I LOVE this show. It's all chain-smoking and 1960's gender tropes and period set pieces. And it includes this fabulous bish...
Watch it people.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Oh, The Real World. Since we last saw you Joanna had lost her damn mind, Bronne had been kicked out of the house, and the only person with a normal name in the house went home 4 episodes ago.
So, after Jonna broke up with her boyfriend in order to bang Canada's Finest DJ Pat, the same DJ who Jasmine totally wanted to desperately bang for months previously, she sat down with emotionally unstable Jasmine in order to hash the whole thing out. Surprisingly, Jasmine proves to be mature and responsible about the whole sitch, giving Jonna her blessing and clearing the air. It probably has a whole lot to do with the fact that as a revenge/sympathy move, she started shacking up with Pat's cousin. He's totally gay. The whole thing is awkward. Like, going on a double date with your ex-hookup who now bangs your roommate. Oh yeah, that happened too.
Wine makes petty behavior classy.
So, after Jonna broke up with her boyfriend in order to bang Canada's Finest DJ Pat, the same DJ who Jasmine totally wanted to desperately bang for months previously, she sat down with emotionally unstable Jasmine in order to hash the whole thing out. Surprisingly, Jasmine proves to be mature and responsible about the whole sitch, giving Jonna her blessing and clearing the air. It probably has a whole lot to do with the fact that as a revenge/sympathy move, she started shacking up with Pat's cousin. He's totally gay. The whole thing is awkward. Like, going on a double date with your ex-hookup who now bangs your roommate. Oh yeah, that happened too.
Wine makes petty behavior classy.So, after the awk dinner date...why was Emilleeeeeeee there again?...Jonna gets all schwasty and starts making out with Ayiiiiiiiiiia. (See, the vowel joke never gets old) It seems that Ayiiia has a little crush on Jonna, and not like the kind of crush that I have on Zoe Deschanel where I think she's pretty and her clothes are cute and she's just generally neat. No, Ayiiia wants to get up close and personal with Jonna's vagina. Canada's Finest DJ, world traveller and ladies man that he is, is entralled at the prospect.
Things White People Say: "Jackpot."
Things White People Say: "Jackpot."As Jonna shows her devotion and affection toward Pat in the confessional (a sensitive move for the live-in ex that she just dumped), Ayiiiiiia wants some lovin' too! So, she pushes (literally) her way into a threesome. Thank god for the grainy quality of the blacklight cameras because that is not something that I need to see. Ever. It's like a pack of canned sausages. That shit's reserved for homeless people and ingrates, yo.
More entertaining than the actual threesome is the morning after. I mean, there are few things that are more awkward than drunkenly hooking up with your roommate. Scratch that. The morning after with cameras around takes the cake.
Here's my boob. But you've seen that before.
More entertaining than the actual threesome is the morning after. I mean, there are few things that are more awkward than drunkenly hooking up with your roommate. Scratch that. The morning after with cameras around takes the cake.
Here's my boob. But you've seen that before. The two girls try to keep the tryst a secret but good news, and Jonna's crabs, travel fast and soon everyone knows. Most interesting is that Emileeeeee gets really upset. She tries to explain her anger away by saying that she felt betrayed by Jonna keeping the truth from her and that she's looking out for her best friend in the house (does Jonna really want to be with a guy who's hooked up with three of the four girls in the house) but it seems to me that Emilee wanted her lesbo night of debauchery to be the sapphic highlight of the season. It's okay Emilee, you're still the only cast member who had a five minute segment dedicated to your need for mental medication--mostly due to the fact that no one else has a prescription.
I'm not the best Hooters girl with lesbian leanings and too many vowels?!
I'm not the best Hooters girl with lesbian leanings and too many vowels?!So, Pat and his homosexual cousin leave and the girls are bereft. Jonna is especially sad questioning whether it was such a good idea to drop her doting, dull boyfriend for a couple romps in the sack with a skinny white DJ and her insane roommate. She has faith though, faith that the love she and Smirnoff have fostered this past week can span the length of time and geography. She needs to know whether her relationship with Pat can work from Canada to Arizona, cause she's really good at long distance, so she emails him. He doesn't write back, so she calls him. Alas, he is at a club and hangs up on her. The twisted and tangled road to love.
The "hottest" girl on the show.
The "hottest" girl on the show.Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I Die!
The Rachel Zoe Project returned this week for another heaping helping of L.A. fashion stylist bitchery.
Last season when the show premiered, it won rave reviews from critics and audiences alike for its realistic portrayal of the cut-throat world of styling. Viewers--and me!--fell in love with Rachel's go-to-gal Taylor and new styling assistant (complete with bowtie) Brad, and the catch phrases "Ba-Na-Nas!", "I die!" and "Shut. It. Down." But did the show suffer the same fate as most second-year reality shows, trading its realism for higher production values, its organic moments for discussion panel driven set-ups.
A little of column A, a little of column B. Rachel was dressing the Golden Globes and her stress was making the furrows in her face even deeper. I didn't know that was possible, so the show is educational too. The recession is affecting stylists too! Designers don't want to send couture around the world on an express airplane with just a chance of having the turn up on the red carpet. And why wouldn't they when Brad shows up trouncing around in their dresses.
Taylor, having been promised a greater role in styling this year, seems to still be schlepping it on the phones and in the garment room. Brad, meanwhile, gets to go shopping with Rachel for jewelry. On top of this, Rachel won't let Taylor try on the dresses because her boobs are too big. Instead, another assistant (someone obviously placed into the limelight by Bravo as an additional foil this season) steps in. This chick looks like Madonna and Angela Basset had an arm baby and it is not cute. When Rachel repeatedly tells Taylor that she must be jealous of how hot this chicky's body is I want to punch her in her face. I get it. You're Rachel Zoe and you look like a skin hanger, but that doesn't mean that you have to be rude to people who have normal bodies. And why exactly couldn't Taylor try on Anne Hathaway's dress? Have you seen the bazungas on that girl?
Anywho, at the end of the day I got to see lots of pretty clothes and die a little myself over the vintage jewelry Rachel scored. I'll stay tuned for additional fashion and drama.
Last season when the show premiered, it won rave reviews from critics and audiences alike for its realistic portrayal of the cut-throat world of styling. Viewers--and me!--fell in love with Rachel's go-to-gal Taylor and new styling assistant (complete with bowtie) Brad, and the catch phrases "Ba-Na-Nas!", "I die!" and "Shut. It. Down." But did the show suffer the same fate as most second-year reality shows, trading its realism for higher production values, its organic moments for discussion panel driven set-ups.
A little of column A, a little of column B. Rachel was dressing the Golden Globes and her stress was making the furrows in her face even deeper. I didn't know that was possible, so the show is educational too. The recession is affecting stylists too! Designers don't want to send couture around the world on an express airplane with just a chance of having the turn up on the red carpet. And why wouldn't they when Brad shows up trouncing around in their dresses.
Taylor, having been promised a greater role in styling this year, seems to still be schlepping it on the phones and in the garment room. Brad, meanwhile, gets to go shopping with Rachel for jewelry. On top of this, Rachel won't let Taylor try on the dresses because her boobs are too big. Instead, another assistant (someone obviously placed into the limelight by Bravo as an additional foil this season) steps in. This chick looks like Madonna and Angela Basset had an arm baby and it is not cute. When Rachel repeatedly tells Taylor that she must be jealous of how hot this chicky's body is I want to punch her in her face. I get it. You're Rachel Zoe and you look like a skin hanger, but that doesn't mean that you have to be rude to people who have normal bodies. And why exactly couldn't Taylor try on Anne Hathaway's dress? Have you seen the bazungas on that girl?
Anywho, at the end of the day I got to see lots of pretty clothes and die a little myself over the vintage jewelry Rachel scored. I'll stay tuned for additional fashion and drama.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Project Runway Disappoints
Project Runway debuted on Lifetime and this is all I have to say is NO! NO! NO!
The first challenge was a red carpet dress. What?! Where's my "Make a Dress Out of Cottage Cheese and Rice Paper" first challenge? Why are we throwing these people softballs only to get lackluster results.
Uh, the best part of the episode was when guest judge Lindsey Lohan (yes, you read that right) sent the Sam Ronson look-alike packing.
Separated at birth?
The first challenge was a red carpet dress. What?! Where's my "Make a Dress Out of Cottage Cheese and Rice Paper" first challenge? Why are we throwing these people softballs only to get lackluster results.
Uh, the best part of the episode was when guest judge Lindsey Lohan (yes, you read that right) sent the Sam Ronson look-alike packing.
Separated at birth?They've changed the location of the show to Los Angeles which is like moving Cannes to Amsterdam. And with the location change has come all sorts of other changes too. The show is chock full of guest judges who have a whole lot to do with celebrity and not a lot to do with fashion. Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lopez and the premiere's Lindsay Lohan (BUT SHE SELLS A LINE OF LEGGINGS!!!!) have no business telling people whether they ought to be in or out.
Nina Garcia does not approve.
Nina Garcia does not approve.
Real World
On the Real World, Bronne got plastered drunk and threw a fire extinguisher off of a balcony, causing the fine people at ME : Cancun to kick him out of his ridiculously outfitted penthouse. As a result he had to go live in the Student City staff housing which looks a lot like the motel we stayed in once in Akron with lawn furniture sitting in the pool instead of water. Bronne locked himself out of his room there and spent the night talking to a dog while drinking a 2-liter of soda and finally found sweet repose on a hammock that has, most likely, been urinated on 73 times lifetime. It was the most realistic part of the season thus far.
Now with 50% more pee.
In other news, the slutfest that is Joanna continued. She took her friendship with Canada's Finest DJ Pat to the next level by going on a romantic dinner with her and all but ignoring her boyfriend at home. Then came the big question, "Is Pat worth ending my relationship with Devoted Boyfriend?" Taking the sound advice of Ayiiiiiiiiiiia (who is for the record, not at all insane or unbalenced and totally has a purpose on this show beyond proving just how atrocious those cucumber headbands really are), she breaks things off with boyfriend. Well, really she makes out with Pat under the covers in her bed, below a collage of her and Devoted Boyfriend before breaking things off in a three telephone call conversation. Over three days. Joanna is classy and respectable.
Who wouldn't want a piece of that?
Other courtship activities for Canada's Finest DJ and Herps McCrabby included creepily watching Jasmine and Pat's cousin "flirt" while talking about how Jasmine is only trying to get with him to make Pat jealous. I mean, it was obvious to anyone that that was true, and they were mighty awkward together, but why do you care so much? And, oh poor Jasmine. If you want to do a revenge hook-up, you choose someone who the former crush feels threatened by, not his ultimately gayer than Ricky Martin cousin. It's getting painful to watch you, girl.
Nothing awkward going on here.
Emileeeeeee continued to be boring, but I'm kind of happy for her that they don't show her much because she's getting a little chunk-o.
Next week, Ayiiiiiiiiiiia gets a crush on Sluts O'Trampy and there's a requisite Real World/Cancun threesome. Careful Vowels, the action caught on tape won't be the only thing you have for a lifetime.
Now with 50% more pee.In other news, the slutfest that is Joanna continued. She took her friendship with Canada's Finest DJ Pat to the next level by going on a romantic dinner with her and all but ignoring her boyfriend at home. Then came the big question, "Is Pat worth ending my relationship with Devoted Boyfriend?" Taking the sound advice of Ayiiiiiiiiiiia (who is for the record, not at all insane or unbalenced and totally has a purpose on this show beyond proving just how atrocious those cucumber headbands really are), she breaks things off with boyfriend. Well, really she makes out with Pat under the covers in her bed, below a collage of her and Devoted Boyfriend before breaking things off in a three telephone call conversation. Over three days. Joanna is classy and respectable.
Who wouldn't want a piece of that?Other courtship activities for Canada's Finest DJ and Herps McCrabby included creepily watching Jasmine and Pat's cousin "flirt" while talking about how Jasmine is only trying to get with him to make Pat jealous. I mean, it was obvious to anyone that that was true, and they were mighty awkward together, but why do you care so much? And, oh poor Jasmine. If you want to do a revenge hook-up, you choose someone who the former crush feels threatened by, not his ultimately gayer than Ricky Martin cousin. It's getting painful to watch you, girl.
Nothing awkward going on here.Emileeeeeee continued to be boring, but I'm kind of happy for her that they don't show her much because she's getting a little chunk-o.
Next week, Ayiiiiiiiiiiia gets a crush on Sluts O'Trampy and there's a requisite Real World/Cancun threesome. Careful Vowels, the action caught on tape won't be the only thing you have for a lifetime.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
NYC Prep ended its inaugural season with the sort of school year wrap-ups we've all become accustomed to. Prom and graduation and tearful goodbyes. Well, not quite. But Jesse fell down some stairs and Bravo previewed Camille's Upper East Side social ascension. It was a little gross and sad and it made me both look forward to and dread what's ahead. See? I've been telling you the whole time it's just like high school!
The centerpiece of this episode was Jessie's big Operation Smile fete. I must say that I've shirked one of the largest elements in the show over the past few updates. Jessie, who happens to be one of my favorite cast members, is stunningly unattractive. I feel conflicted about typing that because she's a kid. Remember when all of the blogs were abuzz with talk about how Whitney and Bobby's little baby girl was a tubby bunny? Even I, avid pop-culture fanatic and serial internet shit talker, was taken aback by this kind of insensitivity. And sometimes I feel like I'm being like those people. But then I remember that Jessie signed up for this show. In fact, as I read in New York Magazine the other week, she actively pursued the camera time. See, it turns out that Jessie was good friends with Bethanie Frankel's (Real Housewives of New York) daughter and pushed PC into also participating. So, I'm going to go ahead with this.
Jessie's face is so unfortunate I feel badly for her. She looks like a horse crossed with Eric Stoltz in Mask.
Wiiiiiillllber...
FAIL.
The centerpiece of this episode was Jessie's big Operation Smile fete. I must say that I've shirked one of the largest elements in the show over the past few updates. Jessie, who happens to be one of my favorite cast members, is stunningly unattractive. I feel conflicted about typing that because she's a kid. Remember when all of the blogs were abuzz with talk about how Whitney and Bobby's little baby girl was a tubby bunny? Even I, avid pop-culture fanatic and serial internet shit talker, was taken aback by this kind of insensitivity. And sometimes I feel like I'm being like those people. But then I remember that Jessie signed up for this show. In fact, as I read in New York Magazine the other week, she actively pursued the camera time. See, it turns out that Jessie was good friends with Bethanie Frankel's (Real Housewives of New York) daughter and pushed PC into also participating. So, I'm going to go ahead with this.
Jessie's face is so unfortunate I feel badly for her. She looks like a horse crossed with Eric Stoltz in Mask.
Wiiiiiillllber...Watching her pine after obviously gay PC all season has been so sad, especially when I look up from my computer to see that mug.
But the girl is driven and passionate and I can't really hate on her for being bitchy occasionally. In specific, her event with Operation Smile in this episode. We have to ostensibly assume that there was some help from the professionals at the organization but it still seems that she did the bulk of the planning work. And the event looked amazing. I know that heading committees and organizing shit like this, especially with children at your demand, can be a real headache. But she did it. When she caught those models smoking pot in an upper wing I could have killed them along with her. She is a consummate professional and I hope, and expect, that she will do big things with her life.
Camille on the other hand, I wish nothing but eternal loneliness and jagged hairline for. She used to just annoy me, and it was sort of fun to imagine her future full of cats and body shape inappropriate button-ups, but she crossed the line. She's trying to hard to be something. Something that she thinks will get her friends or prestige or probably just attention from mommy and daddy. I've got news for you honey; you're no Jessie and you're certainly no Blair Waldorff. You can wear as many headbands as you want but your power moves will always come off as bitchy rather than cunning. Case in point: Jessie's play for Operation Smile Committee credit.
Having previously asked Jessie for an opportunity to participate in the organization, it is revealed that she hasn't done ANYTHING since their last meeting. In a heated showdown outside some unnamed black wrought iron fence in Upper Manhattan, Camille claims that she hasn't taken any steps because Jessie didn't tell her exactly what to do. What do you want? A hand holding? A freaking itinerary?
Jessie: "I told you to join the Facebook group"
Camille: "Yeah, but which Facebook Group?"
It's Facebook, bitch! It isn't that hard to do! If you can't take the initiative, you shouldn't be helping. Period. You're really coming up to the head and asking to help, no--yelling to help--, A WEEK before the event? At this point it would take more effort to coordinate finding something for you to do than it would help that you were there. You would know that if you had done anything beyond studying SAT vocab. And we all know you're just doing this for the resume prop so don't try to pull the "it should be about the kids" card.
At the event, Camille has the gall to approach the Operation Smile big whigs and call Jessie out for "not letting her help". She then spends the bulk of the evening critsizing everything from the clothes to the presentation. Okay, bitter bitch, go sit down with your pity party and your tree trunck thighs. And bragging about how you "hooked up" with one of the guys on the runway before claiming that another had never "gotten laid a day in his life" is not cute. Wearing cardigans and hoisery does not make you a lady--didn't your mother ever tell you that desperation isn't cute?
But the girl is driven and passionate and I can't really hate on her for being bitchy occasionally. In specific, her event with Operation Smile in this episode. We have to ostensibly assume that there was some help from the professionals at the organization but it still seems that she did the bulk of the planning work. And the event looked amazing. I know that heading committees and organizing shit like this, especially with children at your demand, can be a real headache. But she did it. When she caught those models smoking pot in an upper wing I could have killed them along with her. She is a consummate professional and I hope, and expect, that she will do big things with her life.
Camille on the other hand, I wish nothing but eternal loneliness and jagged hairline for. She used to just annoy me, and it was sort of fun to imagine her future full of cats and body shape inappropriate button-ups, but she crossed the line. She's trying to hard to be something. Something that she thinks will get her friends or prestige or probably just attention from mommy and daddy. I've got news for you honey; you're no Jessie and you're certainly no Blair Waldorff. You can wear as many headbands as you want but your power moves will always come off as bitchy rather than cunning. Case in point: Jessie's play for Operation Smile Committee credit.
Having previously asked Jessie for an opportunity to participate in the organization, it is revealed that she hasn't done ANYTHING since their last meeting. In a heated showdown outside some unnamed black wrought iron fence in Upper Manhattan, Camille claims that she hasn't taken any steps because Jessie didn't tell her exactly what to do. What do you want? A hand holding? A freaking itinerary?
Jessie: "I told you to join the Facebook group"
Camille: "Yeah, but which Facebook Group?"
It's Facebook, bitch! It isn't that hard to do! If you can't take the initiative, you shouldn't be helping. Period. You're really coming up to the head and asking to help, no--yelling to help--, A WEEK before the event? At this point it would take more effort to coordinate finding something for you to do than it would help that you were there. You would know that if you had done anything beyond studying SAT vocab. And we all know you're just doing this for the resume prop so don't try to pull the "it should be about the kids" card.
At the event, Camille has the gall to approach the Operation Smile big whigs and call Jessie out for "not letting her help". She then spends the bulk of the evening critsizing everything from the clothes to the presentation. Okay, bitter bitch, go sit down with your pity party and your tree trunck thighs. And bragging about how you "hooked up" with one of the guys on the runway before claiming that another had never "gotten laid a day in his life" is not cute. Wearing cardigans and hoisery does not make you a lady--didn't your mother ever tell you that desperation isn't cute?
FAIL.The rest of the episode consisted of PC finally choosing a college, Kelli awkwardly singing a song at Sebastian's "benefit"---please confirm to me that Bravo included this simply because it was hilariously bad in comparison to Jessie's--and we realized that the two best cast members will be gone next year.
Good luck at college, kids! You are all going to be terrible at beer pong.
Good luck at college, kids! You are all going to be terrible at beer pong.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Fall TV Line-Up Schedule!
Fall Premiere Dates:
FALL PREMIERE DATES
Tuesday, Sept. 8
90210, 8 p.m. (CW)
Melrose Place, 9 p.m. (CW)
Sons of Anarchy, 10 p.m. (FX)
Wednesday, Sept. 9
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m. (CW)
Glee, 9 p.m. (Fox)
So You Think You Can Dance, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Thursday, Sept. 10
Supernatural, 9 p.m. (CW)
The Vampire Diaries, 8 p.m. (CW)
Friday, Sept. 11
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Saturday, Sept. 12
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m. (Fox)
Cops, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Monday, Sept. 14
Gossip Girl, 9 p.m. (CW)
The Jay Leno Show, 10 p.m. (NBC)
One Tree Hill, 8 p.m. (CW)
Tuesday, Sept. 15
The Biggest Loser, 8 p.m. (NBC)
Wednesday, Sept. 16
The Beautiful Life, 9 p.m. (CW)
Thursday, Sept. 17
Bones, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Community, 9:30 p.m. (NBC)
Fringe, 9 p.m. (Fox)
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 10 p.m. (FX)
The Office, 9 p.m. (NBC)
Parks and Recreation, 8:30 p.m. (NBC)
Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday, 8 p.m. (NBC)
Survivor: Samoa, 8 p.m. (CBS)
Sunday, Sept. 20
Curb Your Enthusiasm, 9 p.m. (HBO)
Bored to Death, 9:30 p.m. (HBO)
Monday, Sept. 21
Accidentally on Purpose, 8:30 p.m. (CBS)
The Big Bang Theory, 9:30 p.m. (CBS)
Castle, 10 p.m. (ABC)
CSI: Miami, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Dancing With the Stars, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Heroes, 8 p.m. (NBC)
House, 8 p.m. (Fox)
How I Met Your Mother, 8 p.m. (CBS)
Two and a Half Men, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Tuesday, Sept. 22
The Forgotten, 10 p.m. (ABC)
The Good Wife, 10 p.m. (CBS)
NCIS, 8 p.m. (CBS)
NCIS: Los Angeles, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Wednesday, Sept. 23
Cougar Town, 9:30 p.m. (ABC)
Criminal Minds, 9 p.m. (CBS)
CSI: NY, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Eastwick, 10 p.m. (ABC)
Gary Unmarried, 8:30 p.m. (CBS)
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, 9 p.m. (NBC)
Mercy, 8 p.m. (NBC)
Modern Family, 9 p.m. (ABC)
The New Adventures of Old Christine, 8 p.m. (CBS)
Thursday, Sept. 24
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Flash Forward, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Grey's Anatomy, 9 p.m. (ABC)
The Mentalist, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Friday, Sept. 25
Brothers, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Dollhouse, 9 p.m. (Fox)
Ghost Whisperer, 8 p.m. (CBS)
Law & Order, 8 p.m. (NBC)
Medium, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Numb3rs, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Smallville, 8 p.m. (CW)
Southland, 9 p.m. (NBC)
Saturday, Sept. 26
Saturday Night Live, 11:30 p.m. (NBC)
Sunday, Sept. 27
60 Minutes, 7 p.m. (CBS)
The Amazing Race, 8 p.m. (CBS)
American Dad, 9:30 p.m. (Fox)
Brothers & Sisters, 10 p.m. (ABC)
Californication, 10 p.m. (Showtime)
The Cleveland Show, 8:30 p.m. (Fox)
Cold Case, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m. (ABC)
Dexter, 9 p.m. (Showtime)
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, 7 p.m. (ABC)
Family Guy, 9 p.m. (Fox)
The Simpsons, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Monday, Sept. 28
Lie to Me, 9 p.m. (Fox)
Trauma, 9 p.m. (NBC)
Tuesday, Sept. 29
Dancing With the Stars, 9 p.m. (ABC)
Hell's Kitchen, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Shark Tank, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Wednesday, Sept. 30
Hank, 8 p.m. (ABC)
The Middle, 8:30 pm. (ABC)
Thursday, Oct. 1
Private Practice, 10 p.m. (ABC)
Friday, Oct. 2
'Til Death, 8:30 p.m. (Fox)
Stargate Universe, 9 p.m. (Syfy)
Sunday, Oct. 4
America's Funniest Home Videos, 7 p.m (ABC)
Three Rivers, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Tuesday, Oct. 6
Scare Tactics, 9 p.m. (Syfy)
Friday, Oct. 9
Sanctuary, 10 p.m. (Syfy)
Ugly Betty, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Thursday, Oct. 15
30 Rock, 9:30 p.m. (NBC)
Friday, Oct. 16
Supernanny, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Friday, Oct. 23
White Collar, 10 p.m. (USA)
Tuesday, Nov. 3
V, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Saturday, Nov. 7
Legend of the Seeker (syndication)
The Wanda Sykes Show, 11 p.m. (Fox)
Blair and I are excited.
FALL PREMIERE DATES
Tuesday, Sept. 8
90210, 8 p.m. (CW)
Melrose Place, 9 p.m. (CW)
Sons of Anarchy, 10 p.m. (FX)
Wednesday, Sept. 9
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m. (CW)
Glee, 9 p.m. (Fox)
So You Think You Can Dance, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Thursday, Sept. 10
Supernatural, 9 p.m. (CW)
The Vampire Diaries, 8 p.m. (CW)
Friday, Sept. 11
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Saturday, Sept. 12
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m. (Fox)
Cops, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Monday, Sept. 14
Gossip Girl, 9 p.m. (CW)
The Jay Leno Show, 10 p.m. (NBC)
One Tree Hill, 8 p.m. (CW)
Tuesday, Sept. 15
The Biggest Loser, 8 p.m. (NBC)
Wednesday, Sept. 16
The Beautiful Life, 9 p.m. (CW)
Thursday, Sept. 17
Bones, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Community, 9:30 p.m. (NBC)
Fringe, 9 p.m. (Fox)
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 10 p.m. (FX)
The Office, 9 p.m. (NBC)
Parks and Recreation, 8:30 p.m. (NBC)
Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday, 8 p.m. (NBC)
Survivor: Samoa, 8 p.m. (CBS)
Sunday, Sept. 20
Curb Your Enthusiasm, 9 p.m. (HBO)
Bored to Death, 9:30 p.m. (HBO)
Monday, Sept. 21
Accidentally on Purpose, 8:30 p.m. (CBS)
The Big Bang Theory, 9:30 p.m. (CBS)
Castle, 10 p.m. (ABC)
CSI: Miami, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Dancing With the Stars, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Heroes, 8 p.m. (NBC)
House, 8 p.m. (Fox)
How I Met Your Mother, 8 p.m. (CBS)
Two and a Half Men, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Tuesday, Sept. 22
The Forgotten, 10 p.m. (ABC)
The Good Wife, 10 p.m. (CBS)
NCIS, 8 p.m. (CBS)
NCIS: Los Angeles, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Wednesday, Sept. 23
Cougar Town, 9:30 p.m. (ABC)
Criminal Minds, 9 p.m. (CBS)
CSI: NY, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Eastwick, 10 p.m. (ABC)
Gary Unmarried, 8:30 p.m. (CBS)
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, 9 p.m. (NBC)
Mercy, 8 p.m. (NBC)
Modern Family, 9 p.m. (ABC)
The New Adventures of Old Christine, 8 p.m. (CBS)
Thursday, Sept. 24
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Flash Forward, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Grey's Anatomy, 9 p.m. (ABC)
The Mentalist, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Friday, Sept. 25
Brothers, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Dollhouse, 9 p.m. (Fox)
Ghost Whisperer, 8 p.m. (CBS)
Law & Order, 8 p.m. (NBC)
Medium, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Numb3rs, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Smallville, 8 p.m. (CW)
Southland, 9 p.m. (NBC)
Saturday, Sept. 26
Saturday Night Live, 11:30 p.m. (NBC)
Sunday, Sept. 27
60 Minutes, 7 p.m. (CBS)
The Amazing Race, 8 p.m. (CBS)
American Dad, 9:30 p.m. (Fox)
Brothers & Sisters, 10 p.m. (ABC)
Californication, 10 p.m. (Showtime)
The Cleveland Show, 8:30 p.m. (Fox)
Cold Case, 10 p.m. (CBS)
Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m. (ABC)
Dexter, 9 p.m. (Showtime)
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, 7 p.m. (ABC)
Family Guy, 9 p.m. (Fox)
The Simpsons, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Monday, Sept. 28
Lie to Me, 9 p.m. (Fox)
Trauma, 9 p.m. (NBC)
Tuesday, Sept. 29
Dancing With the Stars, 9 p.m. (ABC)
Hell's Kitchen, 8 p.m. (Fox)
Shark Tank, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Wednesday, Sept. 30
Hank, 8 p.m. (ABC)
The Middle, 8:30 pm. (ABC)
Thursday, Oct. 1
Private Practice, 10 p.m. (ABC)
Friday, Oct. 2
'Til Death, 8:30 p.m. (Fox)
Stargate Universe, 9 p.m. (Syfy)
Sunday, Oct. 4
America's Funniest Home Videos, 7 p.m (ABC)
Three Rivers, 9 p.m. (CBS)
Tuesday, Oct. 6
Scare Tactics, 9 p.m. (Syfy)
Friday, Oct. 9
Sanctuary, 10 p.m. (Syfy)
Ugly Betty, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Thursday, Oct. 15
30 Rock, 9:30 p.m. (NBC)
Friday, Oct. 16
Supernanny, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Friday, Oct. 23
White Collar, 10 p.m. (USA)
Tuesday, Nov. 3
V, 8 p.m. (ABC)
Saturday, Nov. 7
Legend of the Seeker (syndication)
The Wanda Sykes Show, 11 p.m. (Fox)
Blair and I are excited.
True Blood is a thinly veiled metaphor and Godric is Jesus. Or Martin Luther King Jr. Or the pacifist movement. Also, people ate human hearts in this episode. Ick nast.
Basically, here's what happened on the episode:
1. Eric came to save Godric. Godric was all hot and young looking and kinda sad and I totes would have had a crush on him in high school. The Fellowship is about to sacrifice Eric when Bill finally comes to Sookie's rescue (having used the power of television to dispense his creepy maker). He's remiss to do anything since Guy Smiley Preacher Dude threatens to kill Sookie if he comes any closer. Luckily, Jason goes all Rambo on anyone's ass who talks crap about Sookie. This time, that someone happened to be his former lover Barbie Doll. Sign, no more handjobs. Now it's all paintball guns and face punches. Jason stealthily infiltrates the church and shoots Guy Smiley in the hand, then face, with the paintball gun. Bam! Bitch went down! Bam, Jason, super bitch! Sookie removes the silver chains from Eric, planting the seeds for an Eric/Sookie storyline and the cowboy vampires enter the church.
Right before they kill everyone, Godric shows up. He's all in white and hovering above the congregation looking like an angel or some shit and starts talking about the advanced vampire who doesn't just murder humans. The vampires stand down and the humans look like terrible background actors. Later they have a big vampire party at a Frank Lloyd Wright house in Texas and Sookie and Jason are invited. Lorena shows up and she and Sookie get into a bitch fight. I hate them both and I wish at that moment that they both would have gotten killed by Eric.
The best part of the party scene was when Eric interacted with Jason. Then he smiled. Oh, Eric. Why are you the best part of this show.
2. Back in Bon Temps, Jessica and Hoyt realize that she will always be a virgin. That sucks.
Maryann attempts to set Sam up as a murderer when she drops Crappy Waitress' heartless body off in his freezer than calls the cops. Tara and Eggs attempt to fill in the holes in their memory but are soon distracted by devouring the human heart pie Maryann has cooked up for them. For real. It was gross. I'm tired of this Maryann BS. Needs more Lafayette.
3. At the end of this episode, Ken Doll for Jesus enters the party with what appears to be a silver bomb strapped to his chest. Oh, noes! Puppy Sam would not be happy about this.
Basically, here's what happened on the episode:
1. Eric came to save Godric. Godric was all hot and young looking and kinda sad and I totes would have had a crush on him in high school. The Fellowship is about to sacrifice Eric when Bill finally comes to Sookie's rescue (having used the power of television to dispense his creepy maker). He's remiss to do anything since Guy Smiley Preacher Dude threatens to kill Sookie if he comes any closer. Luckily, Jason goes all Rambo on anyone's ass who talks crap about Sookie. This time, that someone happened to be his former lover Barbie Doll. Sign, no more handjobs. Now it's all paintball guns and face punches. Jason stealthily infiltrates the church and shoots Guy Smiley in the hand, then face, with the paintball gun. Bam! Bitch went down! Bam, Jason, super bitch! Sookie removes the silver chains from Eric, planting the seeds for an Eric/Sookie storyline and the cowboy vampires enter the church.
Right before they kill everyone, Godric shows up. He's all in white and hovering above the congregation looking like an angel or some shit and starts talking about the advanced vampire who doesn't just murder humans. The vampires stand down and the humans look like terrible background actors. Later they have a big vampire party at a Frank Lloyd Wright house in Texas and Sookie and Jason are invited. Lorena shows up and she and Sookie get into a bitch fight. I hate them both and I wish at that moment that they both would have gotten killed by Eric.
The best part of the party scene was when Eric interacted with Jason. Then he smiled. Oh, Eric. Why are you the best part of this show.
2. Back in Bon Temps, Jessica and Hoyt realize that she will always be a virgin. That sucks.
Maryann attempts to set Sam up as a murderer when she drops Crappy Waitress' heartless body off in his freezer than calls the cops. Tara and Eggs attempt to fill in the holes in their memory but are soon distracted by devouring the human heart pie Maryann has cooked up for them. For real. It was gross. I'm tired of this Maryann BS. Needs more Lafayette.
3. At the end of this episode, Ken Doll for Jesus enters the party with what appears to be a silver bomb strapped to his chest. Oh, noes! Puppy Sam would not be happy about this.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
New Favorite Alert.
This ugly kid from Hung is my new fave.
His name is Charlie Saxton III which automatically makes him cooler than anyone without "the third" following their name.
He's delightful as the awkward goth son of the well-endowed high school basketball coach who lets his poet friend pimp him out for extra cash. Nuanced, his performance as a teenager is what the best acting ought to be--natural.
His name is Charlie Saxton III which automatically makes him cooler than anyone without "the third" following their name.
He's delightful as the awkward goth son of the well-endowed high school basketball coach who lets his poet friend pimp him out for extra cash. Nuanced, his performance as a teenager is what the best acting ought to be--natural.
Real World, Episode Seis
*Spoiler Alert!*
Joey went home on the Real World. And it was just for plain old irresponsibility, not for terrorizing the poor cutter/resident crazy/housemate with too many vowels. Yes, Joey went out really late with a crappy band whose record company had some major ins with MTV and slept right through his alarm, and work. Since this was his second offense, he got fired from his job. Then he had to go home. Boo hoo.
But before all of that happened he got some more random spring-breaker ass so it couldn't have been all bad. Derek also got some. And Bronne too. Yeah, awkward-trying-too-hard Bronne nailed a Playboy model. The chick wasn't a centerfold, and her Girls of the Big 10 spread may have been her freshman year, but a Playboy Model nonetheless. But poor Jasmine. She's been trying so hard to get with Canada's Finest DJ Pat but she's been getting nowhere. She applied her finest acryllics, followed him around like a puppy and even tried to rape him in his bedroom. But alas, he shoved her off of him and left her to be the only one who didn't get any. Jasmine responded with all of the maturity and grace of the average Real World castmember and threw a vase on the ground.
Look, I feel for Jasmine. It's obvious she's got some emotional issues. When I was in six grade I got chosen to be D.A.R.E. student of the week with the boy I had the biggest crush on and someone said in front of the whole class, "Doesn't she like him?" And the boy I liked turned bright red and let his head hang low and suddenly every insecurity I'd ever had came boiling to the surface. I reacted kinda like Jasmine. I was 12.
What to do with an emotionally unstable, insecure girl you ask? Why, betray her friendship and flirt with her crush. Pat comes to the house to get a haircut from Joanna and Jasmine has no idea. It's like being at a bar with your boyfriend and laughing with a table of his friends, including pretty, funny Gemma. And then all of a sudden Paul, who you never really liked anyway says, "We're all glad you took him off of Gemma's hands, those two were like a pair of rabbits." And in that moment you'd felt so empty and alone and utterly, utterly betrayed. Pretty Gemma and douchebag Paul. I NEVER KNEW!
Canadian DJ Pat comes over...looks like he wants to run away from Jasmine...and goes to get a haircut with Joanna. At this point Joanna leans over and whispers into his ear, "I wasn't really going to cut your hair, I just wanted to get you away from Jasmine. It inspired me to write a poem about Joanna:
Joanna
Joanna, you are a ho
I hope someone rips out your weave
And you get herpies
Gurl, that was not cool.
Joey went home on the Real World. And it was just for plain old irresponsibility, not for terrorizing the poor cutter/resident crazy/housemate with too many vowels. Yes, Joey went out really late with a crappy band whose record company had some major ins with MTV and slept right through his alarm, and work. Since this was his second offense, he got fired from his job. Then he had to go home. Boo hoo.
But before all of that happened he got some more random spring-breaker ass so it couldn't have been all bad. Derek also got some. And Bronne too. Yeah, awkward-trying-too-hard Bronne nailed a Playboy model. The chick wasn't a centerfold, and her Girls of the Big 10 spread may have been her freshman year, but a Playboy Model nonetheless. But poor Jasmine. She's been trying so hard to get with Canada's Finest DJ Pat but she's been getting nowhere. She applied her finest acryllics, followed him around like a puppy and even tried to rape him in his bedroom. But alas, he shoved her off of him and left her to be the only one who didn't get any. Jasmine responded with all of the maturity and grace of the average Real World castmember and threw a vase on the ground.
Look, I feel for Jasmine. It's obvious she's got some emotional issues. When I was in six grade I got chosen to be D.A.R.E. student of the week with the boy I had the biggest crush on and someone said in front of the whole class, "Doesn't she like him?" And the boy I liked turned bright red and let his head hang low and suddenly every insecurity I'd ever had came boiling to the surface. I reacted kinda like Jasmine. I was 12.
What to do with an emotionally unstable, insecure girl you ask? Why, betray her friendship and flirt with her crush. Pat comes to the house to get a haircut from Joanna and Jasmine has no idea. It's like being at a bar with your boyfriend and laughing with a table of his friends, including pretty, funny Gemma. And then all of a sudden Paul, who you never really liked anyway says, "We're all glad you took him off of Gemma's hands, those two were like a pair of rabbits." And in that moment you'd felt so empty and alone and utterly, utterly betrayed. Pretty Gemma and douchebag Paul. I NEVER KNEW!
Canadian DJ Pat comes over...looks like he wants to run away from Jasmine...and goes to get a haircut with Joanna. At this point Joanna leans over and whispers into his ear, "I wasn't really going to cut your hair, I just wanted to get you away from Jasmine. It inspired me to write a poem about Joanna:
Joanna
Joanna, you are a ho
I hope someone rips out your weave
And you get herpies
Gurl, that was not cool.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
More To Love
Fatties Love Fatties has already made me consider halting my DVRing of this silly bullshit. Without even getting into the production issues, I have to say that the ringmaster at the center of this circus, Luke, is just plain boring. I mean, if these twenty women are really impressed by this slop of a dude, I'm disappointed.
I think that this has a lot to do with the women who producers chose. For sure their insecurities are being played up in personal interviews and demeaning challenges (having the girls choose teams for the sole purpose of seeing who is chosen last), but these contestants seem to really be missing a confidence chip. Kristian spends the episode chasing after Luke like a lost puppy and reminding the audience that she's never been liked by a boy. Heather cries after getting sick from champagne (is that possible?), and hopes that she'll finally have a guy who "likes the way that she looks, unlike her other boyfriends." Why were they dating her then? What kind of lies have people been feeding this girl? And Melissa (with an E)...where do I start? She's young I guess. At 21 it's possible that she's still riding the dissipating fumes of teenage insecurities. But I think that this is something different. She genuinely seems to have some sort of emotional issues and I'm worried about her. I've never seen her not crying. I never seen her say anything positive about herself. And she keeps getting chosen. Uh.
The best part of this episode, hands down was Malissa (with an A). She's confident and catty and a little bitchy. She's the kind of girl who thinks that every guy is in love with her. I am so happy that she's on the show. On a normal reality dating show I would hate her but I would respect the production value of the drama that it brought. But on this show she is one of just a few girls confident enough to call herself hot and really mean it. And she really is a hot bitch. So Malissa, keep giving those seething looks of bitchery. Maybe I'll keep watching.
I think that this has a lot to do with the women who producers chose. For sure their insecurities are being played up in personal interviews and demeaning challenges (having the girls choose teams for the sole purpose of seeing who is chosen last), but these contestants seem to really be missing a confidence chip. Kristian spends the episode chasing after Luke like a lost puppy and reminding the audience that she's never been liked by a boy. Heather cries after getting sick from champagne (is that possible?), and hopes that she'll finally have a guy who "likes the way that she looks, unlike her other boyfriends." Why were they dating her then? What kind of lies have people been feeding this girl? And Melissa (with an E)...where do I start? She's young I guess. At 21 it's possible that she's still riding the dissipating fumes of teenage insecurities. But I think that this is something different. She genuinely seems to have some sort of emotional issues and I'm worried about her. I've never seen her not crying. I never seen her say anything positive about herself. And she keeps getting chosen. Uh.
The best part of this episode, hands down was Malissa (with an A). She's confident and catty and a little bitchy. She's the kind of girl who thinks that every guy is in love with her. I am so happy that she's on the show. On a normal reality dating show I would hate her but I would respect the production value of the drama that it brought. But on this show she is one of just a few girls confident enough to call herself hot and really mean it. And she really is a hot bitch. So Malissa, keep giving those seething looks of bitchery. Maybe I'll keep watching.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
True Blood Post
True Blood. Where else on television am I supposed to get my fix of an encroaching vampire world war. And do not even tell me Twilight. I will kick you in your small penis. That's offensive for whoever reads it. Ha!
Sam is in danger. He's been tricked by the evil woman and terrible waitress Daphne into attending one of Mary Ann's orgies. This time it's out in the middle of a clearing. Now, I don't know that much about the insect situation going on in Louisiana but I sure as heck wouldn't be rolling around in the grass all naked, riding my co-worker like there's no tomorrow. If for no other reason than the bugs. Mary Ann's getting all bull ready and pulling out a giant knife ready to sacrifice Sam and there's nothing that I can do about it! I'm not sure what my affection towards Sam is but I'm fairly certain it has something to do with his default shape shift into a dog and the fact that this might make him the ideal boyfriend. He even begs Tara for help but she's all black-eyed and trance-like having smoked a little too much weed and wandered into the meadow orgy.
Luckily Andy's there, screaming "Piiiiiiig!" like there's no tomorrow. He stumbles upon the orgy too and even though there are naked people everywhere he's dead set on finding the pig. Something tells me somebody really likes bacon. Or pork. Or sausage. Not really sure whether or not to make a cop or gay joke here so I'll just make a Beggin Strips one. "Baaaaaacon, bacon, bacon, bacon." He shoots his gun, Sam runs, Mary Ann follows and some sort of half-trance ensues. I can only assume that this is the transitional state which hones the trance victims back to their beginning spot. At any rate, they still like to break arms while in-betweensies and Terry lays some whoop ass on Andy and it's so sad to see him weeping on the ground.
Mary Ann chases after Sam with her bull head (which is fake) and her claws (which are real?) but Sam turns into Hedwig and flies away to deliver Harry a letter at Privett Drive. Later Tara and Eggs can't recall where they've been and account for the missing night by telling themselves that they smoked too much. Idiots. Tara seems to have half a brain in her head when she questions Eggs about his previous lack of memory when it comes to the bloody sacrificial camp ground but soon drops it. Later Arlene also says that she blacked out the previous night (and date raped Terry...hilarious) and Tara is almost on the right track. At this rate she'll figure it all out in episode 765 and I'll have lost interest. But hey, Mary Ann just brought home a rabbit draning blood and she's cookin' some stew so get ready folks!
Best scene: Andy coming to Merlottes and calling Tara a "zombie bitch". You win, Andy. You win.
Sookie is stuck in the evil church with the vampire lover who turns out to be the mole. I don't really buy that she didn't read his mind in the first place or that he fooled a room of old ass vamps but I don's really care about Sookie. Bill does but he can't get away because his maker won't let him go. We're granted some more 1930's flashbacks where the maker's underwig hair is distractingly hanging out and I stop caring because Bill sucks. Sookie telepaths to Barry that she needs him to contact Bill but Eric hears and is all over saving Sookie. And poor, poor Barry. Something tells me that he's going to meet an untimely end. Probably at Bill's hand (or teeth) and Sookie and Bill will argue and then make up and we will see Anna Paquin's boobies once again. I don't really mind because seeing her boobies means not seeing her act and A is definitely better than B.
So just as creepy Drill Sargeant for Jesus is about to rape Sookie (in the name of the Lord) Eric and Godric save her. The internet is a flutter with how great Godric looks but I much preferred him in flashback. We'll see. Jason escapes the clutches of DSfJ after big dude talks crap about Sookie but gets hit by a paintball gun by preacher's wife. And he thought it was all handjobs and forgiveness. No, Jason Stackhouse. The Church is about reckoning too.
Sam is in danger. He's been tricked by the evil woman and terrible waitress Daphne into attending one of Mary Ann's orgies. This time it's out in the middle of a clearing. Now, I don't know that much about the insect situation going on in Louisiana but I sure as heck wouldn't be rolling around in the grass all naked, riding my co-worker like there's no tomorrow. If for no other reason than the bugs. Mary Ann's getting all bull ready and pulling out a giant knife ready to sacrifice Sam and there's nothing that I can do about it! I'm not sure what my affection towards Sam is but I'm fairly certain it has something to do with his default shape shift into a dog and the fact that this might make him the ideal boyfriend. He even begs Tara for help but she's all black-eyed and trance-like having smoked a little too much weed and wandered into the meadow orgy.
Luckily Andy's there, screaming "Piiiiiiig!" like there's no tomorrow. He stumbles upon the orgy too and even though there are naked people everywhere he's dead set on finding the pig. Something tells me somebody really likes bacon. Or pork. Or sausage. Not really sure whether or not to make a cop or gay joke here so I'll just make a Beggin Strips one. "Baaaaaacon, bacon, bacon, bacon." He shoots his gun, Sam runs, Mary Ann follows and some sort of half-trance ensues. I can only assume that this is the transitional state which hones the trance victims back to their beginning spot. At any rate, they still like to break arms while in-betweensies and Terry lays some whoop ass on Andy and it's so sad to see him weeping on the ground.
Mary Ann chases after Sam with her bull head (which is fake) and her claws (which are real?) but Sam turns into Hedwig and flies away to deliver Harry a letter at Privett Drive. Later Tara and Eggs can't recall where they've been and account for the missing night by telling themselves that they smoked too much. Idiots. Tara seems to have half a brain in her head when she questions Eggs about his previous lack of memory when it comes to the bloody sacrificial camp ground but soon drops it. Later Arlene also says that she blacked out the previous night (and date raped Terry...hilarious) and Tara is almost on the right track. At this rate she'll figure it all out in episode 765 and I'll have lost interest. But hey, Mary Ann just brought home a rabbit draning blood and she's cookin' some stew so get ready folks!
Best scene: Andy coming to Merlottes and calling Tara a "zombie bitch". You win, Andy. You win.
Sookie is stuck in the evil church with the vampire lover who turns out to be the mole. I don't really buy that she didn't read his mind in the first place or that he fooled a room of old ass vamps but I don's really care about Sookie. Bill does but he can't get away because his maker won't let him go. We're granted some more 1930's flashbacks where the maker's underwig hair is distractingly hanging out and I stop caring because Bill sucks. Sookie telepaths to Barry that she needs him to contact Bill but Eric hears and is all over saving Sookie. And poor, poor Barry. Something tells me that he's going to meet an untimely end. Probably at Bill's hand (or teeth) and Sookie and Bill will argue and then make up and we will see Anna Paquin's boobies once again. I don't really mind because seeing her boobies means not seeing her act and A is definitely better than B.
So just as creepy Drill Sargeant for Jesus is about to rape Sookie (in the name of the Lord) Eric and Godric save her. The internet is a flutter with how great Godric looks but I much preferred him in flashback. We'll see. Jason escapes the clutches of DSfJ after big dude talks crap about Sookie but gets hit by a paintball gun by preacher's wife. And he thought it was all handjobs and forgiveness. No, Jason Stackhouse. The Church is about reckoning too.
NYC Prep
Okay, NYC Prep. You've successfully captured teendom.Your show was fun at first; I reveled in the drama and awkwardness. I peppered my conversations with, "So then PC asked Jessie to talk to Camille but Camille was a total bitch and Jessie doesn't like her and you know, she's a senior and Camille's a junior anyway so they really wouldn't be friends." But now, like being a teenager, I'm getting a little tired of it all. It's just so petty and pointless and repetitive. There's really no place to go after this but sleeping with new people and drinking heavily. Which brings us to this week's episode.
Jessie and PC's friendship is at the breaking point. See, after embarking as partners in a bakery/pastry shop (for PC baked goods remind him of the grandmother he barely knew, the woman whose passing marked the disappearance of all that was righteous and pure in this world), the two ran into a bit of financial trouble. And, as most friendships-turned-business-partnerships do, their squabbles about who would pick up the check for Sunday brunch turned into fights about credit financing and mortgage payments. Just kidding.The fight is happening because Jessie has been saving PC's ass since THE SEVENTH GRADE. I don't really know what that entails but I'm assuming it has something to do with coke and comprimising gay nudes. I'm less concerned than I ought to be that it's been happening since the seventh grade.
For real though, Jessie brings up a good point in this episode. Eager to break free of the confines of the Upper East Side social scene, PC has been hanging out with a group of models and photogs and general Cobrasnake wannabes who are all in their 20's and 30's. And PC is 18. Who are these people and what did their high school yearbook photos from John Q. Adams High in Peoria, Illinois look like because I think that that would bring the lulz.
What else happened? Taylor! Taylor, our favorite squatty jailbait from the wrong side of the tracks (*the west side*!), had some drama. Except, her drama wasn't fabulously draped in Chanel and thinly veiled in Manhattan snobbish mushfaking. No, her drama was public school drama and thus a million times less entertaining and more uncomfortable than normal NYC Prep drama. In short, it reminded me of my own high school drama and before I knew it I'd finished my whole pint of Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter. Oopsie. Taylor's dating Big Nose who she left Sebastian of the Flip Hair for and now SotFH won't be her friend. But PC wants to be her friend or rather, PC wants her to be a project. At least that's what he tells everyone. It seems to me that PC wants her to actually be his friend. His real life high school friend, devoid of uppers or credit cards or Ivy League school talk. Just slumber parties and jawbreakers at the mall and never, ever, ever keeping secrets. And when Taylor gets married PC will be her Maid of Honor. Except, sadly, that can never be because Big Nose and his friends are painfully in high school. They make fun of PC's eyeliner, call him gay and it's almost refreshing to see Queen PC picked on. "I mean, that's what would happen in real life", I'm thinking. But then it stops being refreshing because I realize that PC really is gay and that he just hasn't told everyone because of little assholes like this. Now I hate Big Nose. I hate him hard.
Camille makes a visit to Harvard where she encounters a woman with the most annoying voice heard so hard on this show. That's saying something considering the fact that she brought along her friend with the vowel drawl heard only by East Coast money. I miss the days when East Coast money sounded like Dick and Nora and was all "Ah, dahling. Where haaaahhhhve you been?" Now it's Camille's friend and she just says things like, "We aare piiiin-fully sangle. Spread thah werd." Writing that made me really respect Mark Twain for his dialect work in Huck Finn. Writing about Mark Twain writing a literary masterpiece and me writing this kind of made me want to shoot myself in the face.
So, Harvard was bricky and full of actual ivy and grown up versions of Sebastian who Camille loved because their money-bought Harvard diplomas and receeding hairlines would look so good next to her own bloated sense of self worth. And Kelli came along. Kelli really has grown on me. First it was the PC being mature because he wears tight pants and says darling comment. Then it was the rejection of Sebastian after he made it clear that she was second fiddle. Now it's the calling Harvard tour guide lady on her pretentious attitude and freaky voice. I hope you have a big singing career Kelli. I hope those stadiums of people fill up your vaccuum of a heart.
Um, Jessie wore funny glasses and a headband this episode. At the same time. She also got accepted to FIT which makes me wonder whether the people I know who go to FIT know her. Maybe we could get coffee and I could show up late and she could throw something at me. Oh, it would be fun. Jessie also did Operation Smile stuff and was controlling and bitchy. It's getting harder and harder for me to resist a quip about her being so involved in a charity based around facial reconstruction so I will just move on.
The only other thing that really happened this episode was that PC rented out a penthouse and had a party where kids got loaded and broke glasses and talked about which of them had had sex. Pretty par for the course except that he RENTED OUT A PENTHOUSE. Totes normal. In the end Big Nose showed up and made everyone uncomfortable with his upper middle class working charm and I felt a little awkward again. Squats broke up with him in the middle of Union Square as skater punks looked on and hipsters whose trust funds are probably as large as any of these kids' attempted to look homeless. Perhaps we'll see one of these kids on those very same steps next season.
Jessie and PC's friendship is at the breaking point. See, after embarking as partners in a bakery/pastry shop (for PC baked goods remind him of the grandmother he barely knew, the woman whose passing marked the disappearance of all that was righteous and pure in this world), the two ran into a bit of financial trouble. And, as most friendships-turned-business-partnerships do, their squabbles about who would pick up the check for Sunday brunch turned into fights about credit financing and mortgage payments. Just kidding.The fight is happening because Jessie has been saving PC's ass since THE SEVENTH GRADE. I don't really know what that entails but I'm assuming it has something to do with coke and comprimising gay nudes. I'm less concerned than I ought to be that it's been happening since the seventh grade.
For real though, Jessie brings up a good point in this episode. Eager to break free of the confines of the Upper East Side social scene, PC has been hanging out with a group of models and photogs and general Cobrasnake wannabes who are all in their 20's and 30's. And PC is 18. Who are these people and what did their high school yearbook photos from John Q. Adams High in Peoria, Illinois look like because I think that that would bring the lulz.
What else happened? Taylor! Taylor, our favorite squatty jailbait from the wrong side of the tracks (*the west side*!), had some drama. Except, her drama wasn't fabulously draped in Chanel and thinly veiled in Manhattan snobbish mushfaking. No, her drama was public school drama and thus a million times less entertaining and more uncomfortable than normal NYC Prep drama. In short, it reminded me of my own high school drama and before I knew it I'd finished my whole pint of Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter. Oopsie. Taylor's dating Big Nose who she left Sebastian of the Flip Hair for and now SotFH won't be her friend. But PC wants to be her friend or rather, PC wants her to be a project. At least that's what he tells everyone. It seems to me that PC wants her to actually be his friend. His real life high school friend, devoid of uppers or credit cards or Ivy League school talk. Just slumber parties and jawbreakers at the mall and never, ever, ever keeping secrets. And when Taylor gets married PC will be her Maid of Honor. Except, sadly, that can never be because Big Nose and his friends are painfully in high school. They make fun of PC's eyeliner, call him gay and it's almost refreshing to see Queen PC picked on. "I mean, that's what would happen in real life", I'm thinking. But then it stops being refreshing because I realize that PC really is gay and that he just hasn't told everyone because of little assholes like this. Now I hate Big Nose. I hate him hard.
Camille makes a visit to Harvard where she encounters a woman with the most annoying voice heard so hard on this show. That's saying something considering the fact that she brought along her friend with the vowel drawl heard only by East Coast money. I miss the days when East Coast money sounded like Dick and Nora and was all "Ah, dahling. Where haaaahhhhve you been?" Now it's Camille's friend and she just says things like, "We aare piiiin-fully sangle. Spread thah werd." Writing that made me really respect Mark Twain for his dialect work in Huck Finn. Writing about Mark Twain writing a literary masterpiece and me writing this kind of made me want to shoot myself in the face.
So, Harvard was bricky and full of actual ivy and grown up versions of Sebastian who Camille loved because their money-bought Harvard diplomas and receeding hairlines would look so good next to her own bloated sense of self worth. And Kelli came along. Kelli really has grown on me. First it was the PC being mature because he wears tight pants and says darling comment. Then it was the rejection of Sebastian after he made it clear that she was second fiddle. Now it's the calling Harvard tour guide lady on her pretentious attitude and freaky voice. I hope you have a big singing career Kelli. I hope those stadiums of people fill up your vaccuum of a heart.
Um, Jessie wore funny glasses and a headband this episode. At the same time. She also got accepted to FIT which makes me wonder whether the people I know who go to FIT know her. Maybe we could get coffee and I could show up late and she could throw something at me. Oh, it would be fun. Jessie also did Operation Smile stuff and was controlling and bitchy. It's getting harder and harder for me to resist a quip about her being so involved in a charity based around facial reconstruction so I will just move on.
The only other thing that really happened this episode was that PC rented out a penthouse and had a party where kids got loaded and broke glasses and talked about which of them had had sex. Pretty par for the course except that he RENTED OUT A PENTHOUSE. Totes normal. In the end Big Nose showed up and made everyone uncomfortable with his upper middle class working charm and I felt a little awkward again. Squats broke up with him in the middle of Union Square as skater punks looked on and hipsters whose trust funds are probably as large as any of these kids' attempted to look homeless. Perhaps we'll see one of these kids on those very same steps next season.
Monday, August 3, 2009
More To Love
The heads at the Fox reality show department have done it again. They're bringing us "More to Love", a Bachelorettesque dating show revolving around a 330 lb. former football player looking for love with 20 plus sized girls.
Okay, let's start the complaints with the premise itself. In the previews for the show the producers complain about the juncture between the tiny (size 2) contestants on typical reality dating shows and the "normal" American woman (size 14). I watch a lot of television. The women on these shows are probably a size 2-6. Most of them are a 4. Guess what? I'm a size 4. It's not unhealthy or uncalled for. It's what size most girls who are average height (5'5") usually look like when they're eating healthy and working out. And size 14? That is fat. I don't care if it's average, it's not normal. It isn't. If you're 5'9" and a size 8 or 10 you might be working out and eating healthy. If you're a size 14 and any height, you're fat. Do not make unhealthy people, people whose health issues make up a LARGE majority of deaths in the United States and whose medical costs drain the already bloated health care system, think that it's okay or "normal" to be that way. And don't make a normal, healthy girl who's a size 4 feel weird. That's what people are supposed to look like. Our stomachs are the size of our fists; if we all ate like we ought to--a fistfull of food a meal--we wouldn't be so fat.
Another issue with the premise? Okay, so these fatties are gross not normal. But there are a lot of them. More of them than there are healthy people. So, the statistical probability that they really can't find anyone to love them because of their weight alone is pretty low. It's ridiculous. Also, I'm willing to suspend my disbelief of a man only being interested in overweight girls, some people just love the fatties. But I haven't heard any of these girls say that they like overweight guys. It's like they're all being painted as completely devoid of self-esteem, ready to settle for whatever tiny table scraps that Fox reality will throw to them.
And the picture of this that producers and editors have painted is startlingly clear. Girls are crying left and right, talking about how grateful they are they they've been given one last chance at finding love. As if at 25 and overweight the trivial "More to Love" is really the singular opportunity to find love, and thus happiness. And hey, girls can only be happy if they've found love.
One of these girls in particular, has never been on a date. She's 26. The reason? Her weight. Because obviously most fat girls (who comprise most girls) never, ever go on dates. It's obvious to anyone that this girl has serious emotional issues...she's crying in EVERY SINGLE interview. And then the dude chooses her! Over a girl who is totally secure with her weight and herself.
We'll see how it turns out, but I'm sure it's going to be an enraging train wreck this week too.
Okay, let's start the complaints with the premise itself. In the previews for the show the producers complain about the juncture between the tiny (size 2) contestants on typical reality dating shows and the "normal" American woman (size 14). I watch a lot of television. The women on these shows are probably a size 2-6. Most of them are a 4. Guess what? I'm a size 4. It's not unhealthy or uncalled for. It's what size most girls who are average height (5'5") usually look like when they're eating healthy and working out. And size 14? That is fat. I don't care if it's average, it's not normal. It isn't. If you're 5'9" and a size 8 or 10 you might be working out and eating healthy. If you're a size 14 and any height, you're fat. Do not make unhealthy people, people whose health issues make up a LARGE majority of deaths in the United States and whose medical costs drain the already bloated health care system, think that it's okay or "normal" to be that way. And don't make a normal, healthy girl who's a size 4 feel weird. That's what people are supposed to look like. Our stomachs are the size of our fists; if we all ate like we ought to--a fistfull of food a meal--we wouldn't be so fat.
Another issue with the premise? Okay, so these fatties are gross not normal. But there are a lot of them. More of them than there are healthy people. So, the statistical probability that they really can't find anyone to love them because of their weight alone is pretty low. It's ridiculous. Also, I'm willing to suspend my disbelief of a man only being interested in overweight girls, some people just love the fatties. But I haven't heard any of these girls say that they like overweight guys. It's like they're all being painted as completely devoid of self-esteem, ready to settle for whatever tiny table scraps that Fox reality will throw to them.
And the picture of this that producers and editors have painted is startlingly clear. Girls are crying left and right, talking about how grateful they are they they've been given one last chance at finding love. As if at 25 and overweight the trivial "More to Love" is really the singular opportunity to find love, and thus happiness. And hey, girls can only be happy if they've found love.
One of these girls in particular, has never been on a date. She's 26. The reason? Her weight. Because obviously most fat girls (who comprise most girls) never, ever go on dates. It's obvious to anyone that this girl has serious emotional issues...she's crying in EVERY SINGLE interview. And then the dude chooses her! Over a girl who is totally secure with her weight and herself.
We'll see how it turns out, but I'm sure it's going to be an enraging train wreck this week too.
So You Think You Can Dance
Here are your top 4 on SYTYCD:
Kayla, Brandon, Jeanine, Evan
Boo. Aday deserved to be there and Evan is just out of his league. I am disappointed.
Kayla, Brandon, Jeanine, Evan
Boo. Aday deserved to be there and Evan is just out of his league. I am disappointed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)