Stop Staring at that Box, You'll Ruin Your Eyes

I’m going to preface this entry about Bravo’s new show, Work of Art: The Next Great Artist, by saying that I am not an art expert. I tend not to “get” modern art (pop elements discluded) and I know about as much about the process of creating art, real art — not the crap that’s mass-produced for middle-American walls — as I do about physics or car repair. Which is to say, not much. But like dance, I have an immense respect for art that can only be placed on the border of awe and reverence, because I can’t do it. I’m good at a lot of things. I can write and sing and accessorize with the best of them, but I cannot learn choreography and I cannot draw a human being — or sculpt anything that resembles what I was attempting to make, or dream up the sort of landscapes that the people on this show (and in workshops, spare rooms, basements, studios and garages all over the country do). And so it is from a decidedly non-expert but respectful place that I approach watching this show.

The set-up is that artists from all different mediums tackle challenges every week to try and win an exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum of Art, which for a modern artist is almost as good as showing at MoMA. The concept is similar to most Bravo competition shows, and in keeping with something like Top Chef, drama is mostly passed over in favor of concentrating on the highbrow creative stuff. It’s refreshing — and entertaining (even my boyfriend likes to watch!) — and it’s such a credit to both art and television as a medium that entertainment can also be educational, highbrow can meet lowbrow to make something important but frightening (to a mass populace that’s used to the sort of shit that I post about on my blog) palatable for the Average Joe. So, bravo, Bravo! Now I feel comfortable to rip apart these really talented peoples’ works!

Nicole- “Tomb”: When Nicole found this huge old console I was excited about the possibilities. It’s probably something that I would have gravitated toward (mostly because on my "Top 5 Things to Make Before I Die" list is creating a fishtank from a television and I basically would want to paint this white and fit an aquarium inside and stick a nice vase on top). Nicole went in another direction, encasing various technological gadgets found at the “electronics cemetery” in cement in order to represent the death of technology and the role that time plays in casting aside older things. I think. I don’t really know, it was all very conceptual. Nicole doesn’t really bother me — I think that her conceptual art was well thought out without being pretentious, something that’s really tough to do. But it wasn’t visually stimulating to me. It didn’t make me feel, it made me think. I’m of the opinion that the best art ought to do both.

Jaclyn- “Transmit”: They didn’t really spend much of the episode explaining this, but from what I can tell it’s an overwrought metaphor. A piece of electronics being drowned, then being hung, then trapped in an artistic frame. I’m trying really hard to get it, but mostly I just think that Jaclyn is trying really hard to make some big comment on technology. Ugh.

Trong- "What Would Tom Friedman Do?": Trong’s awesome hair created three small TV’s looking at one larger TV. The three smaller ones are painted with colorful static and phrases like “I hate reality TV” and “I’m a PC”, while the larger one said, “Up next: WWTFD?” Which begs the question, who is Tom Friedman? Why, he’s a bougey art critic who, blee de largh blah. Guess what Tran, people don’t get it. Your art was incredibly self-serving and, as the judges pointed out, just plain self-referential, which means that anyone beyond you won't like it. Apparently one of them also accused him of not being an artist but being a curator and a writer, which is most likely true. It’s like Tran thought about the formula of art, what works and what doesn’t. What makes him feel. What he should be doing. But execution is different than understanding, and not all of those who understand the formula are able to plug it into something that ignites. Tran is eliminated and it’s probably for the best. I will miss your haircut Tran. I really, really will.


Ryan- “Zebra Vacuum Spiral"- Fuck this shit. This is a pile of crap that was painted black and white. Fuck it.

Peregrine- "A Conversation Between a Widow and Herself": Sometimes when I go to a museum I don’t initially understand a piece, and then I read the title and it all makes sense. In the best cases, the title causes me to linger at the piece thinking about it and taking its point of conception into consideration. I’m sure that art purists think that is cheating, that art ought to stand alone. That if the piece needs its title placard to make sense, then it hasn’t succeeded. I’d like to think that even in the most wordless spaces that the efficacy and beauty of language still has a place. But hey, I’m a writer, so you’d probably expect that. This piece is one of those that didn’t make much sense to me until I read the title. I think that it translated Peregrine’s own sweet sadness into a thematic commentary on loss, humanity and television in a way that is both critical and respectful of the place of TV in our lives.

Judith- "Ain't No Grave": Even crazy ol’ bat Judith couldn’t really explain what this piece was, and that’s probably because it’s just shit arranged to look like shapes. Why did we not get to hate on her pussy painting with a blanket over it last week? Why must we be subjected to this crap? Because she’s old? Because her work was representative of the feminist movement 40 years ago? Modern times change, and you have to change with them. You should have made some art about that, Judith.

Miles- "Worst Place”: Miles says that he has ADD and OCD but I think that he actually has Aspergers, explaining both his OCD symptoms and his inability to concentrate, as well as his blatant social awkwardness. He’s fast emerging as the golden boy of the competition, and although he had immunity from winning last week he pulled out another win here. He seems to have a leg-up on the competition given that he’s so well-versed in such a variety of medium techniques but the way that these things work is that they set you up so that you can fall, and frankly I’m a bit worried about how Miles is going to take failure. This week though he’s still on top, with a piece that incorporated performance art (he fell asleep in the gallery!) and a couple of cement assholes. Like, actual assholes. Visually, the setup is stunning. His screen printing work on both the rucksack/mattress/circuit board and (assumedly, although I’m not 100% on the medium here) the red circle overhead. While I don’t understand what the hell any of it means, I like it. So, there you go Miles. Now, try and keep your mouth shut at the judging panel.

Jaime Lynn- "Death of the Family Appliances": In defense of JL, she’s the artist whose work I would probably most likely hang in my home. She’s a painter with a whimsical air and an affection for all of the things that I love (jewels and crowns and gold and color and anything historical or vintage), but damn girl. You are not really understanding sculpture are you? This looks like a hot mess set piece in a Tim Burton film and I hope that you make a comeback next week.

Nao- “Mama”: I must begin with the warning that I really don’t like Nao. I don’t get her schtick when other people do it. I’m very picky about photographers. I think that she has a terrible attitude and I want her gone. That said, this piece is one of my favorites from this piece. It represents NYC in the best and worst possible ways and also uses the metropolis as a platform to comment on modernity — even alluding to Metropolis. You get a pass this week Nao, but I’ve got my eye on you.

Mark- "Dia de los Televisiones": The piece is perhaps a bit too obvious, but I like it. It’s a kitschy commentary on the alter of television and also incorporates cultural elements that are often overlooked in the white-washed art world. But if this dude goes back to his pseudo-pornographic photography BS, I’m gonna be pissed.

Abdi- “Tube”- Abdi, my love. I have not seen a piece in your portfolio or that you’ve created on the show that I wouldn’t have in my home. I think that you — and this piece — are a perfect representation of the show itself, the coming together of high art and pop culture. Basically, this sculpture is my childhood too, and I love you for it.

Erik- “Untitled”: Here’s the thing, Eric: I want to like you. I want the little guy to be able to make it in the big, bad, snobby art world. But there really is something to be gained from just breathing among other artists, to traveling down the traditional paths. Your instincts are good and you obviously have talent but your pieces look like high school art projects. I hope you learn from the next few weeks because you deserve to leave soon.

John- “New Stock: I don’t know. There was some story about having a crush on his friend’s older brother and something about him always having new pieces of technology in his room but I don’t really understand it. Not the worst. Not the best.