Well, Spanish Lost promos are way better than American ones. See? You can make awesome promos without giving anything away.

I'ma Bout Ta Pop OFF!

According to Bossip:

In filming for the new season of Celebrity Fit Club, Tanisha teamed up with K-Fraud’s ex, Shar Jackson, and got into a scrap with K-Fat over Britney: This weekend, the family got a call and some bad news for thanksgiving. Tanisha has been arrested again but this time for having a fist fight during filming with Kevin Federline. We are confident that she will be released and all will go well, but this jerk has been messing with Tanisha since the first day the cast met because he didn’t like that she was so close to his ex Shar Jackson. According to Tanisha, the drama all began when the cast had to do a hike in California on Runyon Canyon and Federline was making fun of Tanisha for complaining and singing Britney Spears songs with Shar. It was all in fun but he obviously couldn’t take a joke or someone making fun of Britney.

Oh, snap! See, this is why television was invented. I am so beyond excited to witness this moment. It will be like a pre-hibernation Grizzly Bear and French Smoking Ape going at it. (I sincerely hope that you got all of the nuances to those animal metaphors.)

POP OFF!

Who put the peppah in the juice!

Sometimes a piece of television comes along important, so potentially mobilizing that the American populous at-large finds it difficult to ignore, knowing that history is unfolding before their eyes. MTV's Jersey Shore is probably not one of those pieces of television, but I WILL BE WATCHING THIS SHIT.

LV and Douchebags
Or the Episode of The City in Which Whitney Dates a Gay Man

One of the reasons that I love New York City so much is that I can walk down a SoHo street and witness a man holding a Hermes bag stick his tongue down another man's throat. Not that I condone public displays of affection or murses, but the fact that no one cares or notices, the fact that everyone is free to be whatever they want to be, that the lines between acceptability ranges or labels is totally blurred. But that blurring can lead to some fairly murky waters. For example: the quintessential New York date with a gay boy. Now, I've dated some gay boys in my life. Some were nice, some were mean, most I met in my harrowed history in the theater arts but all provided me with a beautiful "a-ha" moment in which I realized why they never kissed me or cared as much about NBA playoffs as I did. But I've never dated in NYC, and I've certainly never experienced the gay-date first hand. But I did watch this week's episode of The City, so I feel like I know what the experience feels like.

Plaid will throw off the scent

Whitney gets set up on a blind date with a dude who works at Bergdorff. His own personal job description is as follows: "I convince people to buy ridiculously expensive clothing." So, he's a shopboy. Fair enough. But he proceeds to tangentally engage Whitney in a conversation about abbrevs. You know. Shortening things to they're tots eas. Y K? And he gets mad at her for not knowing what LV meant. I mean, I knew that it was Louis Vuittan but I also have a uterus and color-coded closet. Needless to say, there will not be a second date.

Over-plucked turkey

Simulateously, Roxy was going on a date with a fellow California transplant. I knew that he wasn't a East coast boy because he had spikey hair and dressed like he shopped at a store that sold graphic tees.

The morning after? I think not.

I also knew that the dates hadn't happened simulateously because Roxy's eyebrows were full-on super-tweezed in the shots. My hunch is that they went on a date early on, totally banged, the producers told her to date him again after Whitney went on her date, and the set-up for this season's "Club Argument" was made. Roxy tells Spikey to bring hot guys with him to meet up with some friends at a club. Instead he brings a troupe of failed 28-year-old models with him and strolls in looking like Justin Bobby.

He looks like Joe Francis.

Roxy gets fake mad and I don't really care but her description of the events the following day at People's Revolution are priceless. "He came in dressing like he's never dressed before with a gaggle of has-been old models." Oh, Roxy.

Also in the episode: Olivia tries out a different hairstyle. JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!

I think think this occasion calls for long, loose curls feebly tied back.

Airing December 1st.

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show just happened and it was all Lady Gaga and shit. I love me some Lady Gaga, but the craziness may have gotten in the way of what really important here: titties and ass. So, um, here are some highlights:



No, I will not call you. You look like an insane homeless crack-whore from 1979 with a yarn fetish.

Okay first of all, this is a lingere show so why does it look like my Wacky Day outfit from my senior year of high school? Also, eat a fucking sandwich. Victoria's Secret is supposed to be the bastion of all things hot yet healthy and now we're going all runway skinny fucktard? Not. Cute.


That's more like it. Doutzen Kroes is the best thing to come out of the Netherlands since tulips. That's right, tulips.

Hungarians are hotter than you. All of them. Like me and the chick pictured above.

I am seriously concerned about her legs breaking in half. Also, remember that episode of Rock of Love 2 when Brett challenges the girls to write him raunchy wedding vows in slutty wedding-ish outfits? I think this outfit is from that episode. Hat and all.
Miranda Kerr dated Orlando Bloom. She also dated Jay from The City so, apparently the judgment isn't always so spot on. And I guess neither is the judgment of the producers of this show. Major downgrade on a lot of these.

But I guess no one can top these bitches.

7 Reasons Why I Love Stargate: Universe:

1. I am in love with Eli.

Eli, the under-achieving, chubby math wunderkind who acts as the the emotional anchor of the show is a boy who I would have pined after in high school. Actually, he's a whole lot like the boy I actually did pine after in high school, the one that sleeps next to me in bed at night now, so I can only hope that Eli finds a girl who will love him for who he is. And want to borrow his adorable hoodies.

2. Endless Possibilities

The thing about narrative set-ups like this one (the ship is on an uncharted course to god-knows-where, stopping at surprise planets along the way) is that it offers an infinite amount of storyline ideas. So, if the crew ended up on a planet of quickly multiplying adorable creatures whose ultimate purpose is to root out a potentially deadly nutrient source--shit, has that already been done?--it could totally work. I mean, anything is possible.

3. Rooted on Earth

The idea that a group of people accidentally end up on a ship in space, fighting for their very existence could be fuel for a continuity fire. But having alien technology that allows those on the ship to inhabit the body of a person on Earth makes those loose ends most shows would forget to tie up totally tieable. It also brings me to my next point...

4. Puppet Ethics

If you had only 24 hours to spend with those you loved, what would you do? Would you kiss your girlfriend one last time? Would you finally tell your parents that you loved them? Would you get totally shitfaced and make out with your best friend? Now, what if you could only do these things in someone else's body? The logistical unbelievability of this happening at all might bar one from letting people know it was you at all (as in the case of Eli). Or, you might decide to bang your wife in the form of a superior officer with whom you've been butting heads (way to go Col. Young). Regardless, the ethical and emotional issues presented are pretty interesting.

5. Star Wars References

Eli loves Star Wars. He makes references all the time and they're pretty funny, but no one else gets them which makes me sad. At least you have the audience, Eli. At least you have the audience.

6. Power Struggle

So, the Stargate project was originally a military mission, but when you're lightyears away from Earth who is in power. And when the course direction and decision making power is largely in the hands of the science folk (mainly sketchy Dr. Rush), are the strings really being pulled by a mad man who I'm starting to believe knew exactly where they were going when he jumped through that Stargate. Add to that an infrastructure back on Earth that wants their 2 cents to count for a whole lot more and you've got some in-fighting drama.

7. Emotional Punch

Stargate: Universe is about aliens. And lazer guns and space ships and survival of the fittest and all of that geeky man-boy bullshit. And I love that bullshit, but geeks have hearts too. And with Universe they also have a pretty solid writing staff that seems just as interested in developing human relationships and motive as they do thinking up cool planets and sweet technology.

More Like Biggest LOVERS!

Looks like Biggest Loser contestants Daniel and Rebecca have more on their minds than 5-calorie sticks of Wrigley gum and running at 10 for 2 minutes. That's right, the fatties are boinking. Except that they're not so fatty anymore. Just kind of fatty. Daniel (20), most well known for being the biggest contestant ever on the show, met Rebecca (25) at the ranch and they immediately bonded over their mutual need for elastic waistbands. And I'm sure other stuff, but fat jokes are just so easy!

Seriously though, folks. These two are hella cute and I'm happy that they're together. But, what if they break up before the finale? Awkward City--train boarding now. What if they have kiddos like Matt and Suzie and get all fat again because they're just so happy and married and pregnant and American? What if Rebecca realizes that she's the token Girl-Who-Will-Be-Really-Hot-Once-She-Loses-Weight? I guess time will only tell.

Bonus: Recent pic of the two---

Oh boy, he is just not cute.

I know that I've been less than present lately. Blame it on my ridiculous work schedule or an awesome trip back to my red state home or my increasingly non-present immune system, but there is surely only one thing that could bring me out of my not-blogging stupor.

That's right, bitches. Lost has an official premiere date. From Dark UFO:

ABC announces the premiere of the sixth and final season of “Lost,” with a special all-night event on Tuesday, February 2. A recap special will kickoff the night from 8:00-9:00 p.m., ET, followed by the much anticipated two-hour premiere from 9:00-11:00 p.m. The series will then air in its regular time period – Tuesday nights from 9:00-10:00 p.m., ET – beginning the following week, on February 9.

Who invited Nikki?

Now, I'm not sure about this move to Tuesdays and I know that I was promised January not February, but I'll take it.

The Transformation of Roxy Olin

Roxy Olin is the newest cast member of The City. She's brash, spunky and was obviously brought in by the producers to stir up trouble with Whitney. Last week we learned that she's actually a good friend and cool chick (Single Ladies dancing with Whitney was one of the best moments of the season). We also learned that she took a look around New York City and realized that over-plucked L.A. eyebrows are so 2003. Here's to you, Roxy. Much improved.