1. Whitney has a big fashion trade show coming up where she can come into contact with buyers and store owners who might buy her lace leggings. It’s srs bzns and Kelly Cutrone is all hard-lined PR lady talking about questions that might be asked — aubergine this and egglant that. Those are actually the same color, but Whitney and her hair bow don’t know that so she just kind of stands there and looks vacuous and frightened — like she usually does — which I sort of just don’t get. This chick has the balls to wear a burnt orange Grandma drapery jacket but she can’t sell her own fashion line?
2. Olivia is charged with styling an Elle photo shoot for Ke$ha. I think they did this to me just so that I would have to type out K-E-dollar sign-H-A and hate my life. The party don’t start ‘til I punch Ke$ha in the face. While searching for accessories that exemplify “trashbag chic”, Olivia ends up in a store called Trash and Vaudeville. It’s my favorite kind of moment, just in general in life, because Olivia quite visibly thinks that she’s going to catch poor by being this far south of midtown. They have her try on some Bullet Boots (which are, of course, giant KISS boots with bullets and spikes on them) and she refuses to put both of the boots on. Maybe she knows something that we don’t know. Maybe if she put both of those boots on she would have lost all of her shiny hair power and gained 15 pounds and started shopping at Century 21. So she stands in her one boot, but does not walk, because that is somehow worse. She seriously says, “I’m not walking in these.” Some punked up shop girls make fun of her and she looks sad and dejected, just like that time that Blair Waldorff went to NYU and couldn't wear her headband.
3. The trade show is kind of a hot mess. People come and look at Whitney’s lamé (accent optional) jackets and unflattering pants and some stores buy some of them. A creepy Italian comes by and wants to see them on an actual person. Kelly Cutrone, in her infinite wisdom, suggests that Whitney strip down and throw on some of the clothes which is both creepy and flattering in the best kind of Kelly Cutrone way (“we don’t have a model because we have a recession going on, but who needs one when your designer looks like this).
She puts on some kind of a shiny halter thing but she’s still wearing her regular bra and it reminds me of this one time that I ended up swapping shirts with a girl at some party, thinking I looked extra hot, only to realize later that my black bra did not look so cute with the pale pink halter. The creepy Italian dude likes bra straps though, and decides to order a little bit of this and a little bit of that, sending Roxy into a frenzied panic of numbers and letters and writing. Really, she just has to fill out an order form but Roxy is not “not very good at school”, which can loosely be translated into regular world speak as, “don’t trust me around children or important papers." Even so, the trade show is a success and Whitney feels like she’s finally cutting out her piece of the pie in this crazy town.
4. Louise meets Olivia for lunch for no other reason than to defecate on Erin’s plans to turn them into enemies. They talk about Elle.com, Olivia comes off looking like an awkward robot and Louise comes off looking like a beautiful, English fairy princess. They bond over fashion and don’t eat a bite of the food that they purposefully haven’t ordered. Now, this is what NYC is really like.
5. Turns out creepy Italian dude’s order fell through, so now Whit’s stuck with all of the inventory that he promised to purchase and has no excuse to continue her side stint as a replacement model on-the-go. Roxy gets blamed because she didn’t follow up on the order but she claims that she had no idea that she was supposed to because Whitney didn’t specifically request it. After Whitney walks away, equal parts sad and mad, a mash-up of “Enter Sandman” and the Peanuts theme song plays in the background. Kelly deals Roxy some advice: "Every time you see her acting like that, just remember like, what’s going on in her head. I’m scared, I’m without my family, I might lose everything that I have, and I’m not sure about what I’m doing." It’s pretty good advice, had Whitney been any normal person trying to make it in NYC. But given that she comes from money and gets paid like $20,000 an episode to tape this god awful show, she’s not really going to be destitute if this whole Whitney Eve thing falls through.
6. The Ke$ha photoshoot happens. The “singer” in question stumbles in wearing a leotard and 6-day-old matted hair (I think her dignity’s somewhere in there!). Olivia’s aflutter with doing her fake job, suggesting high end purses that just do not go at all, and showing off the one-of-a-kind “trashbag shoes” she had designed especially for Ke$ha.
People "ooooh" and "ahhhh" over them, but they honestly look like some black heels that I tied garbage bag scraps to. Why are you bringing yourself down to this level, Joe Zee?
7. In what possibly could serve as the best catfight this season thus far, Olivia tells Erin that her “masterplan” (people say things like this?!) to “pin” she and Louise against one another isn’t working. Erin retorts that the phrase is “to pit against” and denies have such a plan, which actually probably is true. I’m sure she just wanted to show how much better an option Louise could be without all of this extra drama and Olivia still being around business. Olivia comes back with something that involves the word “whatever” and I laugh and laugh. People not knowing what words mean is funny.
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