So, let’s tackle one thing at a time:
Tara: Sookie’s BFF done gone cray cray. She’s all sad about Eggs, which I kind of get, but wasn’t most of their time together spent in an imposed trance that neither of them could remember? How do you like this guy this much — enough to swallow a bathroom full of Lafayette meds to make the pain of losing him go away? Luckily Lafayette (wearing a stunning ensemble of a bedazzled purple jersey and low-waisted belt) breaks into the bathroom just in time to save his cousin’s life and tell her stupid mother off. If anyone deserves to be called a “hookah” by big L, it’s this lady. After her thwarted suicide attempt, Lafayette takes Tara to see his own mother, played by the incomparable Alfrie Woodard. She’s in some kind of an institution being cared for by a strapping male nurse named Jesus. If I’m right, this delicious piece in scrubs has a good degree of chemistry with sassy Lafayette, and we’ll be seeing more of him later in the season. If we play our cards right, hopefully we’ll be seeing more of Lafayette’s mom too because racist diatribes aside, she’s as interesting a character as this show has seen. It also doesn’t hurt that she provides terrific acting fodder for Lafayette — a scene in which he claimed to be working 2 real jobs (and a big illegal one) to pay for her medical bills because he didn’t want her around was as subtly played as anything that I’ve seen on TV this season. After the hospital visit that was supposed to show Tara what she could end up like if she doesn’t straighten up (some nonsense about VooDoo evil in the family or some bullshit) Lafayette takes her to work with him because she can’t be left out of his sight. So, while Lafayette flips burgers, Tara gets drunk at the bar. Who comes in but a mysterious vampire looking for TruBlood and asking why Tara is there. She, of course, responds that she’s trying not to kill herself and this intrigues the new guy who is wearing some pretty spectacular cowboy boots (more on that later). Later in the parking lot some rednecks are pissing (literally) on Eggs’ grave, so Tara drunkenly goes after them. They respond with a round of racist comments and vampire dude swoops in the save the day. At first he seems to have a chivalrous Beel Compton moment but his “Apologize to the lady” soon turns into a bloodthirsty lust that comes with Tara punching the shit out of these guys. The fangs come out and a new relationship is hinted at.
Jason: After shooting Eggs in a moment when he thought he was protecting Andy, Jason has been forced to corroborate the story that Andy killed Eggs in self-defense. But now that Andy’s being treated like the local hero for offing the serial killer, Jason seems to want in on the action, and nothing is making him feel better. Not a threesome with NYU co-eds, not shots down at Merlottes (I, for one, think that it’s a bit insensitive to be drinking around Andy while he’s trying to recover from his alcohol problem), so Andy takes him along for a meth lab bust. Andy tells him to sit still in the car but of course Jason (so stupid but soooooo dreamy) wanders out into the woods to chase a girl who he sees wandering around. It’s certainly not the most logical thing to do, but Jason Stackhouse has about 3 screws loose. After the mysterious chick runs away faster than you can say, “Werewolf in Bon Temp”, a meth offender comes running out and Jason tackles him to the ground. See? All of that bible army training did pay off!
Sookie: Anna Paquin and her gap tooth are wandering around anywhere they can, looking for some news on where Beel Compton went. After finding a car full of dead guys with werewolf brandings, she tells Eric about her super-sleuthing and he lies to her, telling her that he knows nothing about it. Then, at Merlottes she sees a lurker in the forest and runs out to yell at him. What a fucking idiot! God, I wish Terry hadn’t been there and instead of finding those man-to-werewolf tracks she had actually been ripped to pieces and fed upon, never to be seen again. But, it didn’t happen, and now we’re left with Sookie stomping around her house, trying to clean up after MaryAnne and failing at acting her way out of that paper bag. Eric, feeling “disturbingly human” after seeing Sookie cry decides to check up on her at the Stackhouse home and make sure that there aren’t any werewolves coming after her. Good thing, too, since after asking her to ask to invite him in — and have lots of raw, animalistic sex with him — he demands it, only to find a werewolf already there! Oh, shit! I thought there was going to be an awesome fight but then Sookie shot (something) and the episode ended with me hanging, as usual. Why are all of these men so drawn to Sookie? I don’t really see her appeal but that’s probably because of how horrific the actor is playing her.
Beel: Before we get to what Bill’s doing, let’s talk about what’s going on in his house. Jessica still has her stinking corpse hidden underneath the floorboards in the closet and she’s asking Pam for tips on what to do with the body. The pairing is actually sort of genius and I like Pam much more as a mother-figure to Jessica than I do Sookie. But when Jessica rents herself a chainsaw and tries to dispose of her waste, she runs into poor dolt Hoyt who just wants to be with her so that they can work on their problems together. It sucks that Jessica slams the door on his face, because I’ll take a whole hour of looking at Hoyt. I have a crush on that boy. And the problems don’t end there for Jessica. When she goes looking for the body, it’s no where to be found. I think it might have something to do with the mysterious person searching through Beel’s house, nosing around in hidden drawers at SECRET FUCKING FILES pertaining to Sookie Stackhouse. Something tells me that Beel has an idea about what Sookie is, and something also tells me that the mysterious somebody being nosy and stealing bodies likes his cowboy boots sassy.
So, not on the homefront, Beel has been kidnapped by a bunch of werewolves and suddenly realizes that he’s in Mississippi (after feeding off of some poor, old lady) — sparking a frenzied rush to get the hell out of there. But that’s not to be since he’s surrounded by werewolves and is forced to systematically take out legs and ears and leave them whimpering and naked in the forest. After Beel does his ass-kicking, the muthafuckin’ King of Mississippi rides up on a steed. He commands the werewolves to get off of Beel’s nuts and asks Beel to join him at his castle plantation. It’s all very regal and elegant and begins to make sense when his fabulous husband enters the picture. I don’t remember his name but we’ll call him Armando for the time being because, let’s face it, he looks and acts like an Armando, what with his Blood Gelato and volunteer drainings. There’s an elaborate dinner where the King explains that he wants to marry the Queen of Louisiana (for title and power only, there’s Armando to consider) but she’s a little tepid on the idea. So, in order to force the resolution, he needs dirt on the Queen, dirt that he’s convinced that Beel knows. Beel, of course, knows some shit on the Queen but won’t give it up for all of the Sheriff titles and cactus plantations in the world! He’s just an innocent vampire who wants to live in Bon Temps and bang a waitress. It’s all getting a little tense when in comes Lorena, looking dashing in riding chaps, and Beel can’t take anymore so he hurls a gas lamp at her (of course there would be one on the mantle) and lights her ass on fire. The gifs are priceless.
Sam: Having gone off on a vision quest to find his family, Sam succeeds! He stumbles into the upgraded trailer home of Mr. and Mrs. Greaseburn at gunpoint from his little brother and gets to hear all about how his parents didn’t know if he would be a “shifter” (his mom is, his dad isn’t) and how they hoped that they could give him a better life by selling him to the Merlottes. Well, turns out they were wrong and Sam boo-hoos to his brother about it, who in turn boo-hoos about living in his broke-down trailer and after a pissing match of “who needs therapy more” that's very exhausting, they decide to go for a run. When Sam turns into his adorable Collie-mix, Little Bro chuckles and changes into a massive pitbull. They run and frolic and it’s fun bonding time until Baby Sam tries to get big Sam hit by a truck. Hey, it beats Thanksgiving at my house!
Other News: Flashback to Eric and Godric as SS officers undercover trying to infiltrate the secret werewolf Nazi regime that is being bossed around by (presumably) the King of Louisiana. We miss you Godric! You look so dashing in that uniform!
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