonly takes the shape of doggies? They are some really cute doggies.

Teresa falls up the stairs, Teresa falls down the stairs...

Could Shannon be Coming back to Lost?

We already know that Claire will be coming back as a series regular next season, but could Maggie Grace be taking a trip back from the dead? She recently said the cryptic,""I'm looking forward to visiting Hawaii soon. I don't know why..." she said.
Grace did not divulge if her trip to the area was work or pleasure-related.
She added: "I think that they are brilliant writers. If they found the right reason, then I'm sure I would be on."

Exciting news I guess? I dunno, if we're bringing back a dead character I vote Faraday or by BB Juliet.

Fuuuhhhgeddaboutit!

While I am typing, I'm watching the one-hour "Last Supper" special of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. This season's finale, hands down, was the best piece of drama of any House Wives ever.

Danielle, the over-botoxed could-be-former-prostitute, raises haaaiiill about the infamous book. In the middle of a nice dinner. With children in the room.

Basically Danielle went up against the family, accused little sister Dina of what she claimed were grievous perpetrations, and grandstanded at the wrong place at the wrong time. P.S., we didn't need to hear about your diarrhea.

The family shot her down, big sister Caroline point blank told her that she was the one who told people about the book (hell yeah, HBIC!), and the responsible adults ushered the children out of the room (why the hell did this woman allow her children to stay in the room?!).

Lemme tell you a'somethin about my family. We're thick as thieves.

The thing is, the book was public information. It's available to anyone with a library card and it contains some pretty suspect behavior on Danielle's part. If it's all really lies, why not sue for defamation---I certainly would take issue with someone who, out of nowhere, called me a drug trafficking prostitute. Given the logic that the information in the book is in all probability partially true, I think that it's perfectly logical to show people who I know that they are dealing with bad, bad people. I don't care if it happened 25 years ago.

But if you really have an issue with the behavior, there is a time and a place for that kind of confrontation. That time and place was not a nice ass dinner party with children at it. I mean, there were fresh oysters there for shit's sake.

Please refer to the gif below.



Seriously, what's the point in dating a 26-year-old if he looks 40?

Minus Jon and Kate Plus 8

I'm about to make a bold statement about Jon and Kate Plus 8. The TLC ratings coup that is the psuedo-documentary/reality show formerly known as America's sweetheart is a microcosmic representation of all that is good, bad, and anything in between about society today.

Viewers by the millions have tuned in for seasons to watch just how these parents (Jon, a software programmer, and Kate, a stay-at-home-mom) would tackle the challenges of multiple multiples. And while their circumstances pushed the boundaries of extenuating to its precipice, we loved them because we saw ourselves in them. Unabashedly Type-A, Kate handled the stresses of dealing with an octuplet of crying children with aplomb. But it was her faults---she snipped at Jon a litte too easily, carrying her sextuplets had left her stomach looking like a pile of pizza dough, her modest house was small and plain but full of love and determination---that made her fun to watch. Jon, balding, pudgy and often steamrolled by his dominant wife seemed truly dedicated to his family. The fact that the two of them were open about their faults and struggles made us, the American viewer, feel like we weren't so alone.

Although cynical critics began to cry wolf and point to these inadequacies as ineptitude leading to an inevitable familial demise, our Gosslins kept trucking. And as the scope of the seasons began to change (Disney sponsored vacations, plastic surgery and the construction of a giant new house were featured story-lines), we stuck with these people and their lives because we asked ourselves whether we too would take advantage of the freebies if we were offered. If our faith in the family ever wavered we could think back to the TLC special where we first met the couple, fresh-faced and almost frightened considering what the future held for them.

In the past few months that future has unfolded in a very public way. Rumors of infidelity, separate living quarters and even child abuse have graced the pages of nearly every tabloid glossy on the newsstands. Both parties have released statements and made appearances of television and the paparazzi is a staple outside of the Gosslin house as often as it is one of the Hiltons'. What used to be a reassuring mirror into our own faltered lives has become a living, breathing example of everything fake and manufactured in our world. Norman Rockwell just sold out to US Weekly and the rest of America is left feeling more than a little let down.

But it isn't too late. The illusion of apple pie and dinner ready by 5 every night was always just an illusion. What we loved about Jon and Kate wasn't the guise of perfection, it was the openness with which they embraced their faults. It was the quiet strength that they, as with so many other families across America, carried on in the face of situational hardship, marital strife and the constant squack-box talk of the death of American family values. It isn't too late to come home from the book tour. It isn't too late to quit the show. It isn't too late to sit down in the living room with a person you loved enough to commit your life to and start a family with and assess the blessings you have been given.

This week's episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 is one-hour long and features a special announcement. Whether that means divorce or separation one can only postulate at this point. Whatever happens, perhaps what we can learn from this whole journey is not to look into the television for a reflection of family values but to be strong enough to look within ourselves.

My Favorite SYTYCD Performances...

Well folks, it was a lackluster week but here are my favorites...

Asuka and Vitolio---Not the biggest fan of these two or the waltz, and it may be emotional pandering but it was a good ass performance.



Caitlin and Jason---(Little Miss gymnast looking sassy)



Karla and Jonathan---(This girl is 18! She, apparently, can do no wrong)

NYC Prep

I don't know that I'll be speaking much about this show in the future. I can't decide if it's car wreck interesting or the 7th sign. I mean, as a professional television journalist of course I'll be tuning in, but I may not give it a platform in the future.

The thing about the show is that I hate the people on it. And I don't mean Spencer Pratt love-to-hate, I mean that I hate them. People like these kids---self-aggrandizing, entitled, important for absolutely no reason but cosmically gifted with the destiny of having more money, power and opportunity than every good human being I have ever known---make me ill. I feel conflicted about my negative feelings. They are, after all, children. Is it fair for me to judge the actions of teenagers? Is it fair for me to criticize those who choose a path of wrong perhaps simply because they know no other route? At any rate, my gut emotional reaction to these people and their "lives" was disgust.

The premise of the show is touted to be a real-life Gossip Girl. Much like the inception of Laguna Beach (which called itself "the real O.C.), the reality show follows the extra-curricular lives of privileged teens. But what we come to find out is that the Upper East Side is a much different beast than the beaches of Orange County. Where money was a background player in Laguna---LC's house was insane and these girls had more clothes than any real person could have dreamed of in high school---the almighty dollar is a loud and proud castmember in NYC. The money worship is pervasive. There literally isn't a cut-away interview where money/wealth isn't mentioned.

I suppose the best thing to do in this situation is to accept the truth of the story. These people are real and however troubling their words are, they are indicative of how they really feel and live. And although that's troubling at best, it's what art ought to be...truth.

Al Roker lays the smack down.

Daisy of Love drama.

This video is terrible quality, but I think all you really need to know is that *Fox* has to explain his way out of his girlfriend calling the house. Captioned below for your reading pleasure.



"What happened was, I did live with a girlfriend at the time, when it was my perfect opportunity, BUT, knowing the fact that, you know, I found that Daisy, you know, highly astonishing...."

Congrats Jacqueline!

Congratulations are in order for Jacqueline from Real Housewives of New Jersey. The adorably naive one amongst Jersey wolves whose fertility issues have been one of the storylines on Bravo's newest season welcomed a baby boy yesterday.

Congrats again! Now stay away from Danielle, bitch is crazy.

I'm a Celebrity... Elimination

America voted to send one person home from the jungle last night and I am so bummed!



Daniel Baldwin, the fat, coked-out Mary Carey loving, Celebrity Rehab and Celebrity Boot-Camp drop-out Baldwin, was sent packing. The bottom three were Patti, John and Daniel.

It was fairly obvious that John was ready to go home, and disappointed that he wasn't given his wish. If I had gotten mine, the Blahgovich PR machine would have gone home and I wouldn't have to see her crying about how she and her husband have been such victims. Turns out you're both crooks and deserve to be treated as such.

The producers/editors were really scrounging this week and tried to belie a showmance between Holly and Sanjaya. Something tells me that that just isn't possible.

In other news, Janice is a huge bitch and needs to keep her urine outside of the camp premises. That's just gross Lady.

Who went home on SYTYCD?

America voted, and in my opinion they got it right...

The bottom 3 couples were,

Paris and Tony




Asuka and Vitolio




Karla and Jonathan




They danced for their lives and nothing was particularly impressive. Let's start with the boys. Vitoio's solo was the best. Lots of turns and leaps. The judges recognized that he was the most technically impressive and said that he was safe first. Tony's solo was dreadful. Jonathan's was full of gymnastic displays but sorely lacking in dance. In the end, Tony was sent packing.

Moving onto the girls, Karla was told that she was safe first. Her solo, while technically impressive (the extension on the chick is balls out), it lacked an over-all flow and any spirit. Still, she was the best, technically, so the judges told her she was safe. Between Paris and Asuka, Paris clearly had the better solo. Askua's was uninspired and technically unimpressive. However, when Nigel said that he was basing his decision on many things, among them the dancers' main dance styles, Paris knew it was over. Basically, since there are lots of contemporary dancers in the competition right now and no ballroom dancers, Asuka was safe and Paris went home.

I understand the logic but, honestly, I don't think that Asuka has anything to offer beyond her own field. I'm a little more than very upset.

Also, will all of my picks be immediately eliminated???? Only time will tell.

SYTYCD Favorite Performances...

Philip and Jeanine kicked off the night with an awesome hip-hop number. The story was adorable and they really got into character. I think she's one of my favorite girls now.



My BB Evan being all sexy and stuff. Cuuuuuuuute.



Okay, I don't really know who Ashley is but she was hella cute. I also don't know who Kupono is but he was super adorable as the paranoid crash test dummy. Leave it to kid wonder Wade Robson to create an awesome concept piece. Freaking cool.



Oh, hey hottie poor girl. You lookin pretty cute in pink.

Little J

This girl is 15. What the hell is wrong with her parents????

Lulz

Myleene Klass, the PopStars contestant turned I'm a Celebrity (Britain) runner-up, turned I'm a Celebrity (American) host has just made this show that much better.

It's being reported that Klass used some heavy duty insect repellent in her hotel room--so heavy duty in fact that it had a chemical reaction with the veneer on the bed posts and turned adhesive. The Brit was then found screaming for help by the hotel staff as she had glued herself to her bed.

Oh, the sweet, sweet laughter.

Next Real World house is in...

Washington, D.C.

The rumors are true. Filming will begin this summer in this beautiful house in our nation's capital. Will it be a politically charged season? Will castmates get drunk and make-out/fight/sleep/express racist thoughts towards each other? Only time will tell.

So You Think You Can Dance Top 20

In anticipation of tonight's episode of So You Think You Can Dance (Top 20 ya'll!), I offer you my favorites so far...

Caitlin Kinney



Included this video because it featured her sister Megan too. Hope she makes it next year, I'll miss seeing her dance.

Paris Torres



I will forgive that chin and the fact that she totally ripped her choreography off. It was just too good.

Kayla Radomski



I love a good poor girl makes good story.


Tony Bellissimo



He's so cute and he's actually really good at other styles. I'm a sucker for funny.

Brandon Bryant



Oh, no he did NOT just do that and look all masculine.

Evan Kasprzak



I have a crush.

So excited for tonight guys! Who do you like?

A Note on a The Death of Analog

If you own an analog television, do not have cable and have not gotten your converter box, you only have two days to do so. You are also an idiot.

Congress passed a law that all signals transmitted by television stations had to be digital. Why did they do this? Well, a lot of stations had already made the transition. Digital transmissions are sharper and more efficient. They also use less airwaves---this is the key point. Now, the guvment will tell you that these airwaves are being freed up for altruistic uses like emergency phone lines and saving burning puppies. And that's true, some of the freed up airwaves will be used for boyscout purposes. Most will be auctioned to the highest bidder in order to be used in newly developed technologies. I'm sure congressmen all over the place got kick-backs from television companies and somewhere some senator's son is impregnating an underage girl in a sports car purchased using television lobbyist bucks. It's a beautiful world we live in people.

But that law, necessary or not, was passed a looooooong time ago. I myself have viewed over 70,000 commercials featuring old people who look about ready to shit their Depends asking questions about analog conversion boxes and warning the rest of us to make the switch. You've had plenty of time.

I guess the most amazing thing that I'll come away from this knowing is that our legislative branch spent time on, passed a law allocating millions of dollars toward (each American household is entitled to a $40 coupon for an analog conversion box), and required the advancement of television technology. Whether or not the bill was necessary or even amoral pales in comparison to the realization that television has entwined itself with American Life so thoroughly that a change to the art form requires government mandate.

That's the big time, folks. I think T.V.'s here to stay.

Futurama!

There have been grumblings on the intertoobs for years of Futurama being picked up by Comedy Central which, up until this point, have resulted in only Fry-based movies but now comes news that CC has ordered 26 new episodes to be aired over two seasons! Drink to that Bender.

Getting Excited For The CW Fall Lineup!

Wish I were going to Comic-Con!

Will Be At Comic Con 2009 :

The Big Bang Theory
Chuck
Psych
Ghost Whisperer
Flash Forward
Fringe
Lost
V
True Blood
Dexter
Supernatural - ( Team WWK over at E! says this panel is set for Sunday )
Eastwick
Human Target
Vampire Diaries
Smallville
Past Life
MythBusters

WAY ABOVE Maybe But Not 100% Confirmed:

Bones
24
Dollhouse (Pleaseeeee!!!!!!)

Will NOT Be At Comic Con 2009:

I know, what a tease! I promised I wouldn't say who, but there is at least one big show that won't be taking their annual trip to Comic Con this year.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia ( Won't be doing a panel, but trying to arrange a signing on the floor )

The Mentalist :(

So, what does that mean for us??? Well, I bet we'll find out for sure whether or not Dominick Moynahan is going to be on Flash Forward. Perhaps, if we're lucky, we'll hear something about Alpha for next season. Lost is sure to release another viral video to tide us over until January (that hurts to type) and maybe my BB Jonathan Jackson will show up to promote Fringe. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

An Ode to Harper's Island...

I love the CBS mini-series event Harper's Island. It's basically a horror movie spread out and broken up into one hour episodes for our viewing pleasure. It's a (to my knowledge) untried format which I hope is doing pretty well. It's all the shock and intrigue of who killed Laura Palmer with none of the creepy midgets and the added satisfaction of knowing that after 10 episodes it'll all be over. Plus, it has totally awesome gross-out murders.

The story centers on the impeding nuptials of Trish Wellington (a moneyed beauty) and Henry Dunn (a grown-up former boy from the other side of the tracks) on the island of Harper's Bay. Sounds scenic, right? Weeeeeeel, there's the small detail of a bunch of peeps being brutally murdered and hung up like damp drawers ten years ago---amongst those deaths the mother of Abby Mills---our story's narrator, island native turned run-away and Henry's BFF. There are a slew of tertiary characters most acted well enough (my favs include recently engaged British Cal and socialite Chloe) and are annoying at worst (little girl Madison isn't so much creepy as she is bothersome). I love Henry and Trish best though. Christopher Gorham has been a favorite of mine since his days on Popular and Katie Cassidy (yes, that Katie Cassidy who I first saw on a VH1 special about her father, the girl who dated Jesse McCartney, the one in both Black Christmas AND When a Stranger Calls, the girl who's about to be in the new Melrose Place revamp) is actually pretty decent---and she looks much better with brown hair.

Only a few more episodes left, I'd recommend you pop a bunch of popcorn and watch it all on CBS.com. And for my money, I think that Henry did it all. Tune in to find out.

I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here

This week was kicked off in style with a 2-hour episode of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. When we last left off Angela had been voted out of the jungle by America having suffered from bouts of insanity as evidenced by convulsive crying, and talking to herself. Heidi and Spencer had quit, come back only to discover their personal items including dry shampoo Heidi was intensely and unhealthily attached to had been divvied up. At this point Spencer defended his wife's honor, and hair product, but being physically aggressive with a female cast member. Next they quit, came back, quit, came back, Spencer got baptized by Stephen Baldwin, they sat out of challenges like little babies, Janice slept all day, Sanjaya got bit by bullet ants, Spencer and Heidi quit for real this time, Daniel Baldwin (the coke-head, oft-arrested fat Baldwin) joined the cast, and Spencer and Heidi begged to be let back into the camp claiming that the Devil had taken over their bodies and made them leave. Got all that?

Producers tell us in the first five minutes that the cast has voted to let Spencer and Heidi back in. This is confusing to me because I'm pretty sure I watched that vote go down and people did not want them back. I also read Angela's exit interview and she claims that the vote did take place and that they voted not to let Spencer and Heidi back in. Oh, you sneaky producers! It's backwards day in Costa Rica! Drrrrr!!!!

Then, with little fanfare and seriously little airtime, Francis up and quits. Hm, guess all quitters aren't treated the same on this show.

Some challenges happen, the boys get food, Spencer and Heidi start to look a little Jesus Camp, Janice Dickensen is alternately a wrinkly old bitch and a skinny old bitch, Daniel Baldwin proves to be the only contestant saying what we're all thinking, and Heidi is taken to the hospital after puking all night.

I'm no medical doctor but it seems to me that one might want to drink a crap ton of water and eat something every once in awhile if they were say, camping in the Costa Rican wilderness. Apparently not, according to Heidi. So, she has to quit the show---this time presumably for good---because of an ulcer. Don't worry, her super interesting sister Holly will be joining us next week.

Top 3 Moments from this episode:

3. Heidi "sings" and Janice says she sounds like a dying cat.



What?! She sounds good, ya'll.

2. Sanjaya chokes on balls.

1. Heidi and Spencer leave!!!!! (Forever fingers crossed!)

Charlie Back on Lost???

So, if you've been watching ABC at all lately, and can't fast forward (like me), you've seen some of the fall line-up spots. They're pretty cute actually, ABC's a family and characters from different shows are all interacting in the ABC house. Cutesy enough but not interesting until our favorite hobbit turned heroin addict turned martyr, Dominick Moynahan showed up.



Could it be?! Could Charlie, whose death I wept over and bemoaned really be coming back?!

Well, according to various sources the actor could be headed to either Flash Forward (still not sure if I'm excited about this show but Sonja Walger---our starcrossed lover Penny is a series regular so at least I could say "NOT PENNY'S BOAT!!! like 80 times per episode) or Gray's Anatomy. Let me express my feelings on this through Ben gif...


Please, please, please bring back Charlie Hobbit. It would make me really happy.

Shocking Revelation

Everyone's favorite cross-dressing, penis-loving, glam-rock American Idol runner-up is gracing the cover of Rolling Stone this month. In the issue, hitting newsstands this Friday, Adam Lambert officially comes out (duh), calls Kris Allen hot (duh), and looks fierce in leather (duh).

Now the only question is, what's up with that butterfly? Was Mariah Carey styling this photo shoot?

Bridezilla Season Premeire

Bridezillas premiered last night filling that void we'd had all hiatus for self-entitled brats insisting that everything is about them. And no, Heidi and Spencer don't count.

It's all very entertaining, don't get me wrong, but these girls are some hot messes. Minus the hot. This time we were treated to the nuptuals of Batman and Hermione Granger. Oopsie, I mean this fat nerd and this other fatty who never quite got over her time as a techie in high school theater. I don't want to shock you, but she's a huge bitch and he's a giant pushover.

If this sounds like something that you'd like to watch, please tune in Sunday nights this summer on WEtv.

Daisy of Love still contagious

There really are no words when it comes to describing the aesthetics found on Daisy of Love, the painfully self-promotional VH1 reality dating show starring Rock of Love cast off and former Bret Michaels bedfellow Daisy De la Hoya. De la Hoya looks like a real like blow up doll in every shot, from her fish-faced makeout scenes to the awkward and stilted personal interview shots (remember when you were in elementary school and the teacher called on that one kid who really ought not be reading aloud in class and you took yourself to your happy place in order not to be listening to the reading anymore? That's kind of what it's like seeing Daisy read producers' prompts).

And beyond the surface of things, it doesn't get much better. Contestants on the show seem dull at best and are more concerned with displaying their machismo and maintaining the attitude that only black and leather accessories can only purvey than exhibiting any degree of intelligence. And when a house full of meatheads with nicknames such as 12-Pack (yes, that 12-Pack---the one who has attempted to hook-up with New York and was successful with Daisy's reality show enemy Heather) and Flex call you stupid, it's fair to say that the audience viewing at home can't even understand what you're saying. I'm looking at you Fox.

What is most upsetting about the show is its promulgation of classic gender tropes. I know that it's VH1. I know that it's Celebreality. I know that Daisy is doing this to herself in order to promote a music career that will most likely never happen. But it just would have been nice to have the blowup doll have a secret brain compartment. Instead, every episode we are privy to Daisy getting more and more attracted to philandering, offensive males only interested in her because of her double-E's and the screen time they can wean from her. I also wish that there was a counter to that. I wish that there was one man in the house that I believed was there because of any reason other than these two. There isn't, and the producers are to blame but at this point Daisy could pull a Madonna---a veritable college girl working the pole to put her way through medical school---and play them all for air-time. She hasn't, and honestly, I don't believe that she will. I guess there's only one way to find out. Tune in next week---Daisy will surely fall further and further for Fox---did I mention that he has a live-in girlfriend? Sigh. I guess her boobs were too big to burn a bra anyhow.

Long Time No View!

Due to financial constraints and packed schedule I have been away from the game for too long. I promise regular updates, snarky comments, links to news and possible even s snazzy new layout. Stay tuned!