Glee’s season culmination found New Directions competing at Regionals and the writing staff rounding out many of the storylines. We see a flashback to the wine-cooler laced night when Puck got Quinn pregnant, and then suddenly we’re in the Shue kitchen with an 8-month-pregnant Quinn (this chick looks about 6 months along — maybe) as she forlornly thinks about the past. Mr. Shue is having a pizza party to brainstorm which songs to sing at Regionals, which makes me wonder why they haven’t figured this out until the last minute. Shouldn’t they have formulated a set list and be practicing it? There isn’t much brainstorming — or pizza eating — going on because everyone is back in the funk that “Funk” was supposed to have gotten them out of. “There’s no way we can win and then glee club will be over!” Mercedes postulates that Santana and Puck wouldn’t pay her any attention if she weren’t in glee club with them, to which Puck replies, “She’s got a point.” It’s pretty funny until you remember that just a few weeks ago Puck was trying to bang Mercedes to get some of her popular mojo — mojo gained from being a Cheerio, not from being in dorky glee club. Tina does a piss-poor acting job and I get mad all over again that she and Mercedes have story lines and character development over Santana and the hilarious Brittany.
Later in the hallway, Finn confronts Rachel about falling into negativity with the rest of the group and then spews off his usual, “You’re annoying and bossy and other negative things…” before kissing her. This proves that the only way to get a strong, independent, career driven woman out of a professional low is for a male to pay attention to her. So, plan hatched, the two head off to the choir room to drum up some support. But they don’t even need to! Mr. Shue has this handled. While driving down the road alone he can’t seem to shake the depressing feeling riding over him; that is, until Journey comes on the radio. I get it, because when I’m three tequila shots in and “Wheel in the Sky” comes on over the bar’s sound system, I too get pumped up. But this is more! This is a metaphor! As Shue explains to the class, it’s not about the beginning (five dorks composing a crappy singing groups, joined by people who hate them and don’t want to be there) or the end (working the entire year to win Regionals, only to be thwarted by the dastardly Sue Sylvester) it’s the journey that matters. Get it?! Journey! So, the group goes full-circle and decides to do a Journey medley for the competition, complete with all new harmonies and choreography. With one day to learn it all, there’s no way they can fail!
At Regionals, Aural Intensity perform a mash-up of Josh Grobin and Olivia Newton-John songs obviously having been tipped off to the celebrity judges (and Glee guest stars) returning to Ohio to take in the Glee Club Competition. Rounding out the panel are, of course, Sue Sylvester, and that TV newscaster dude who broke Sue’s heart. The kids seem scared but Mr. Shue lightens the mood with a dorky teacher quip about Finn’s dancing that endears me to the man despite his creepy, serial killer mannerisms. Then, it’s time for New Directions to go on. Backstage, Finn and Rachel share a moment where Finn tells her that he loves her. It’s supposed to be sweet, but all I can think of is the fact that he’s always saying mean things about her right before he delivers a compliment and that she was convinced a week ago that she was meant for Jess — and she probably is — I don’t know, I guess I just don’t buy it. Then comes the Journey medley. I love it. It’s a return to the musical reinterpretations (literally) that made me fall in love with the show, and even the choreography looks good! I’m lamenting that most of the solos go to Rachel, but it’s nice that they rearranged “Don’t Stop Believin’” to incorporate both Puck and Santana.
Everybody totally thinks they’re going to win, and the young actors play the moment well, appearing genuinely jubilant. As someone who won a few team competitions myself in high school, I can say that there are really very few moments as pure and joyful as these. In Glee world, people show up right when important things are happening. Quinn’s mom is there to see her sing! She’s left her dad! She wants to convert the guest room to a nursery! And then, like magic, Quinn’s water breaks and everyone rushes to the hospital en masse. Everyone except for Rachel, who sticks around to watch Vocal Adrenaline perform. My boyfriend thinks it’s a bitch move but I think it’s just in keeping with her character. Vocal Adrenaline (and Jesse) pull out the big guns with Queen’s "Bohemian Rhapsody", a song so operatic and inherently choral that I think every high school choir ever has sang it. But this one does it better than all of the others. There are holes in the floor that people pop out of, there’s a majestic white piano, there’s even Groff hair!
The real beauty of the number (and it is probably the best production so far this season) is that the editors of Glee have chosen to intersperse the song with Quinn’s childbirth. Initially hokey, the concept lends itself perfectly on each end. Pulsating choreography is mirrored is Quinn’s labored breathing, “Mama” is emphatically cried out in what turns out to be Diana Agron’s scene work to date, Jonathan Groff’s scowls become Quinn’s anger toward Puck for the situation she’s now in. And at the end, after the dénouement of birthing a baby and hitting a Freddy Mercury high note, the song ends in its lullaby way, with a “Nothing really matters…” and the soft keystrokes of the piano. Because, while this whole season has been about a high school glee club competition in rural Ohio, it’s all small potatoes compared to what Quinn just did.
The storyline attempts to do a character comparison by having Rachel congratulate Shelby on winning — or not — the narrative was really sort of strange here but the gist of it is that Rachel wants her mom to come help teach glee at McKinley with Mr. Shue and they can all be one big, happy family. Shelby feels like she can’t do the glee thing anymore because she wants to garden and have a dog and by extension have a baby because she missed her chance at motherhood with Rachel, which is pretty much bullshit. The kid, and she is a kid, just asked you to be a parental figure in her life and you just blew her off because she’s not a sparkling shiny little baby. F that.
Back at the hospital, Quinn’s looking at her baby and still wants to give it up. Puck loved her then and loves her more now, but in the grand tradition of boys on this show, will probably still treat her like crap. Shelby shows up to covetously look at her baby (how did she get there so fast? Isn’t this terribly unsupportive to her team?) and Puck somehow rushes back to the auditorium (with the rest of the glee clubers) to hear the results. Josh Grobin liked New Directions, Olivia Newton-John liked Aural Whatever and newscaster dude liked Vocal Adrenaline. Then they all pick on Sue because she’s not a real celebrity (but the newscaster guys is?!) and she feels guilty enough to vote for New Directions, because she’s the same as them or something. Nobody knows that, so when she announces that Vocal Adrenaline wins (and New Direction got third).
So, the glee club is over. Figgin’s “hands are tied” as usual, and Emma has a delightful little freakout. Will, as usual, tries to make it all about him and then tells her that he loves her, even if she is dating someone else. Please, boys! If you love these girls, treat them well! The kids want to say thanks to Mr. Shue for being so awesome and life-altering so they sing him “To Sir with Love” and it’s pretty cute and all; It moves Sue to tears too! She blackmails Figgins some more and gets the glee club one more year. Hooray! I just hope that next season there’s less Will rapping.
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