If you haven’t been watching Persons Unknown, you probably should. As I’ve said before, summer mystery series are one of my favorite things on television. They’re perfect popcorn TV — when done right they keep you guessing for the whole summer. But then, the guessing is gloriously over in about three months and we don’t have to deal with ridiculous story lines after a reveal (i.e. Desperate Housewives) or ridiculous story lines leading up to an unsatisfying reveal (i.e. Lost). Really though folks, this one’s pretty fun and it’s only three episodes in — plenty of time to get caught up!
When last we found our hodge podge band of kidnapees, they were attempting with little success to escape whatever hell hole they had mysteriously found themselves in. When we pick back up, they’re trying yet again. Digging a hole underneath the city (and hoping to bypass the microwave fence preventing them from leaving) they’re exhausted after the week of teamwork. Then they hit something. It seems like it’s a metal wall — a pretty intrepid undertaking but nothing too out of the ordinary considering the scope of the prison they’re in. But it’s more than a wall. Its vents open to reveal slit-like openings and before anyone has an opportunity to inspect the new discovery, it starts spewing out gas. Frantic to escape, everyone stumbles out of the hole, nearly leaving Janet behind.
So, that dastardly plan has been thwarted but there are still things that they can do to escape. Perhaps finding a way out isn’t the solution. Perhaps they need to find a way to bring rescue to them. So, the kidnapees run about town, gathering anything and everything they can find to make themselves a giant bonfire. But nothing lights on fire. It appears that everything, literally everything, has been doused in some kind of flame retardant element. That sucks. But just as all hope looks to be lost they see a helicopter flying overhead. Janet’s the only one smart enough to find something reflective to flash at the pilot, and the 'copter begins to come low. Too low. It hovers for a while and finally lets a package drop.
Back in San Francisco-land, douchey reporter dude is, apparently, back on the case. I don’t really think that they’ve done a very good job of flushing out what his motives are and why he would defy so many death threats to find out who this kidnapped mother is. He returns home only to find his things strewn about and a PI sitting in his chair, pointing a gun at him. He tells him to stay away from the story and steals all of his evidence. But additional death threats and beat downs are no match for this dude’s reporting instinct. He breaks into the PI’s office, steals all of his evidence and peruses his email. He finds emails from both Janet and from Janet’s mother — both looking for Janet’s husband. There’s also a phone number listed for an off-shore bank deposit of $10,000. He calls the number only to be met by the same static that Janet met when she was attempting to speak with her daughter. Then the creepy starts, he gets a call on his cell phone with the same static. The next real world scene we get is of the PI approaching a cop with a huge clue in the Janet kidnapping — the identity of her elusive husband. When his photo is revealed, it’s none other than our intrepid reporter! So, is this a set-up to get him off of the scent? Is he really interested in the case for ulterior motive we could have never imagined? This is why we need to keep tuning in!
Back in Nowhereland, population 15 (give or take), the box drop has been, erm, dropped and the helicopter flies away, all hope with it. As the group approaches it, it explodes open. Inside are canisters for each of them. Most are empty, but three have gas masks inside. Considering the gassing that they’ve just been treated to, the masks are at a premium. Needless to say, there’s a lot of infighting for possession. Janet blah blahs about how she has to get back to her daughter and Cameron retorts that he also has a sob story about his terminally ill wife — shouldn’t he be getting a mask, too? I agree, what the hell is with this lady and her kid? It seems to be a lot of unfounded anger. She gets even more angry later, when she's trying to enjoy a nice tub of ice cream in Ye Olde Soda Shoppe and she finds paintings of her daughter and mother enjoying banana splits. Unhinged, she races to the mental patient lady and threatens her with a bottle of scotch. It’s all very strange and I have a feeling that there’s something major that we haven’t been told about her stories.
With only three masks and the omnipresent threat of gassing, the rest of the troupe goes stomping off to look for make-shift protective gear. Car salesman guy gets all creepy on Blondie, and she reacts by kicking his ass. Hmmm, where the hell did she learn all of those take down moves? Speaking of Car Salesman, he sees a video in a storefront television screen of Cameron smothering his wifey. Looks like these people have a lot more secrets than we know about.
While all in the hotel lobby, the conspicuous gassing begins and there's a frenzied search for protection but, in my opinion, not enough of a frenzied search for escape. Car salesman guy steals Cameron's mask from him. The night (and now day) manager locks his own door behind him and blondie goes after him. But then something strange starts happening. After a few moments of frenzy, a few of the people with brains realize that nothing is actually happening to them. The gas isn't toxic. But something else is. The gas masks begin to fill with some sort of green gas and Janet's the only one fortuitous enough to pry them open with a letter opener. Crisis averted.
After all of that (and a little more character development--like mental patient lady saying that she purposefully stayed in the institution because she felt safe there) Marine dude and Janet receive a bowl of fortune cookies and instead of playing the sick little game, they throw them in the trash. Something tells me that this isn't going to work out very well.
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